


Breathe Again

by Beautifullybroken23



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2018-12-31 09:58:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 82,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12129993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beautifullybroken23/pseuds/Beautifullybroken23
Summary: As the anxiety became worse, Kurt Hummel was sure that he would be forced to live his life inside of the walls that he had built around himself. Letting walls fall is not an easy task for someone who has spent so long watching people leave deeming that he was broken beyond repair. However, one look from a pair of hazel eyes might be all it takes for Kurt’s life to change in a way that he believed was impossible.TW: Mentions of Anxiety and Anxiety AttacksTW: Mentions of physical and emotional abuse





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome everybody! This is an exciting moment for me! I used to post stories on fan fiction, years ago, and have since stopped. I had decided about two months ago that I was going to start writing again, and I had written a chapter for another story, but at some point I sat down and began writing at random, and this is what came of it! This story is unexpected, but already dear to my heart, and I hope that you all will love it as much as I do!   
> I would quickly like to thank my beta reader BeautifulUnseen! She is a phenomenal writer herself, and if you haven't already you should definitely check out her newly finished story Roses Dipped In Gold, as well as a new story that she has recently posted, I promise you will not be disappointed!   
> Once again, I hope you all enjoy the story, and I cannot wait to hear what you all think of it!  
> Always,   
> B

Letting his body fall into sync with the beat, the boy’s eyes wandered around the packed club, watching the groups of people on the dance floor sway to the music. He closed his eyes, tilted his head backwards, and lost himself in the song. A warmth was beginning to come over him both because of the music and because of the shot he had taken just moments before. 

If anybody had told him when he graduated high school that two years later, his life would become what it is today, he would have laughed in their face and assured them that he would never allow it to be so hectic. After graduating, he had made his way to New York with his best friend, just as they had always planned. Both had been accepted into NYADA and both were eager to start their paths toward their Broadway careers. However, everything had not gone as planned. His best friend’s dreams became a reality quicker than predicted, and she was now in her final week of the second run of Funny Girl on Broadway.

At first, he had been a little jealous that his dreams weren’t becoming reality as quickly as hers were, and he had definitely spent nights wishing that he was the one starring on Broadway. He decided that instead of spending his time sulking, he would try to find something to occupy his spare time. Fashion was something he had always loved, and something that he had wanted to spend time doing, so he began his hunt for an internship within the fashion industry. The jealousy he had felt towards his best friend had faded out when he applied, and was offered an internship at Vogue. He was completely content with the fact that his internship with Isabelle Wright was unpaid, however, one day he had forgotten to pack his sketchbook filled with different cover spread ideas, and Isabelle had stumbled upon it, loving everything about it. She had taken it up to the chief editor of Vogue (who loved it even more), which led to Kurt Hummel becoming the assistant chief editor of Vogue, and dropping out of NYADA to focus on his passion for the fashion industry. 

It had been all fun and games when he started; he was doing one of the things that he was most passionate about, and he had come in full force with many fresh ideas that everybody loved. After a while, though, everything seemed to die down, and he slowly started losing interest in being at the top. It came with so much stress that he could hardly handle it. Deadlines that hardly gave him any time to think, meetings where he was yelled at for bringing up certain ideas, and handling the press had all become unbelievably suffocating. He had continued to try his best to keep up as he didn’t want to lose his job, but could say with 100% certainty that he no longer loved it. He instead longed for the days when he had spent hours upon hours with only a piano and his voice, loving the way he could lose himself while singing his heart out.

After becoming assistant editor, his anxiety had grown, and the panic attacks had become more and more frequent. In high school, he had been able to manage his anxiety by making sure that his schedule was not too overwhelming, and that he had time to breathe in between spurts of craziness, but it was proving to be an impossible task now. There was no breathing room at the top. There were no breaks, or time for himself. Everything was dependent upon him, and he had to work like hell to make sure it all went right. 

Panic attacks seemed to be a daily thing for him now, and when they hit, he would have to excuse himself from meetings, or close the blinds in his office so that he could be alone until they passed. Usually it started with a tightening in his chest, and soon enough he would be gasping for air, trying to relieve his suffocating lungs. He would end up sitting on the ground, pulling his legs into his chest as he gently rocked back and forth to try and soothe himself. Sometimes the attacks made him lightheaded, and occasionally he would completely lose consciousness for a few moments. Other times it was like he was no longer able to see anything, his vision going black. If he were to try and explain an attack to someone, he would say that it was like somebody was holding him under water and he was unable to come to the surface to breathe. 

This is where the club came in. Although getting drunk may not have been the best of ideas, it helped erase the stress of the day, and the mere fact that he could spend the entire night surrounded by music helped him more than he could have imagined. As soon as he walked through the doors of the club, he completely let go of anything and everything that troubled him, and of course, with the help of some alcohol in his system, he no longer had a care in the world. His friends had told him that he needed some proper help, and that what he was doing wasn’t helping him in the slightest, but he usually brushed them off with a roll of his eyes, making comments about how the anxiety wasn’t even that bad. 

He let out a breathy sigh as he picked his hands up and rested them on top of his head, letting his body completely take over, a smirk spreading across his lips as he felt a hand slip around his waist and a body press against his back. Dropping his arms, he glanced over his shoulder. A very attractive blonde swayed his hips behind him with a suggestive smile on his face. Throwing the boy a wink, he moved his hands so that they were wrapped around his neck before beginning to move his hips a bit more than he had been, dropping his head back against the stranger’s shoulder. 

To say that he was a player was pushing it, as hardly any of his dance partners came home with him. He had dated a few guys, but nothing had come out of those short relationships, and he saw no point in one night stands as they just weren’t a part of who he was. All in all, he had no interest in pursuing anything, casual or not, but there was no harm in a little fun at the club, right? Just to help relax and let the anxiety go, of course. 

He let out a groan as he felt the familiar buzzing in his pocket, knowing that it was most likely a call that could not go ignored. He quickly dropped his hands from where they were resting around the boy’s neck, mumbling a ‘sorry’ before weaving through the sweaty bodies that covered the dance floor and heading to the exit so that he could take the call. The cool air hit him as he emerged through the door and into the dark fall night. The boy reached into his pocket, answering his phone before he could even read the name that flashed across his screen. 

“Kurt Hummel,” he answered professionally. He was happy that this call had come in before he’d had the chance to take any more shots.

“So, you are alive then,” the voice came through the phone, causing the boy to shiver at the anger laced within it. 

“Y-yes.” He stuttered, confusion clear in his voice. “I mean…why wouldn’t I be alive? I believe I texted you a few hours ago.” The confusion and fear whirled within him.

“Well I wasn’t sure, considering there was an empty seat in the row that I personally booked for a few of my close friends for my  _final_ night of Funny Girl.” The anger grew with every word, the girl becoming louder as she finished the sentence.

“Shit,” he breathed, eyes snapping shut as he brought a hand up to run through his hair. “Rachel, I--” he began, but was immediately cut off.

“ _Rachel I’m sorry I forgot, like I always do with these things, and I will most definitely make it up to you,_ ” she imitated his voice. “Save it, Kurt. You knew how important it was for you to be there tonight!” The anger in her voice beginning to subside, instead being replaced with disappointment. 

“I know,” he said in barely more than a whisper. “God, I can’t believe I forgot,” he added, talking more to himself than to the girl who was waiting for more. “Our meeting for the December issue went so late, and I didn’t even think to check my calendar when I left, I just wanted to get out.” He knew that making up an excuse would not help him. When there was no response, he sighed and bit his lip for a second before speaking again. “Rachel, I know at this moment I am the world’s shittiest best friend, but is there anything - and I mean anything - that I can do to at least make up for a fraction of this?” he asked, hoping that somehow, he could make this better. 

“Well I’m pissed as hell, Hummel, but I will be much less pissed if you got your ass over to this after party to at least celebrate with me,” she said, the slightest bit of happiness fluttering into her tone. 

“Absolutely. I will be there!” he said quickly before beginning the walk to where he had parked his car. “Text me the address?” A smile found its way across his lips when he heard her sigh a little in happiness. He was in the clear for tonight.

“Already done, sweetie,” she answered. 

“Do I detect a smile in your tone, Ms. Berry?” he teased as he opened the door to his charcoal Audi, before climbing in.

“No!” Rachel quickly snapped before a giggle escaped through the phone. “Maybe. Just get over here Kurt, I can’t party without my best friend at my side, and I really want to party,” she told him with another giggle. “Hey Kurt?” she asked, her tone turning serious.

“Yes Rach?” A frown appeared on his face. 

“Was everything okay today? For you, I mean?” she asked, causing the boy to sigh lightly. He knew exactly what she was asking. Rachel was the one who knew the most about his attacks and she was constantly checking on him to make sure he was okay. Most of the time he would tell her that he was fine and that she didn’t need to worry so much, as he didn’t want to bother her with the reality that everything seemed to be getting worse. “Kurt?” she asked again when he still hadn’t given her an answer. 

“Sorry, yes everything was fine,” he told her, the usual lie rolling off his tongue effortlessly. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it.” She giggled and told him that she’d see him when he got there before hanging up. He took a deep breath, trying to find a way out of his own head before turning on the radio and making his way to the party.

 

 

**…**

 

As soon as Kurt pushed through the door there was a brunette flinging her body towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Finally!” Rachel shouted over the music. “You took forever getting here!” she added as she pulled away. She was clearly already a few drinks in, as she was a little wobbly, which made the boy chuckle.

“I’m here, I’m here so you can relax now.” He laughed as she nodded vigorously. “How was the performance?” he asked, still feeling overly guilty that he had missed it.

“It was incredible Kurt!” she beamed. “The audience was ten times bigger, and everything seemed to be so much better. I knocked the house down with ‘Who Are You,’ as usual!” she added excitedly. “I wish you had been there, but you’re here now, so it’s all okay!” Once again, a huge smile spread across her lips. 

“Well I am so proud of you Rachel, honestly.” He told her sincerely before pressing a kiss to the girl’s cheek. “Promise I won’t miss anything like that again. Now go, enjoy the party, I’m going to grab a drink.” He watched as she nodded and headed back towards the makeshift dance floor. 

Kurt hadn’t ever been to this place before; it was a nice penthouse located in the Upper East Side. The furniture had been pushed against the walls to allow more room for the dance floor, but even if it hadn’t, there would have been tons of room for dancing. Separated from the living room by giant glass doors, there was what looked like a spacious patio. It was a beautiful place, and perfect for Rachel’s celebration.  

Making his way through the place, Kurt found himself wandering into the kitchen, which, like the rest of the house, was spacious. There was an island in the center that held more bottles of alcohol than he could count. Grabbing one that had a pink tinge to it, he poured himself a cup before making his way towards the mass of bodies. 

“Kurt Hummel!” A familiar voice burst through the noise. “Boy, it’s been too long.” Kurt spun around to face the girl who was making her way towards him. 

“Don’t I know it,” he joked, opening his arms and enveloping the girl. “Mercedes, I didn’t know you were coming to town for this.” They pulled back, the boy grinning at the girl.

“I wouldn’t ever miss it, unlike some others,” she shot a pointed glare at him. 

“I know, I’m the world’s worst friend, I know.” He sighed, looking down at the floor. “I didn’t mean to,” he added softly.

The girl nodded giving him a sympathetic smile. “I know, Rach filled me in already. You really need a break, Kurt. You’re wearing yourself out,” she scolded.

He nodded knowingly. “I mean, I try to take a break in the evening after work instead of heading home and continuing to do work.” He shrugged, a frown appearing on his face when Mercedes gave him a look and shook her head. “What?” he asked, confused.

“That’s not a break, Kurt. Clubbing and getting wasted is not helping you in any way,” she huffed, rolling her eyes. “You need to get out of that habit before you drink yourself to death.”

“It’s just so stress relieving,” he shrugged.

“No Kurt, I’m serious.” She shook her head. “Find something else. Find something that you can fall in love with that is stress relieving. Look, I know that I’m not the first one to give you this speech, but we all just want what’s best for you, and drinking yourself into a stress-free state isn’t it,” she concluded before pulling him into a hug. “We just want you to be okay.” She let him go. “Now go, have fun and we’ll have to find a time to get together before I leave.” 

“Deal,” Kurt nodded, biting his lip slightly. “Cedes?” he said as she began to turn away, causing the girl to look back at him. “Thank you.” He gave her a small smile and watched as she nodded before making her way back to the dance floor where Sam was trying out some new dance moves.

 

…

  

Kurt made his way out of one of the open doors to the patio not long after. He had stopped multiple times to catch up with some of the glee kids before deciding that he needed some fresh air. He took a deep breath and looked around the patio, which was just as busy as the inside of the house. As he glanced around, he spotted a hot tub that had more people in it than it should, and a railing across from him on the other side of what was supposed to be another makeshift dance floor. Weaving through the groups of dancing people, he made his way to the railing, his breath catching at the view it overlooked. The lights of New York were beautiful at night, and no matter how long he had lived there, he could never get tired of looking at them. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes for a second, reveling in the peace of the moment. It wasn’t until something brushed against his arm and a soft ‘Sorry’ was mumbled that his eyes opened. Sighing, he brought his cup up to his lips as he turned to look at whatever had brought him out of his moment and his eyes landed on the person standing next to him. 

Hazel met blue, causing his heart to stutter and his breath to hitch as he slowly brought the cup down from his face. The eyes that were staring back at him were so incredibly intense, with small golden streaks hidden behind the hazel. They were like nothing Kurt had ever seen before. He opened his mouth to say something so that he would look a little less stupid, but nothing came out. To his relief, however, a familiar voice popped into the silence. 

“Kurt! I see you’ve met Blaine!” The voice sounded excited.

“Hey Sam,” Kurt said, finally turning his eyes away from the gorgeous man in front of him to look at the blonde who had just arrived. “And kind of, I guess,” he added before looking back at the brunette and holding out his hand. “I’m Kurt.” A smile grazed his lips. 

“Blaine, as this one already let you know,” Blaine chuckled, nodding at Sam before taking hold of Kurt’s hand, causing his breath to hitch once again at the contact. 

Kurt tried to bring himself back. “That he did. It’s nice to meet you.” Blaine nodded in agreement, shooting him a wink.  _God, keep it together, Hummel!_ He chastised himself inwardly, trying to stay cool. 

“Blaine and I met at the show choir competition, actually,” Sam finally pitched in. “He was kind of the competition, but he’s a great friend so I let it slide.” Sam chuckled. “He was the coach of the Dalton Warblers,” he explained, looking between the two. 

“Sam! Mercedes says that she demands that you get your cute butt back to the dance floor!” Somebody shouted towards them, causing Sam to shake his head. 

“Duty calls,” he shrugged before taking off.

“So…the Warblers?” Kurt prompted, returning his attention back to Blaine.

“Yes Sir,” Blaine nodded. “I was a part of the group when I attended Dalton, and then I ended up going back when I dropped out of college.” He shrugged. 

“Dropped out?” Kurt prompted curiously, wanting to know anything and everything about the beautiful man standing in front of him.

“I was taking pre-med, but it wasn’t for me, so I dropped, went back to Westerville and now here I am,” he said with a proud smile.  “I honestly loved directing the Warblers, though. They’re a great group.” 

“I remember,” Kurt nodded, chuckling when Blaine gave him a confused look. “I was in the New Directions with Sam and all the other geeks running around this place.” He gestured towards the party. “We competed against you guys one year. You were their lead, right?”

“That I was,” Blaine said with a smile. “I thought I recognized you from somewhere. Those eyes are hard to miss.” He looked Kurt over once more, smirking at the blush that began to creep over Kurt’s cheeks. “You guys wiped the floor with us that year.”

“We kind of did, didn’t we?” Kurt let out a nervous chuckle. “You guys were great, though!” he said quickly as Blaine laughed a little. 

“Can I grab you another drink?” he asked, nodding his head towards the doors before tilting it, waiting for an answer.

“Sure yeah, that’d be great,” Kurt answered quickly, ignoring the fact that his brain was screaming to say no and walk away. 

“Cool, I’ll be right back.” Blaine replied, shooting him yet another wink before beginning to head back inside.  _Fuck, he’s sexy as hell,_ Kurt thought as he let his gaze follow the boy towards the door, watching as his hips slightly swung to the beat of the current song as he walked. There was something within him that wouldn’t let him look away, even as Blaine disappeared through the door, and he couldn’t understand why. He didn’t even know this guy, and yet that’s all he wanted. He wanted to know him, to spend more time with him, to kiss h- no, wait. He couldn’t go there. He wanted to know him. That’s all. Blaine was nothing more than an intriguing person who could be a good friend. Yes, a good friend.  


	2. Chapter 2

“You didn’t!” Kurt exclaimed in disbelief as he brought his hand up to cover his mouth to hide the smirk that had begun to form over his lips.

“I did,” Blaine nodded before shaking his head then tilting it down as if in shame. “It was Warbler tradition that all new members took part of…or at least that’s what they had told me. How was I supposed to know that they were messing with us?” he asked, chuckling and lifting his head to look at the smirking boy sitting next to him.

“The dean was probably thrilled,” Kurt said, letting a laugh escape his lips. He shifted so that he could face Blaine on the small love seat they were sharing.

“He was pissed as hell!” Blaine laughed once more. “I mean, I would be too if I came to school one morning and found my entire office covered in shaving cream,” he added, biting his lip. “They didn’t know it was us, but we literally ruined everything in that office.”

“How in god’s name did you pull that off?” Kurt asked, jaw still hanging open in shock.

“My friend, Wes, got a hold of the janitor’s keys, and so we just kind of let ourselves in late one evening.” He shrugged as if it was completely normal to steal keys from various staff members.

“And of course, you still became the golden boy of Dalton.” Kurt playfully rolled his eyes with a grin. “We knew about you over at McKinley. Blaine Anderson, the boy who has a voice as sweet as honey and who looks like a sex god.” He laughed when a slight blush came across Blaine’s cheeks as the boy lowered his head in embarrassment. “Hey, it’s not a bad thing. You’re hot, Blaine. Embrace it,” he said, eyes widening at the words that had slipped out of his mouth. “I-I’m sorry,” he began to apologize, but stopped when Blaine shook his head, setting his hand on the other boy’s thigh.

“Don’t apologize,” Blaine responded softly, giving Kurt a reassuring smile. “You look pretty good too, Mr. Hummel, if I do say so myself,” he tried to lighten the mood, watching as some of the fear that had built up in Kurt’s ocean blue eyes began to fade out and a small smile played across his lips.

“Thanks,” Kurt whispered, looking down at the drink he was holding then back at Blaine. “So, um…” he trailed off, absentmindedly chewing on his bottom lip and searching for a new topic.

“Why’d you come to New York?” Blaine asked, sensing Kurt’s struggle. “I mean, I know it’s beautiful, and you’ve clearly done well here, Mr. Vogue,” He joked, grinning when Kurt shook his head with a small smile. “But why New York? Why not some other place?”

“Well, originally I came here for the same reasons as Rachel,” he motioned towards where the girl was now dancing outside near the open doors. “I wanted to be on Broadway, and I hadn’t considered pursuing anything else until Rachel had mentioned that Vogue had an open internship. At the time, I was looking for an internship within the fashion industry as something to do when I wasn’t in school, so I quickly applied and was accepted not long after.” He shrugged and looked away from Rachel back to the warm hazel eyes that were focused on him. “Isabelle was amazing, and after a while she started to give me more and more responsibility because she knew that I could handle it. Eventually, I was promoted at Vogue, and NYADA just didn’t seem to fit into the picture anymore,” he stated, as if it was just as simple as that.

“Was it hard?” Blaine asked, tilting his head in interest.

“At first it was. I love performing, and there still days when I long for the times I spent singing, but Vogue has offered me so much,” he explained.

“And it was worth it in the end? Giving up one passion for another, I mean.”

“I mean, it’s brought me here.” Kurt shrugged, not wanting to mention that he secretly hated every moment of it now, and that he wished he could go back and let go of the internship to focus on NYADA.

“Right.” Blaine nodded, noticing the flash of tension that came across Kurt’s features.

Kurt did not want to talk about Vogue any longer. Instead, he turned the conversation back to Blaine. “What about you? Why New York?” Although Blaine had talked quite a bit about his Warbler days, Kurt still didn’t know what he did now, or what had brought him here.

“Well, at first I moved just to move.” Blaine shrugged, a frown appearing across his face. “I mean…I guess that’s not really true. I came here because I knew that I could be me here, unlike back home.” His frown seemed more noticeable and his body began to tense a little. “My father was devastated to find out that I was gay, and although he supported my decision to go to Dalton because I struggled with public school, he could never get over the fact that his son was into guys.” Blaine sighed, the tension building up within him more with each word. “My mom was great, but I couldn’t ever live up to my father’s expectations, and it didn’t help that being gay isn’t overly accepted in Westerville, or Ohio in general. But it’s so different here. Nobody cares, and it’s refreshing really, to think that I could walk down the street holding my boyfriend’s hand and not feel like everybody was judging me while they walked past.” Blaine finished, the tension leaving his body as quick as it came. “So, I guess I came here so that I could be me.”

“Wow,” Kurt breathed, his head bobbing in acknowledgement as he stared down at the floor. “I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault that my dad’s an ass.”

“True.” Kurt brought himself to look back over at Blaine. “I just…my dad was absolutely wonderful when I came out, and I guess that I’m just sorry you didn’t have the same support.” He wedged his lip between his teeth as he tried to figure out what his next words would be.

“I am too,” Blaine agreed, letting out a sigh and running his hands through his hair. “Sorry that my dad’s an ass, I mean. But honestly Kurt, it’s not your fault. He was raised that way, and I understand that.”

“But that shouldn’t matter,” Kurt scoffed, rolling his eyes at the poor excuse. “I understand that people are raised the way that they are, but just because somebody tells you that something is one way, it doesn’t always mean that it’s right, you know? Just because my dad tells me that cars and football are the greatest things on the earth, it doesn’t mean that I have to agree. The same goes for how your father didn’t have to believe what his father said about gay people.” He shook his head as tension began to rise within him. “He didn’t have to agree, he chose to, and what’s even worse than that, is that he let the words of his father effect how he saw his own son.”

“I-I haven’t ever looked at it that way,” Blaine breathed softly, letting his eyes fall from Kurt’s and to the ground as his words swirled within his head.

“Not a lot of people do,” Kurt shrugged. He let his eyes fall shut for a second while he debated his next actions. When he opened them, he reached out to place his hand on top of Blaine’s, squeezing it softly. He smiled when Blaine didn’t pull back, but instead looked up at him and gave him a small smile that tried to hide the confusion and hurt that was beginning to tug at him. “The fact that your dad gave up on someone that is kind hearted, bubbling with life, and a complete joy to be around – not to mention handsome – says more about him than it does you, Blaine. He’s stupid to let such a good thing go.”

“I—you don’t even really know me.”

“No, maybe not. But it doesn’t take a genius to realize a good thing when it’s standing in front of him.” He watched as Blaine took a slow breath, the boy’s eyes moving over towards the dance floor. “I…um…do you want to dance?” Kurt asked, his voice soft. “Or I can get us some drinks first,” he added when Blaine did not respond immediately. Kurt’s mind kicked into overdrive at the silence of the boy next to him. “Blaine?” His eyes shot over towards the other boy. Kurt sat again in silence for a moment, waiting, _hoping_ that Blaine would answer, that he hadn’t scared him by what Kurt had said.

Then it began. The familiar feeling of tightening in his chest, his breath beginning to quicken. _Shit, shit, shit! Not now, Kurt, not now! Breathe, you can get out of this!_ The mantra played over and over again in his head. _This is stupid. You’re stupid. There’s no reason to freak out that you accidentally upset someone you hardly know. But fuck! Shit, he’s probably totally freaked out by what you said. You’re an idiot, Kurt._

“Blaine, please?” he pleaded, hoping that if Blaine answered, he would be able to calm himself. He let out a small shaky breath when Blaine nodded. “Yes, a drink? And then dance?” Kurt sputtered. Blaine nodded once more. “Good, good, I’ll be back in a second.” The words flew out of his mouth faster than he intended. He hopped off the couch and walked as fast as he could towards the bathroom so that he could clear his mind before returning to the problem that he had caused.

As soon as the door shut behind him, he let his body fall back against it. “Breathe, Kurt,” he whispered to himself as he tried to calm down. He took a deep breath, held it for a second, and released the air. This whole thing was stupid in his mind. He knew he shouldn’t have panicked over something so small, but the thought that he might have freaked Blaine out drove him crazy. He couldn’t understand why, only that it did. “You’ve got this,” he said once again before sucking in another deep breath, letting his eyes flutter shut when he let it out.

He was definitely impressed with himself when he emerged from the bathroom just a few minutes later. He normally wasn’t able to calm himself down like he had, and he was proud that he had been able to keep himself from going into full blown panic attack mode. After stopping to look himself over in a mirror in the hallway, he made his way towards the kitchen to grab the drinks he had promised Blaine.

 

 

…

 

 

“I don’t know what this is because everything in the kitchen is a little mixed up, but hopefully it does the trick,” Kurt said as he held a cup out to the boy who hadn’t moved even the slightest since Kurt had left him. That made him begin to worry a little, so he apologized. “I-I’m so sorry Blaine. I didn’t mean to freak you out or anything by what I said at all, I just—"

“Kurt.”

“—Felt like it might be something that you needed to hear, you know? That somebody thought that you might be worth—”

“Kurt!”

“—More than you think you are. You seem like a great person, and nobody should be treated like that, and—”

“Kurt, for the love of god, shut up for a second please?” Blaine said looking up towards Kurt, taking his drink from where it still sat in Kurt’s hand.

“I…sorry,” Kurt said, sitting down next to Blaine and looking over at the boy who was now looking at him instead of the floor.

“I’m not freaked out.” Blaine shook his head, before giving Kurt a shrug. “I just – nobody’s ever told me anything like that before. That my dad was wrong to look at me that way and all. Everybody always agreed that he was entitled to see me as a disappointment, and because of that I always thought that I was one.” Both boys breathed deeply; Blaine because he was trying to gather his thoughts, and Kurt out of relief that Blaine wasn’t going to run away because of what he had said. “I have always pegged myself as someone that nobody really wants around, and I guess I never let myself think anything other than that. With the exception of Sam of course, but he had to work long and hard to get me to let him in as a friend.”

Kurt brought his cup to his lips for a drink. “Well, now you know that not everybody sees you like that.”

Blaine was quiet for a moment, considering what Kurt had said. “So…I believe that I was promised a dance upon your arrival?” Blaine prompted, eliciting a groan from Kurt. “Hey, it was your words, so no complaining.” Blaine stood and offered his hand to Kurt.

“Fine, fine. No complaining.” Kurt took the offered hand and followed Blaine to the dance floor on the patio. His breath hitched when Blaine pulled him closer, placing his hands on Kurt’s waist. “Uh, Blaine? You know this isn’t a slow song, right?” Kurt asked, looking around at all of the other people who were swaying to the heavy beat of some top 40 song.

“So?” Blaine challenged, letting his eyes meet Kurt’s blue ones. “There are no rules as to how you _have_ to move to a song.” He chuckled when Kurt rolled his eyes and placed his arms around his neck, letting Blaine pull him in a little closer.

Kurt rested his head against Blaine’s shoulder. “This is nice,” he breathed after a few minutes of silent swaying to the upbeat songs. “I don’t think that I’ve ever danced with anyone like this.”

“Not at all?” Blaine asked as he pulled back slightly so that he could look at Kurt.

“No,” Kurt admitted, looking down at Blaine’s chest to avoid his eyes. “I mean, I’ve danced with guys before, just never like this.” He moved so that his head once again rested against Blaine’s shoulder.

“Well, how is it so far?” Blaine asked with a soft smile, leaning his cheek against Kurt’s perfectly coiffed hair.

“It’s perfect,” Kurt breathed, letting his eyelids flutter shut. “Safe,” he added. He smiled a little when he felt Blaine hum in agreement.

They swayed for a while longer, no more words spoken between them. Instead, both boys relished in the peace of the moment.

“Kurt?” A loud voice broke through the peace, causing the boys to groan in protest. “Kurt! Oh, my gosh, I found you.” The slurred speech became louder as it got closer to the pair. “And who’s this fine human being?”

“Oh god, Rachel,” Kurt groaned again, nuzzling his face into the crook of Blaine’s neck before pulling back and unlacing himself from the other boy. “This, my beautiful but very drunk best friend, is Blaine, he’s Sam’s friend,” he introduced, chuckling when Rachel stuck out a floppy hand to shake. “Blaine, this is a very drunk Rachel Berry.” When Blaine reached out and took the girls hand, she stumbled, and he quickly jumped to catch her.

“Really, because he looked pretty friendly with you instead of Sam. Mmm, he smells nice, Kurt,” she mumbled from where she was now leaning against Blaine’s chest. “And he’s super hot,” She told him in a very loud whisper, leaning towards Kurt as if it was supposed to be a secret. She giggled and leaned back against Blaine. “You should totally tap this one.”

“Oh my god Rachel, would you…” Kurt groaned, bringing a hand up to cover his face. “I’m sorry, she has no filter when she’s drunk.” He apologized to Blaine who was now trying to suppress a giggle.

“It’s fine, I appreciate anybody who wants to tell me that I’m hot.” Blaine shrugged, letting a giggle escape when Kurt once again groaned.

“Mm, I’m gonna go back inside now, but I just wanted to say that I love you, and you’re my bestest friend in the whole world, Kurtey.” Rachel planted a wet kiss to Kurt’s cheek and turned to head back inside. “Oh! Don’t forget to get his number, Kurtey! Don’t forget!” she added before disappearing through a door.

“I’m so sorry about that.”

“Kurt, it’s really okay.” Blaine chuckled. “She’s great, and I’m sure that she’s even better when she’s sober. Plus, it’s her party, might as well let her let loose a little.” He took a step towards Kurt and brought his hand to cup Kurt’s chin, tilting the other boy’s head up to look at him. “It’s okay, I promise.”

“O-Okay.” Kurt stuttered as his eyes met Blaine’s hazel ones, becoming aware of just how close they were. He could feel Blaine’s light breath on his lips now, and instinctively he let his eyes flicker down to Blaine’s lips. His luscious, very kissable lips.

Letting his eyes flutter back up to Blaine’s, his breath hitched as he realized that Blaine was now beginning to lean closer, the boy’s lids falling closed.

“I- Blaine,” Kurt stuttered, pulling back from him, his heart sinking when he spotted the hurt and rejection in Blaine’s eyes. “I’m sorry, I just – I can’t.” He turned around, walking as quickly as he could back into the house in search of his best friend. As soon as he spotted her he made his way over to her to let her know that he was leaving now, before making his way out of the apartment. He just wanted to get home as quickly as he could and leave everything that had happened at the party behind him.

 

 

…

 

 

As soon as he had gotten back to his apartment Kurt slipped his shoes off and made his way to the couch. He crumbled into it, letting out a sigh of relief that he was now alone. He felt horrible for leaving Blaine the way that he had, especially after the big speech he had made, but he couldn’t go where Blaine wanted him to. He knew that if he had let Blaine kiss him, that he would only want more, and with the magnetic pull that Kurt felt for him, there was no way he would be able to resist him.

Kurt knew that Blaine wasn’t asking him for a relationship, and that he had only tried to kiss him, but there was something about him that made Kurt feel that he didn’t want anything less than a relationship with Blaine. That he wouldn’t be content with just one night with him, that he would need more than that. But Kurt didn’t want a relationship. Relationships never worked out for him. The guys always stayed for a while and then would decide to up and leave after a few months, leaving Kurt heartbroken every time. He understood why; he wouldn’t want to have to deal with someone who could break down within seconds at any given time. He wouldn’t want someone who had to rock back and forth to try and comfort himself as he began hyperventilating. Who would? Kurt couldn’t let Blaine in. He couldn’t kiss Blaine, crave more of Blaine, and then one day watch him walk away when he realized that Kurt was too much to handle. He couldn’t do it, and because he couldn’t do it, he now sat on his couch, alone, silent tears beginning to fall down his cheeks.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Blaine had such charm, such a magnetic pull that made Kurt want to give up all resolve that he had, and tear down all the walls that he had built just so that he could experience more. He had only met the man four hours ago, for god’s sake. He shouldn’t be feeling like this. Blaine was a stranger, just like the guy earlier in the club, but Kurt couldn’t let go of Blaine the way he had that nameless blonde. There was something that stuck within him, something about the way Blaine’s eyes crinkled when he laughed, the way he looked genuinely interested when Kurt spoke, and the way his hands lightly caressed his waist as they swayed back and forth to the music. He just wanted more, more of it all. Kurt tried to tell himself that he didn’t even know the guy, that he couldn’t have developed a crush on a perfect stranger, but still, here he was, crying over said stranger, and feeling as though he had lost out on an amazing adventure. On an amazing person.

Kurt Hummel had never felt like he did at that moment with anybody that he had ever met, and it scared him. But most of all, it devastated him because he knew that he would have to let the feeling go, that he would have to come to terms with reality and accept that Blaine Anderson wasn’t supposed to be a part of his world. He would have to let go like a grown up, and move along with his life, and although he knew that he would have to let go, it wouldn’t stop him from falling asleep thinking about eyes that were the perfect mixture of browns, greens, and gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your responses to the first chapter! I'm glad you all seem to be liking the story! I have no words to describe how excited I am to take this journey with you! Once again, a huge thank you to my amazing beta BeautifulUnseen for picking through this and making sure everything looks and sounds beautiful! Go check her out if you haven't already!


	3. Chapter 3

“Seriously dude, get off of your mopey ass, and let’s go!” the loud voice rang throughout the room, eliciting a groan from the brunette who was curled up on the bed.

“Could you be any louder?” he snapped, grabbing his pillow to pull it over his head.

“Actually, I can,” the voice said, this time louder than before.

“You’re a fucking asshole, you know?” Blaine growled as he chucked his pillow at the blonde who was standing at the end of his bed.

“I’ll take it,” Sam shrugged, throwing the pillow back at him.

Blaine sat up slowly, sending a glare towards his friend. “I hate you.”

“You don’t,” Sam scoffed before heading over to the night table next to Blaine’s bed. “Here. Take these, grumpy. They’ll help.” He held up two little pills and a glass of water. “With the headache, at least. I don’t think anybody can help with the asshole persona you’ve taken on.”

“Shut up,” Blaine rolled his eyes. He took the Advil and the glass of water, popping the pills into his mouth and chasing them down with a sip of water, followed by a quiet but still grouchy “thank you.”

“Anytime. Now, you need to get up, shower – because you smell like ass – and get dressed, because we’re in New York and you still haven’t shown me around.”

“Must you be all touristy while you’re here?” Blaine groaned as he set the glass back on the table. “It’s just buildings and pavement.” Of course, it was so much more than ‘just buildings and pavement,’ but he was not in the mood to play tour guide.

“It’s New York, Blaine!” Sam exclaimed, giving Blaine a look of mock horror. “’Just buildings and pavement?!’ What’s gotten in to you?”

“About six too many tequila shots.” Blaine muttered as he ran his hand through his hair.

“Yeah, you probably should have slowed down a little last night,” Sam agreed, sitting down at the end of the bed. “Whatever the hell happened between you and Kurt must have seriously pissed you off, because once he left, you went crazy with the booze.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Blaine snapped as he quickly got out of the bed, stumbling a little when he did. “Fuck,” he mumbled, trying to steady himself.

Sam shook his head. “Whatever dude, it’s not my problem. Just…one thing.” He added quickly, chuckling when Blaine shot him a glare. “Kurt’s always been guarded, but he’s a great guy, so don’t take whatever he did last night to heart, okay?”

“It’s a little hard not to.”

“Just try and call him. At least work things out so that you both could be friends, or at least friendly towards each other,” Sam offered with a shrug.

“I don’t even have his number.” Blaine made his way across the room towards the ensuite bathroom.

“You really are clueless, aren’t you?” Sam shook his head. “I’m _friends_ with Kurt, you idiot. _I_ have his number.”

“I don’t need it,” Blaine said stubbornly as he stood in the doorway to the bathroom. “Keep it.”

“You really are stupid.” Sam rolled his eyes, watching as Blaine made his way into the bathroom, shutting the door a little harder than needed. As soon as he heard the water begin to run he grabbed a piece of paper and writing down Kurt’s number, adding the words ‘don’t be stupid’ on the bottom, before heading out to get ready himself.

 

 

...

 

 

A sigh escaped Blaine’s lips as he glared down at the number scrawled across the paper that he was holding. He had only noticed the paper when he went to his night table to grab his watch after showering and dressing. At first, he had been irritated that Sam couldn’t have just left things alone, but now, here he sat glaring down at the number as he tried to figure out what he wanted to do with it.

On one hand, he wanted to call Kurt. If not to figure things out and possibly become friends, then to at least get an explanation of what had happened. He deserved that much, didn’t he?

On the other, he figured it might just be easier to leave Kurt alone, and just forget about everything. He groaned, letting his head fall forward and eyes snap shut. Why did this have to be so difficult?

“Have you called him yet?” Sam asked, peeking his head into Blaine’s room.

“What do you think?” Blaine snapped, not bothering to look up.

“Alright, then,” Sam said with a roll of his eyes. “You need to make a decision Blaine. Call him or don’t, but whatever you choose, you’ve got to move past this mopey phase.”

“I know,” Blaine sighed, his eyes flicking up to look at the boy standing in his doorway. “I just…it’s hard.” He wedged his bottom lip in between his teeth.

“Call him, Blaine. Call him and at least let him tell you why he did what he did,” Sam encouraged. “I’ll go make some coffee and watch TV for a bit. Just call him. I’ll wait.” He shut the door behind him as he left.

Blaine let his eyes fall shut once again, trying to figure out if this was really what he wanted to do, before letting out yet another sigh, grabbing his phone, and typing in the number that Sam had written.

“Hello?” Kurt’s voice came through the phone after a few rings. His smooth, soothing, beautiful voice. “Hello, is anybody there?” he asked again, snapping Blaine out of his trance.

“Oh, um, yes,” he said quickly, his mind going into overdrive as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say. “Kurt,” he breathed, taking a moment to appreciate how the name rolled off his tongue. “It’s Blaine. I, um…I just wanted to – “

“I really can’t do this, Blaine,” Kurt said, cutting him off. “It was great talking to you last night, but I can’t do this.”

“Do what, Kurt?” Blaine snapped, instantly regretting the harshness of his words.

“We met, we had a nice time, but it’s over now,” Kurt said, his voice softening as he continued. “Now we continue on with our lives as two strangers.”

“I don’t get it,” Blaine stated incredulously. He stood up and began to pace the room, hand clenched tightly around the phone. “I just wanted a friend. I wanted us to be friends, Kurt. You make it sound like we were together and are breaking up or something.”

‘I can’t –” Kurt began, but was cut off by Blaine letting out an exasperated laugh.

“You can’t what, Kurt? You can’t have friends?” He was irritated now.

“No, I can, I just…” Kurt’s words tumbled out quickly. “I can’t have you as a friend.”

“This makes no fucking sense!” Blaine bellowed in frustration. “You can have friends, but I can’t be one of them? Am I not good enough for you, Kurt?”

“No, no Blaine. God no,” Kurt backtracked quickly, causing Blaine to once again let out a frustrated laugh. “You’re great. Amazing, really. We just can’t be friends.”

“Fine, Kurt. Fine.” Blaine plopped down on his bed. This was clearly a fight that he wasn’t going to win. “I get it. I’m not what you want.” His voice faltered slightly.

“No, that’s the problem,” Kurt whispered, his voice heavy with emotion, which caught Blaine off guard. “You’re everything that I want, but I’m not what _you_ want.”

Blaine let his eyes snap shut, his heart shattering a little at his words. “You realize that I was calling you because I want to get to know you and be a part of your life, right?” He asked, hoping that Kurt could understand that he _did_ want him, weather that meant just being friends, or something more. He wanted Kurt in his life.

“You say that now, but you don’t even know me, Blaine. Trust me, I’m the last thing that you want in your life.”

“Somebody once told me that it doesn’t take a genius to realize a good thing when it’s standing in front of him,” Blaine repeated Kurt’s words from the night before.

“Blaine,” Kurt sighed. “Just let me go, I’m not – “

“I’m going to prove it to you.” Blaine cut him off. “I’ll show you that I want you in my life. I’ll make you believe me,” Blaine said softly, now making it his mission to prove that he wanted Kurt in his life, in any form possible. “You’ll see.” He whispered, hanging up before Kurt could protest any further.

 

 

…

 

 

“I thought we were exploring New York, not buying you a completely new wardrobe,” complained Blaine as he shifted some of the shopping bags that he had hanging off of his arm. “My arm’s going to fall off pretty soon.”

“Oh, stop whining,” Sam rolled his eyes as they stepped out of yet another shop and on to the busy sidewalk. “What’s exploring New York without shopping?”

“This is so not the Sam Evans that I know. You _hate_ shopping,” Blaine said.

“No, I hate shopping in Lima, because it’s the same stores all year round. Even Sam Evans can appreciate a good shopping spree in New York,” he gave Blaine a smile as the other boy once again shook his head. “Don’t act like you don’t love it.”

“I don’t,” Blaine scoffed. “Shopping for a new outfit every once and a while is great.  Becoming a human shopping cart, not so much.” He fiddled with the bags that cluttered his arms again.

“Alright, Mr. Grumpy Pants, let’s head back home,” Sam caved, grabbing a few bags from Blaine, who let out a sigh of relief at the slight loss of weight.

“Thank you,” Blaine gave Sam an appreciative smile.

“So, you still haven’t told me what happened with your call this morning,” Sam prodded, hoping that Blaine would answer this time, instead of dodging the question like he had been all day.

“You aren’t going to give up until I tell you, are you?” Blaine asked, chuckling when Sam shook his head. “Well, Kurt just kept telling me that we couldn’t be friends, and the call ended with me telling him that I would prove that we could and hanging up.”

“You’ve got it bad,” Sam said, sending him a knowing wink.

“I… what?” Blaine asked, confused.

“Never in the two years that I’ve known you have I seen you so set on having someone in your life,” Sam shrugged. “You must really like him.”

“I do, he’s a great person. Someone I’d definitely like to have as a friend,” Blaine agreed.

“Don’t feed me that bull,” Sam snorted. “I know you Blaine. You _like_ Kurt. It’s obvious to anybody with eyes.”

“I do not!” Blaine said defensively, sending Sam a glare when he rolled his eyes once again.

“You tried to kiss him at the party,” Sam stated matter-of-factly. “You like him. Which is cool, Kurt’s a great guy.” He nodded approvingly.

“He’s amazing,” Blaine said, voice soft. “He’s just so different, you know? When we were talking he just seemed like he cared so much. He had so much passion.” Blaine took a deep breath, letting his eyes fall to the pavement in front of him as they approached his car.

“I knew you liked him!” Sam said proudly, taking Blaine’s keys out of his pocket, unlocking the car, and stashing his shopping bags in the back seat. “Hold up.” Sam looked up at Blaine, who was now looking at him with his head tilted, waiting for Sam to continue. “You let this guy walk away, called him and told him that you’d prove him wrong, and then proceeded to spend the entire day with me?” he asked, eyes widening with each word.

“I… yes?” Blaine answered, his brows furrowing in confusion.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Anderson?” Sam shook his head. “You can’t quite prove anything to him if you’re trailing me around the city. You need to show him that you care about him.”

“How though?” Blaine bit his lip. He had told Kurt that he would prove that they could be friends, but he hadn’t actually thought about how he would do it yet.

“God, you need help. Only you would tell someone that you were going to prove something to them without having a plan.” Sam laughing when Blaine shot him a glare. “Do something special,” he suggested. “Show him how much you like him.”

“But, I told him that I’d prove that we could be friends. Friends don’t usually do special things to prove how much they like each other,” Blaine pointed out as he finished putting the bags he was holding down and shutting the door.

“I know. You need to prove that you want to be more,” Sam told him quickly, cutting Blaine off when he began to protest. “No, Blaine. We’ve established that you want to be more than friends with Kurt, so don’t torture yourself by trying to be friends with him. Go all in.” Sam opened the driver’s side door. “Kurt hasn’t been having the easiest time lately, and in time maybe he’ll tell you why, but believe me. You could be just what he needs at this moment, even if he won’t admit it.”

“I just don’t want to scare him,” Blaine admitted softly. “He’s already hesitant to let me be his friend, I don’t want to be like ‘hey, I know that you don’t even want to be friends, but I actually really like you, want to go on a date?’ and spook him.” 

“Well don’t do it like that,” Sam laughed when Blaine shot him a look. “Look Blaine, I’ve known Kurt for years, and I can tell you right now that even if he won’t say it, he likes you too. So, put yourself out there.  Take a risk.”

“Okay, okay,” Blaine said, putting his hands up in surrender. “I’ll talk to him soon,” he agreed, pulling his door open.  Sam quickly climbed in to the car, before reaching across and pulling Blaine’s door shut and locking it so that he couldn’t get in. “What the hell?” Blaine asked confused, glaring at the blonde as he rolled the window down slightly.

“I’m glad I convinced you,” he said proudly, laughing as Blaine continued to glare. “Kurt’s meeting ends in fifteen minutes, and I told him that I was picking him up for dinner. Go get the boy,” he told Blaine with a smile.

“You’re something else, you know that?” Blaine sighed with a shake of his head, before sending him a smile. “Thank you, Sam.” Sam nodded, starting the vehicle and sending him a wave as he drove away, leaving behind a nervous but hopeful Blaine.

 

 

…

 

 

Taking a deep breath, Blaine let his eyes trail over the words that hung behind two glass doors that separated the waiting room from the rest of the office. ‘Vogue’ stood out in bold black letters, with spotlights hitting it just right, making it stand out amongst everything else in the waiting room.

“Mr. Hummel’s just finishing up and will be down in a moment,” the brunette sitting on the other side of the front desk said, her voice startling Blaine slightly and causing his eyes to flicker from the sign back to her.

“Thank you…” he trailed off.

“Hannah,” she provided, smiling when he amended his sentence.

“Thank you, Hannah.”

“Make yourself comfortable.” She nodded toward a plush-looking couch that sat opposite the desk. “Could I get you anything? Coffee? Water?”

“I’m okay, thank you,” he told her before making his way to the couch, once again letting his eyes scan the area. Everything in the room was a soft pastel color, giving the waiting room a simple and elegant look.

“Mr. Hummel had us remodel this area about six months ago,” Hannah said as she walked around the desk, motioning around the room. “He said it was too out of date and that it needed to be spiffed up.” She chuckled at the memory. “So he spent hours planning and plotting, and we ended up with this.”

“It’s very nice,” Blaine complimented, letting his eyes fall on the girl.

“He’s brilliant. One of the best Vogue has ever seen. He’s not only invested in the company, but he cares about us little people, which is great. Has a heart of gold, that one.”

“I can imagine,” Blaine nodded before letting his eyes once again trail around the room.

“You can imagine?” she questioned. “I thought you and Mr. Hummel have been friends for a while now.”

Blaine’s eyes shot back to hers, a worried expression coming across his features. “I… uh…” he stammered. He had forgotten that upon arrival, he had declared that he was Mr. Evans. He figured that if he had let them know who he really was, Kurt would refuse to see him.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell,” Hannah said with an amused look. “I’ve met Sam before. It was a while ago, but I definitely remember his blonde hair.” She laughed a little at the embarrassment that had begun to flood over Blaine’s face, his cheeks now a light shade of red.

“Thank you,” he whispered, lowering his eyes in embarrassment.

“So, now that we’ve established that you aren’t Sam, what is your name?” she asked curiously, leaning back against the desk, folding her arms over her torso.

“Blaine Anderson.”

“Ah, so you’re _the_ Blaine,” she nodded knowingly. “Kurt hasn’t mentioned you much, but I did overhear the conversation you both shared this morning. Or at least his side of it.” Hannah tilted her head a little. “Mr. Hummel can be a little guarded, but don’t give up on him too easily.”

“I don’t plan on it,” Blaine said, giving her an appreciative smile. “Thank you for not blowing my cover with him.”

She gave him a wink before making her way back around the desk, going back to her work.

He sat for a few minutes, his eyes wandering around the room once again, taking in the small details of the simple décor in the room. He had managed to calm his nerves by doing this, but the moment he heard voices echoing down the hallway his heart began to race. He stood up and made his way to a small table in the corner of the room that housed some old issues of Vogue. He let his eyes drift over the different celebrity photos that adorned the covers, trying to distract himself from his nerves. It was a difficult task however, and it proved to be impossible as a familiar voice rang out from down the hallway, causing his breath to hitch, and his heart to race at a faster pace than before. He still wasn’t sure what he was going to say when he saw Kurt, and now he realized how stupid he was for not being prepared.

“See you guys tomorrow,” Kurt’s voice rang out. It was clearer than before, making Blaine aware that he had opened the glass doors to the waiting room and was now a mere fifteen feet away from where Blaine stood. “Alright Sam –“ Kurt began, but his voice quickly faded out.

Blaine turned to face him, his eyes meeting the beautiful ocean blue ones that he had been thinking about since the previous night. “Hi Kurt,” He said softly, taking a cautious step forward, so as not to spook him.

“What…what are you doing here?” Kurt stammered, eyes wide in shock. Or horror, Blaine couldn’t tell. “Sam said that he was picking me up.”

“I guess he fooled both of us.” Blaine took yet another step forward. “He sent me actually,” he told Kurt, watching as disappointment flickered across his blue orbs. “Not that I didn’t want to come,” he amended quickly. “Because I did, I really did.”

“Okay,” Kurt nodded, brows furrowing a little. “So, um, you didn’t answer my question.” His gaze dropped to the floor. “Why are you here?”

“I told you, I’m going to prove that I want you in my life,” Blaine stated simply, his gaze traveling from Kurt to the front desk, realizing that Hannah was still sitting there. Her eyes quickly flickered back to the computer in front of her, a blush creeping on to her cheeks out of embarrassment of being caught eavesdropping.

“Blaine,” Kurt began, but stopped himself, letting his eyes move back up to meet the other man’s.

“Kurt, please,” Blaine begged, taking a few more steps towards him so that they were now only an arm’s length apart. “Please, just try this with me. Try letting us be friends.” Sam’s voice echoed in his head, encouraging him to go all in. Blaine quickly shook the thought away. He needed to establish a friendship before he tried anything further with Kurt. Not because he didn’t want more - because god, he wanted more - but because he knew that Kurt wasn’t in the same place as he was, or at least he was pretty sure that he wasn’t. “Coffee,” he finally said, watching as Kurt gave him a look of confusion. “Come get coffee with me. Friends do that, right? Just come get coffee with me, and we can clear up a few things. If after that, you still don’t want to go ahead with our friendship, I’ll back off. I’ll leave you alone.”

He watched intently as Kurt took a deep breath and began to contemplate his options. “Fine, coffee,” Kurt finally caved after a few moments of silence, shaking his head when a pleased smile graced Blaine’s features. “Don’t get too excited yet. If I’m not comfortable with this by the end of coffee, you have to leave me alone.”

“Of course. I promise,” Blaine nodded, his smile unfaltering. Kurt was agreeing to give this a try, and it made him beyond hopeful.

“Let’s go.” Kurt sighed, as he began to make his way towards the doors, pausing when he reached them to wait for Blaine to catch up.

Side by side, both boys made their way out of the building and into the cool fall night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like it had been long enough since I posted the first chapter, so I caved and posted again! Hope you all enjoy it! Kurt's starting to cave a little when it comes to his decision to push Blaine away!   
> And once again, thank you to the most amazing BeautifulUnseen for editing everything and making sure it was readable!! 
> 
> -B


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in celebration of finishing up writing chapter 7, I decided to splurge and post a second chapter this week! I will usually be posting once a week, but chapter 7 was a big one and I'm happy with the results, so this is how I'll share my happy.   
> Thank you all for your response to this story!! It's an absolute joy to share it with you, and you're comments and kudos make my day! This chapter is a push for the boys, and leads to a pretty big moment, so enjoy!!   
> -B

“Hi, one medium drip, and a –“ Blaine began, looking over at Kurt, unsure of what he wanted to order.

“It’s okay, I’ll get my own,” Kurt shook his head, taking a slight step backwards.

“Kurt, just order,” Blaine told him.  He looked back at the girl standing behind the counter and mouthed a ‘sorry’ before returning his gaze back to Kurt. “You can get the next one.” He said hoping that Kurt would accept the trade.

“A medium non-fat mocha, please,”  Kurt mumbled before making his way to a small table in the corner of the coffee shop, waiting for Blaine to join him.

Minutes later, Blaine made his way to the table with two cups in his hand. He set one in front of Kurt and took the seat across from him. “Thanks for agreeing to come.”

“Did I really have a choice?” Kurt asked flatly, taking the warm coffee into his hands.

Blaine frowned, concerned that Kurt felt forced into their meeting. “Of course, you did. I would have let you go if you said no,”  he added sincerely before taking a sip of coffee.

“No, I know, that wasn’t fair. Sorry.” Kurt looked down at the table guiltily.

“It’s fine. A lot has happened recently with us, I can understand your agitation.” Blaine shrugged, wishing that things were less awkward.

“That’s an understatement,” Kurt chuckled, finally letting himself look up into the soft hazel eyes that he knew for certain were looking back at him.

“So, um…can we talk about what happened?” Blaine asked cautiously. He didn’t want to push Kurt into an even more uncomfortable position than he already was, but he needed to know what had happened the previous night.

“Which time?” Kurt quipped, giving Blaine a small smile in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Blaine smiled back, happy that Kurt was making an effort. “Last night,” he said as he chewed on his bottom lip. “I just...I guess that I want to know why you ran.”

“I freaked out a little,” Kurt said quietly, unsure if he wanted to completely explain his thought process from last night. “Everything was great, and then it was all happening so fast, and I panicked.”

“Why couldn’t you just have told me that though? You didn’t need to run,” Blaine sighed, setting his cup down. “You could have told me that it was too much, and I would have backed off, Kurt. Instead, you flipped and left me hanging.”

“I know, and I need you to know that it wasn’t you.” Kurt took another sip of his drink. “You…you were great. I just panicked.”

“So you said. I guess what really confuses me is the fact that you never indicated that you didn’t want what I did,” Blaine admitted, looking down at the table and fiddling with the lid of his coffee. “I didn’t feel like you gave me any mixed signals. Hell, when I tried to kiss you, you looked at my lips, Kurt. And your eyes...” He let his eyes flutter back up to Kurt’s. “There was nothing in your eyes that told me to stop. Just the opposite, actually.”

“That’s because I…” Kurt paused, closing his eyes. He took a deep breath to gather his thoughts. “…I wanted to kiss you, more than you know. It’s just not that simple, Blaine.”

“Why?” Blaine asked, beginning to feel irritated once again. Why couldn’t it be that simple?

“I told you, Blaine. You don’t want me.” Kurt shook his head as he brought his cup down to rest on the coffee table. “Just trust me,” he added, drumming his fingers lightly on the table.

“But I do! I already told you that, Kurt.” He said confused as to why Kurt was so convinced that Blaine wouldn’t want him.

“You don’t even know me, Blaine. You know a tiny bit about me, and that’s all. You don’t know who I actually am, and trust me, if you did know, you’d understand why you don’t want me.” Kurt watched Blaine’s jaw tighten and his gaze fell back on to the table, where Kurt continued to tap his fingers.

“How can you say that?” Blaine finally asked after the silence had become too much. “You don’t truly know me either, Kurt. How can you tell me that I won’t want you when you don’t know me properly. How can you know what I want?” He looked back up at Kurt, whose eyes were still trained on his tapping fingers.

“Because. Nobody wants something that’s broken,” Kurt whispered without thinking, his eyes quickly shooting up to meet Blaine’s, unsure and scared of what was going to happen next.

“I –“ Blaine started before closing his mouth, unsure of how to respond. Blaine knew that they weren’t far enough in their friendship to ask why Kurt felt the way that he did. He’d ask one day, but this was not the time.

“Anyways,” Kurt finally said, looking up at Blaine and letting a small smile grace his perfect lips. “You have mentioned on many occasions the idea of being friends…” He giggled a little when Blaine’s eyes lit up at the direction the conversation seemed to be heading.

“I really don’t want to sound desperate, but I’d do anything for us to be friends,” Blaine said hesitantly. “You seem like an amazing person, and if friends are what you want us to be, then friends are what I’ll take.”

“I know I said earlier that I didn’t want to be, but you clearly don’t seem like you’re going to go anywhere unless I agree.” Kurt meant to tease, but Blaine’s smile quickly disappeared, only to be replaced by a look of guilt.

“No, I don’t want you to do this because you think I’ll pester you until you cave,” Blaine said sincerely, toying with the lid of his coffee again. “I told you that if you didn’t want to be friends after this coffee thing, then I’d drop it. I meant that. If you don’t want to see me ever again, I will respect that and leave you alone.”

“Blaine.” The tone of Kurt’s voice caused Blaine’s head to snap up, his eyes meeting Kurt’s beautiful blues. “Being your friend sounds nice.”

 

 

…

 

 

Wrapping his arms around his middle, Blaine watched as the lights of the city flickered behind the mass of trees that stood in front of them. They had somehow made their way from the coffee shop into central park, and were now sitting on a bench in a secluded area.

“So, I never did ask what you do here,” Kurt said, breaking the comfortable silence that they had fallen in to. “In New York, I mean. We established that you came here so that you could be you, but what do you do now?”

“Oh um, I’m actually heading in to my second year at NYU,” Blaine told him.

“So, you went back to school?”

“I did. Clearly becoming a doctor wasn’t what I was supposed to do, but when I was in Westerville coaching the warblers, I realized that I really did love working with the guys, so now I’m halfway through getting my bachelor’s in education.” He beamed talking about it. “I don’t want to teach high school, though. I mean, the warblers were great, but the kids from my high school weren’t, so I’m thinking elementary, maybe fourth or fifth grade.” He looked up over the tops of the trees at the buildings towering overhead.

“That’s a big change,” Kurt mused, tilting his head as he watched Blaine.

“I know, but I was only taking pre-med to please my dad, and now that I no longer feel the need to do that, I’m doing what I really want to do. I love it so far.”

“I’m glad,” Kurt smiled at him. “You deserve to do something that you love.”

“What about you?” Blaine asked, turning his gaze to the boy sitting next to him. “I bet it’s exciting to work for Vogue, and it’s really cool that you get to work in a field that you enjoy.”

“Yeah – yeah, it’s great,” Kurt said quickly, adverting his eyes from Blaine’s. “It’s really great.”

“You don’t sound very sure of that.”

Kurt took a deep breath. “No, I mean, Vogue’s great. I love fashion, and to get to work so closely with something I love is amazing. It’s just a lot, you know? When I was an intern, the most stressful thing that I had to do was make sure that I didn’t screw up Isabelle’s coffee order, and now it seems like almost everything is dependent on me.”

“But I mean, the head editor probably helps quite a bit?” It came out as more of a question than a statement. 

“Not as much as you might think.” Kurt shook his head. “He deals more with events and making sure that everything gets out on time, whereas I make sure everything is turned in on time, that the formatting is right, and that everything is perfect and ready to go. There’s no room for flaws at Vogue, and I’m the one that makes sure it stays that way. It can get to be a bit much.”

“Sounds like you could use some breathing room,” Blaine empathized as he chewed on his bottom lip.

Kurt let out a sarcastic laugh, letting his head fall back as he did. “You have no idea. I could use a month off, really. But everything would go to shit if I took one, so I trudge through.”

“But you shouldn’t have to just trudge through,” Blaine frowned.

“No, maybe not, but I make it work.”

“Well, try and at least de-stress every once and a while, okay?”

“Yeah,” Kurt agreed quietly, looking down at his now twiddling thumbs. “Anyways, as much as I’ve enjoyed talking to you and all, it’s getting late and tomorrow is an early start for me, so I should probably head home.” Kurt noticed Blaine’s frown and the disappointment flashing across his eyes.

Blaine had an early class the next morning, so he knew that Kurt was right and that he should head home as well, but he really didn’t want to leave.

“Probably a good idea,” he murmured, looking down at Kurt’s hands as well. “Thank you for coming tonight. I know that it was a surprise and that you didn’t really want to.”  
“No. Hey,” Kurt said quickly, reaching out to place a finger under Blaine’s chin and pushing it up so that their eyes met once again. “I’m glad I came, and I’m glad that I finally agreed that we can be friends. Maybe it wasn’t what I wanted at first, but I’m glad I got past that.”

Blaine nodded in agreement, his eyes moving from Kurt’s gaze to trace his features before ultimately falling on his lips. He licked his lips, before bringing his eyes back up to Kurt’s. When he saw the panic that began to form in Kurt’s eyes, he reminded himself that they were friends, and he wouldn’t push Kurt to be more. “I’ll...um…see you soon?” he asked as he tried to push away thoughts of how Kurt’s fingers still rested on his chin, and how if he leaned forwards just a little bit, his lips would meet Kurt’s. Friends. They were friends.

“Yeah, yeah soon,” Kurt agreed, letting his hand fall into his lap causing Blaine to frown at the sudden loss of contact.

“Um, call me? Or text me, and we can hang out again?” Blaine asked as he stood. Kurt nodded in agreement, mimicking Blaine and standing up.

“Goodnight, Blaine,” he whispered before walking away.

Blaine let his eyes fall shut, chastising himself for letting things get a little carried away near the end of their conversation. He hadn’t meant to make Kurt uncomfortable, yet he still had. He had let himself get caught up once again, and he had almost made the same mistake that he had the night before. He was just happy that he had caught it before Kurt had run away from him again. Blaine took a deep breath, opening his eyes once again to make his way out of the park and back home.

 

 

…

 

 

Blaine made his way slowly down the street, eyes dancing over the million lights that surrounded him. He had intended to head home after leaving the park, but had found himself taking a left turn instead of a right turn, and now he was aimlessly wandering the streets of Manhattan, taking in his surroundings while thoughts crashed through his brain like big tidal waves.

He was trying to figure out why he could not keep his feelings platonic towards Kurt, or at least why he could not push his romantic feelings aside in order to keep Kurt comfortable. He could manage it for a little while, but one too many glances into Kurt’s ocean blue eyes and Blaine was gone, unable to stop his heart from speeding up, unable to stop the hitch in his breath. All he had wanted in that moment when Kurt’s fingers rested bellow his chin, touch burning into Blaine’s skin igniting a flame that he never wanted to burn out, was to close the gap between them and let his lips fall onto Kurt’s. His brain knew that he couldn’t do it, but his body yearned to feel Kurt’s beautiful lips pressed against his. He wanted to feel Kurt wordlessly pour his feelings out to Blaine, and to return the same passion. But Kurt wanted friendship and nothing more.

_I wanted to kiss you, more than you know._

Kurt words rang throughout his head. If he wanted so badly to kiss him, then why wouldn’t he just give in and do it?  Blaine couldn’t understand what was holding Kurt back. Why wouldn’t he just let go?

_Because, nobody wants something that’s broken._

Blaine didn’t understand. Kurt was perfect in every sense of the word. He was gorgeous with his perfectly styled chestnut hair and his flawless, milky skin. Not to mention his kind-hearted personality and the ability to make whomever he talked to feel at home. He was perfection wrapped up beautifully and tied together with a bow. Broken or not, there was no way that anybody could spend time with this man and not want to know more about him, or to have him in their lives. He had this magnetic quality to him that made people feel the needed to talk to him, to know him.

Kurt believed that he was broken... and maybe he was in a way that Blaine couldn’t understand because he didn’t know enough about him yet. But if he was broken, then who the hell had done it? Who in their right mind had been okay with shattering such a beautiful human being? Who had such a hard heart that they could break him, and walk away from him without feeling even the slightest bit of remorse? But broken or not, Kurt was still absolutely perfect to Blaine, flaws and all.

This was all crazy. Blaine didn’t fall for strangers. He didn’t feel such strong feelings towards people he had met less then forty-eight hours prior. Hell, he had a hard time feeling this strongly towards people that he had known for months. His past relationships had all plummeted after a couple months, all because Blaine couldn’t quite get to where the other guy wanted him to be; he was always a little behind in the feelings process. Boyfriends would let the ‘I love you’ slip, and Blaine would respond with an awkward ‘thank you,’ knowing that he wasn’t at that point yet. Then all hell would break loose. The other men would let it go for a while, but would eventually try to coax the words out of Blaine – only to get the same dissatisfying response every time – and would eventually lose it. Fights would ensue, increasing in frequency until fighting was more common than civil conversations. Every time, Blaine would be accused of leading the other guy on, and after protesting and telling them that he just needed more time, they would throw out a few insults before walking away, leaving Blaine to deal with not only the heartbreak, but the idea that he could never be good enough for another person.

He had quickly become more and more cautious when it came to dating, and now avoided relationships altogether, deeming them pointless as they all seemed to end the same.

Yet here he was, wanting nothing more than to be in a relationship with a man he had met just the night before.

 

 

…

 

 

The next day had gone by achingly slow for Blaine. His classes had seemed to go on for an eternity, and thoughts of the previous night flooded the back of his mind continuously. Then there was the fact that he had yet to hear from Kurt. Blaine had told himself over and over that friends didn’t always call right away, and that it could take days before Kurt called him, if he did at all. Still, he couldn’t stop the excitement he felt every time his phone when off, followed by disappointment that it wasn’t Kurt who was contacting him. 

Blaine sighed, letting his eyes fall shut as his body fell back on to his bed. After classes had finished, he had made his way to the small café that he worked part time for. It had been a busy night, and he was happy to now be home and able to just relax.

“We should watch a movie,” Sam said as he stepped into Blaine’s room, causing Blaine to groan in protest. “Oh, come on! You’re gone all day – not to mention all evening yesterday – and then you expect to just come home and go to bed? You’re a terrible host.”

“It’s not my fault that you pushed me to go see Kurt,” Blaine grumbled as he peeked one eye open to look at the blonde who now stood next to his bed.

“Oh please, if I hadn’t pushed you to go, you would still be grumping around here, and I couldn’t take another minute of your bitchiness.” Sam rolled his eyes before playfully smacking Blaine’s arm. “Now come on, get up.”

Blaine groaned again when he spotted the time on his phone screen. “Sam, it’s just after midnight. I had classes for half of the day and then I worked the rest, and now I really just want to go to bed,” he said, looking back up at the blonde. “Even if we were to start a movie, I guarantee I’d be out before the first scene even started.”

“You’re no fun,” Sam huffed.

Blaine rolled his eyes. “You can be such a drama queen sometimes.” Sam stuck his tongue out before sitting down on the edge of the bed. “How about a movie night tomorrow? I work until five, and then the rest of the evening I’m yours.” He propped himself up onto his elbows. “Fair?”

“Fine. Fair,” Sam agreed, eyes shooting towards Blaine’s phone when it began ringing, its screen lighting up the dim room. Blaine scrambled for the phone, eyes lighting up when he read the name that flashed across the screen. He picked up the call, holding the phone in front of his face. “Of course you’re awake now that _he_ wants your attention.” Sam scoffed, realizing who was calling. He stood from the bed, rolling his eyes playfully at Blaine, who shot him an apologetic look. “Just don’t stay up too late, lover boy.”

“You’re the best!” Blaine called out before turning his attention to the phone. “Kurt?” he asked, realizing he hadn’t properly answered the phone yet. “Hey, sorry about that,” he added when there was silence on the other side. “Kurt, are you there?”

“Y – yes.” The stuttered answer came out between ragged breaths.

“Are you okay?” Blaine asked quickly in worry. “Kurt what’s going on, you’re breathing funny.”

“I – I, um…we’re friends, yeah?” Kurt asked, causing Blaine’s frown to deepen.

“Of course. We already established that, Kurt. What’s going on?”

“Friends, help friends, out, right?” Kurt replied, voice quiet. Blaine quickly moved so that he was now sitting on his bed. If he listened closely, he could hear music playing loudly in the background of wherever Kurt was.

“Kurt, are you alright? You’re kind of starting to freak me out.”

“I need your help,” Kurt breathed, his voice shaky in between the quick harsh breaths. “I need you to come get me. Please Blaine. I need you.”

“Where are you?” Blaine asked, springing up from the bed, grabbing his wallet, and walking out of his room. There was no response. “Kurt, where are you?”

“I’m down at Sapphire,” Kurt answered, his voice weak and higher than usual. “The club down on – “

“I know where it is, I’ll be there right away.” Blaine said quickly, grabbing his keys off of the coffee table. He called out to Sam that he had to go and that he’d explain later.

“I – I’m in the bathroom,” Kurt whispered. “Please hurry.”

The line when flat. Blaine flew out of his apartment, opting to go down the stairs as the elevator seemed too slow. He hopped two stairs at a time and jogged to the parking garage, before hurriedly getting in his car and pulling out of the building. He was on his way to Kurt, hoping that everything was going to be okay. Hoping that Kurt would be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Monday!! I know I know, it's hardly Monday still... but for me it is still Monday for another two and a half hours so... It's Monday!! I think Monday will be my official posting day, and that you guys might get an extra chapter somewhere else in the week.... maybe. But for sure on Mondays!   
> Once again, thank you to the incredible talented BeautifulUnseen for making sure this story is readable!! 
> 
> -B

Blaine narrowed his eyes, huffing in anger when the bouncer once again asked him to head to the back of the line.

“You don’t understand,” he pleaded as his eyes moved towards the entrance of the club. “My friend’s in there, it’s an emergency.” 

“Sir please, just do all of us a favor and head to the back of the line. I’m sure your friend will be fine until you get through.” The bouncer answered with a shrug before nodding towards the back of the line.

“This is unbelievable!” Blaine snarled, turning to make his way to the back of the line.

“Hey Joe, there’s some guy on the floor of the bathroom who is freaking out. He doesn’t look so great, you should probably call somebody.” A voice said from behind Blaine, causing the boy to stop in his tracks and whip around to face the bouncer and the blonde that now stood next to him.

“That’s Kurt!” he said quickly as he began to walk back towards them. “My friend, the one that I said I needed to see.” He added hoping that the man – Joe – would let him in now.

“You’re here for him?” the blonde asked, looking at him skeptically.

“Yes, yes please let me in.”

“Fine, but next time you’re waiting in line.” Joe mumbled, stepping out of the way for Blaine to go through.

As soon as he got past Joe, Blaine made his way down the set of steps that led to the open space of the club. His eyes quickly flickered back and forth, looking for an illuminated sign to help guide him to his destination. He breathed a sigh of relief when he spotted the red sign that clearly red ‘Washrooms’ and quickly made his way towards the mass of bodies that stood in his way. He was practically jogging as he pushed his way through the crowd, his eyes trained on the illuminated doorway where he knew he would find Kurt.

“What the fuck man!” someone shouted when he accidentally shoved them a little harder than he meant to.

“I’m sorry!” Blaine apologized immediately, throwing his arms in the air in mock surrender, then quickly resumed making his way to the washroom. The guy sent him a glare and went back to dancing, forgetting about the altercation that had just taken place.

It seemed like hours had passed by the time Blaine reached the bathroom. His eyes scanned the area as he walked through, searching every inch of the dimly lit room for the ocean blue eyes. Frustratingly, every stall seemed to be empty and Kurt was nowhere to be found. Blaine’s concerned frown only lifted when he heard ragged breaths ringing through the room.

“Kurt?” he called, scanning the room once again. His eyes shot to an opening at the end of bathroom stalls when a soft whimper escaped from it. Blaine made it to the opening in only a few strides, his heart stopping as a broken, exhausted-looking Kurt came in to view. His eyes were red and puffy, his skin ghostly pale, and he was curled into a ball. He was slowly rocking himself back and forth as his eyes shot up meeting Blaine’s worried gaze.

“Kurt,” Blaine breathed in relief, dropping to his knees and wrapping his arms around Kurt, who launched himself into Blaine’s embrace.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Blaine whispered soothingly as he rubbed soft circles along Kurt’s back. “Everything’s okay, you’re fine,” he repeated when Kurt whimpered in response. “I’ll tell you what…how about we head out of here, and I will take you back to my apartment, and when you’re ready, you can fill me in on what happened. What do you say?”

“Mm,” Kurt mumbled in assent before he shuffled out of Blaine’s grip and began to shakily stand up.

“Alright, you’re okay to walk out?” Blaine asked, watching as Kurt took a shaky breath and nodded, running a hand over his face to wipe away the tear tracks that stained his cheeks. Blaine stood and began to make his way out of the bathroom, stopping when he felt Kurt’s hand slide into his. He turned quickly to look at Kurt, who looked utterly terrified. Blaine gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and led him out of the bathroom and back into the club.

They had made it halfway through weaving in between bodies before he felt Kurt’s grip tighten on his hand, causing Blaine to stop and look at him. “Everything okay?” he asked and watched as Kurt looked past him for a second before nodding. “Kurt, what is – “

“Hey sexy! Ready for round two?” A voice boomed over the music, cutting Blaine off mid-sentence. Kurt whimpered once more, sliding closer to Blaine, who was now turning to find the source. “Oh, who is this?” The man asked as he let his eyes rake over Blaine’s body. He took a step toward the other two. “I’ve never had a threesome before, but I’m down if you are.”

Blaine’s eyes narrowed as they fell on the brunette who now stood a few feet away from them. “What the fuck did you do?” he growled, his anger soaring through the roof when the brunette rolled his eyes and chuckled.

“Nothing that he didn’t want,” he said with a shrug.

“What the fuck did you do?!” Blaine repeated as he took a step towards the guy, who squared his shoulders and cocked his head to the side.

“Like I said, nothing that he didn’t want,” the guy repeated. “He approached me. We danced for a while, and then all of a sudden he was all over me.” The guy shrugged, peering around Blaine to see Kurt, who was plastered to Blaine’s back. “Don’t pretend that you didn’t enjoy every minute of it,” he growled in Kurt’s direction, eliciting another scared sound from the boy.

That was all it took for Blaine’s fist to connect with the brunette’s jaw, causing him to stumble backwards and lose his balance, landing on the ground. No explanation had been given as to what had actually happened between Kurt and the guy, but with how scared Kurt seemed, and the hurt that was portrayed through his whimpers gave every indication that whatever had happened was not okay with him.

“Do we have a problem here?” A man asked as he stepped towards the boys, his eyes moving from the guy on the ground to Blaine. Blaine was about to tell the man that they had a very big problem, before his eyes met the security badge that rested on the white shirt.

“No problem here, we were just leaving,” Blaine mumbled, pulling Kurt along and dragging him out of the club.

 

 

…

 

 

“It’s my fault really.” Kurt broke the silence that had loomed over them for the last thirty minutes. He shifted from where he sat on Blaine’s couch, his gaze not leaving the window that he had been staring out since he sat down. “I mean, I was the one who approached him.”

“What do you mean?” Blaine asked confused.

“I saw him when I got there, and after a while, I approached him. We both danced for a while before I...” Kurt paused, looking around the apartment quickly, suddenly aware that he didn’t know if Blaine had roommates or not.

“Nobody’s here,” Blaine assured him quickly, picking up on what Kurt was looking for. Sam had thankfully texted him earlier that evening to let him know that he was going out and that he wouldn’t be back that night.

Kurt sighed in relief before turning his attention back to the window, a look of guilt coming across his face. “At first, we were just making out in the corner, but then his hands started roaming, and the next thing that I knew I was kneeling…” Kurt continued to look straight ahead, not daring to glance in Blaine’s direction. “It was fine at first, I mean it’s not like I haven’t given someone a blow job before. He started moving his hips, and started to hit the back of my throat, but it hurt, so I pulled off and asked him to keep still. He didn’t listen and instead, grabbed my head and held it in place before continuing. I started choking…I just kind of lost it,” Kurt added, finally letting his eyes move to where Blaine was sitting next to him. “I couldn’t breathe, but he wouldn’t stop and I started to panic.”

Kurt fully expected Blaine’s eyes to be full of judgment. He was sure that he would see the look of someone who was both disappointed and disgusted, but instead he was met with soft eyes that were full of concern. “Kurt...” Blaine whispered, his eyes softening further as he realized that Kurt was once again close to tears.

“It happens a lot,” Kurt whispered, looking down as his now twiddling thumbs. “The panic, I mean. I have attacks almost every day,” he admitted, sucking in a deep breath. The couch shifted and he clamped his eyes shut, waiting for the sound of the door closing as Blaine left. He gasped slightly when instead, he felt fingers hook under his chin, tilting it up so that he was looking at Blaine, who was now kneeling in front of him.

“Have you told anybody?” Blaine asked softly.

“A few of my friends know, but nobody knows how often it happens, or how bad it gets.” Kurt shrugged. “It’s not something that I really like to admit or talk about, you know? It’s stupid.”

“It’s not, Kurt. Anxiety is a real thing, and it’s not an easy thing to have to deal with.” Blaine shook his head as he let his fingers drop from Kurt’s chin.

“It’s stupid, really,” Kurt protested. “I’m a grown man, I shouldn’t fall into these pits of tears and hyperventilating. I should be able to deal with the stress and move on.”

“Being a man, has nothing to do with this.” Blaine’s hand found Kurt’s, and he linked their fingers together, squeezing it softly. “You are a man, Kurt. Having anxiety or panic attacks doesn’t change that.”

“But it does,” Kurt said, letting his eyes fall to their joined hands. “How in god’s name am I supposed to maintain a relationship, or have kids if I can’t even manage to handle the small amount of stress that I face now?”

Blaine let out a breath before bringing his free hand up to Kurt’s chin, once again tipping it up so that Kurt was looking at him. “You face more than a little bit of stress on a daily basis. You’re the freaking chief editor of Vogue. That’s no small responsibility,” Blaine told him adamantly as Kurt rolled his eyes. “No, hey, I’m serious. You’ve got the weight of an entire magazine on your shoulders. The way that the entire country, hell the entire world, views Vogue is dependent on you.”

“Gee, thanks for pointing that out,” Kurt quipped, the tiniest smile crossing his lips.

“That’s not what I meant. I’m just saying, you face more stress on a daily basis than you admit,” Blaine clarified, his hand falling from Kurt’s chin once again, smiling when Kurt continued to look at him. “You have so much stress hitting you from work, and I’m sure that you’ve got some things happening outside of work. Nobody’s life is perfect. If I were in your position, I would be a complete wreck, and yet you seem to handle everything with such grace.”

“I don’t,” Kurt responded, quickly deflecting the comment.

“You do,” Blaine repeated, giving Kurt’s hand another squeeze. “If I were in your position not only would I be a wreck, but everybody would know it. You’re incredibly strong for being able to keep yourself together.”

“Thanks,” Kurt whispered, unable to say anything else.

“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, Kurt.”

 

 

…

 

 

“Here, maybe this will help with the throat,” Blaine said softly as he sat next to Kurt and held out the glass of cold water.

“Thank you,” Kurt breathed, giving Blaine a smile as he accepted the cup and took a sip.

“Are you sure that you don’t want to report this?” Blaine asked for the millionth time that night. He was convinced that Kurt needed to tell somebody about the events of the night, but Kurt had protested every time, saying that it was his fault that everything played out the way it had.

“I already answered that question,” Kurt said sternly, giving Blaine a look. “About a million times now.” The corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile, hoping to ease the tension a little.

“I just hate that he used you like that,” Blaine huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Not only did you tell him to stop, but you informed him that he was hurting you, Kurt. If that’s not sexual assault, then I don’t know what is.”

“Blaine please,” Kurt pleaded as he looked over at him. “I just want to forget about it. I’m okay, I’m here. Let’s just move past this.”

“But he hurt you,” Blaine said stubbornly, turning to look at Kurt who had his eyes trained on him. “It’s not okay Kurt.”

“I know, I’m not saying it was right, but I don’t want any more trouble, and so please, please, can we just let it go?”

“I don’t like this,” Blaine stated matter-of-factly, as he let his arms fall to his sides.

“I know,” Kurt nodded, reaching out to cup Blaine’s cheek, his thumb brushing lightly over it.

Blaine felt his breath hitch in his throat – a thing that often happened when around Kurt – before leaning in to the touch. “Fine, but if anything happens again, I will not hesitate to first, kick someone’s ass, and second, go to the authorities. With or without your permission.”

“Deal,” Kurt nodded, giving Blaine a grateful smile. “Although, I don’t think that anything will happen again, I’m pretty over the club scene at this moment.”

“Why were you there anyways?” Blaine asked curiously, making sure that his tone was light and non-judgmental.

“I’ve been going there for almost a year now.” Kurt turned his attention to his thumb that was still gently moving over Blaine’s cheek bone. “I always found that I felt most stress free while letting loose on the dance floor.”

“Was it really the dance floor? Or was it the alcohol that was so conveniently ten feet from the dance floor?” Blaine asked, earning a glare from Kurt, the stern look quickly dissipating as a look of guilt took its place.

“Maybe a bit of both.” Kurt mumbled, once again turning his attention to his thumb. “I could just let everything go while I was there, you know? No work to deal with, no Rachel to babble about how amazing Broadway is, just me and the music…and the alcohol.”

“But drinking your sorrows away isn’t the healthiest way to…”

“Thank you, Rachel,” Kurt mumbled cutting him off, letting his hand fall back into his lap. “I know, okay? Trust me, Rachel has made that point very clear, but it’s become a habit. It was my go-to place, and I knew that it helped, even if only temporarily.” Kurt shrugged as he brought his hands together once again to twiddle his thumbs. “I didn’t have anything else that had done that for me before – I might now – but not before. But after tonight, I really don’t want to go back. It was the one place that I hadn’t ever had an attack… until tonight at least. It’s not so much of a safe haven anymore.”

“We’ll find you another place,” Blaine assured him, reaching out to still his fidgeting thumbs. “We can find something that calms you down. Something or somewhere that makes you feel safe, or peaceful.”

“I think we already have,” Kurt breathed, biting his lip.

“What do you mean?” Blaine asked, titling his head to the side in question.

“You seem to be pretty good at getting me to relax.” Kurt tried once again to twiddle his thumbs, even under the weight of Blaine’s hand.

“Really? Because you’re still doing this…” Blaine moved to hold one of Kurt’s thumbs in his hand. “And this,” he added, bringing his free hand up to tug Kurt’s lip free from his teeth.

“That’s not…” Kurt paused, taking a deep breath to calm the shakiness in his voice. “That’s not because I’m nervous or stressed though. Well, not really. Not the bad kind,” Kurt explained, his eyes moving back to Blaine’s. “You make me nervous, but, like…a good nervous.”

“I-I do?” Blaine asked, his eyes widening at the confession.

“You do,” Kurt confirmed with a nod of his head. “We said we’d be friends, but I think it’s clear that we both struggle with keeping it that way sometimes,” Kurt began, watching as Blaine nodded in agreement before wedging his lip in between his teeth again. “I like you, Blaine. I hardly know you, and yet I feel completely safe when I’m around you. That confuses me because I have such a hard time letting people in, and yet you were the first person that I called tonight. I let you see me in a way nobody ever has. Whenever my panic attacks happen, I shut myself away so that no one can see, but when going through my contact list tonight to ask somebody to come get me, you were the only one that I felt I could let see me like that.” Kurt babbled, letting his gaze flutter to where their hands were, fingers now intertwined. “I’m not ready for a relationship. I have a bad history with them, and it could take me a while to get past that. But for now, I just want you to know that I do like you. More than you know, and I hope that that’s enough for you, at least for now.”

Blaine let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding and ran his thumb over the back of Kurt’s hand. “It’s more than enough,” he whispered.  The first genuine smile that Blaine had seen from Kurt that evening danced across his lips, and Blaine couldn’t help but return it, causing it to grow a little wider when he did.

“It’s late,” Kurt stated as he looked over at the clock that Blaine had hanging on the wall. “I should go if I want to get at least a few hours of sleep.” He moved his hand from Blaine’s grip and began to stand.

“Stay,” Blaine offered, looking up at him. “It’s already two-thirty, and it’ll be another hour before you make it back to your place. Just stay.”

“It’s fine, I can...”

“Please Kurt? If not for yourself, then for me. So that I know you are okay.” Blaine gave him his best puppy dog eyes.

“Oh my god, you’re such a five-year-old!” Kurt rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He chuckled, watching as Blaine’s face lit up.

“You can have my bed, I’ll take the couch.” Blaine stood and began walking towards the hallway. “I would give you the guest room, but I have no idea as to what state Sam has left it in, so...” He turned in confusion when he realized that Kurt wasn’t following him. “Kurt?” he asked, seeing him sitting on the couch once again.

“I can sleep here,” Kurt told him, ignoring Blaine as he rolled his eyes. “No seriously, Blaine. You’re already being nice enough just letting me stay. I don’t want you to have to give up your bed as well.”

“I don’t have to, I want to,” Blaine told him as he walked over and held out a hand. “Just let me be a good host, please?”

Kurt huffed his disapproval, but took Blaine’s hand, letting him lead the way to the bedroom.

Once inside, Blaine reluctantly let go of Kurt’s hand before heading towards his dresser, rummaging through it before pulling out two sets of pajama pants, and two black undershirts.

“Here,” he said as he held out a pair of pajama pants and a shirt towards Kurt. “I figured you wouldn’t want to sleep in those,” he said, his eyes scanning the very tight black pair of pants that covered Kurt’s legs. “These might be a little short on you, but I’m confident they’ll be a lot more comfortable.”

“Thank you,” Kurt said, giving him a grateful smile and taking the clothes.

Blaine quickly showed Kurt the on-suite bathroom, pulling out a spare toothbrush and handing him a washcloth in case he needed it before leaving him to get ready himself. When Kurt finally emerged from the bathroom, Blaine was already changed and was now standing in front of a mirror in the corner of the room brushing through his now loose curls. Kurt hadn’t ever seen Blaine without the curls plastered to his head held by the tight hold of their gel prison, but he had officially decided that although Blaine was devastatingly handsome no matter what, he definitely preferred his hair product-free.

“You’re staring,” Blaine pointed out, meeting Kurt’s eyes in the reflection of the mirror.

“Your hair…” Kurt began, but was cut off by a groan.

“Is a mess, I know,” Blaine said as he tried to fix it.

“No, I like it,” Kurt told him as he went over to the bed and sat down. “It’s cute.”

“Please, don’t lie.” Blaine rolled his eyes.

“No, I’m serious. It’s kind of sexy, really.” He shrugged, watching as Blaine’s attempt to fix the mass of curls stopped, and he turned to face Kurt. “It’s short enough to not be too wild, but long enough that it still has a curl. It suits you.”

“If you say so.” Blaine still was not convinced.

“I don’t lie,” Kurt told him matter-of-factly as he laid back against the bed, slipping halfway under the covers.

“Sure,” Blaine smirked when this time, it was Kurt who rolled his eyes. “Alright, you’re all good in here?” He asked as he grabbed his phone off of the dresser. Kurt nodded and Blaine smiled before making his way to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, I guess. Goodnight Kurt.”

“Blaine?” Kurt asked in a rush of breath when Blaine reached out to open the door, causing his hand to still on the doorknob as he turned and looked at the boy. “Stay,” he whispered, a slight blush creeping over his cheeks.

“Are you sure?” Blaine asked carefully.

“Please.” Kurt moved to the right side of the bed, holding open the blanket for Blaine. “Tonight’s been absolutely draining, and I really don’t want to be alone right now.” He explained upon sensing Blaine’s hesitation.

That seemed to help Blaine make his decision. He flicked the light off, set his phone on the nightstand, and made his way to the bed. He slowly crawled in, sliding down so that his head rested on the pillows, a sudden nervousness thrumming through his body.

“Blaine?” Kurt whispered when Blaine had finally settled tensely beside him.

“Hm?” Blaine responded, his body relaxing a little at the soothing sound of Kurt’s voice.

“Thank you,” Kurt said. “I’d probably still be sitting on the floor if you hadn’t come, so thank you.”

“Of course, Kurt.” Blaine’s breath hitched in the darkness when Kurt shuffled closer, his soft lips pressing a kiss to the corner of Blaine’s mouth. Both laid in silence, Blaine’s mind going into overdrive with feelings of excitement and fear, only slowing down when he felt Kurt’s hand moved onto his stomach to find his, their fingers instinctively intertwining. Blaine shifted so that he was lying on his side, facing Kurt. He lifted their hands to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Kurt’s before setting it down on the bed, letting go to place his arm across Kurt’s waist. He smiled when Kurt turned onto his side as well, his hands moving to Blaine’s chest, lightly balling up the fabric of his shirt in his fists, as if afraid that Blaine would float away if he let go.

“I like you too, by the way,” Blaine confessed, his smile widening when Kurt leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Blaine’s jaw, before letting go of his shirt, resting both hands in between them. He then shifted down on the bed so that his head could rest against Blaine’s chest. His eyes fluttered shut as Blaine rested his chin on top of Kurt’s head.

Both were content in the silence, eyes closed, breath soft as Blaine rubbed his thumb softly over Kurt’s hip, and Kurt, in return, traced small circles over Blaine’s collar bone. Blaine laid awake until Kurt’s breath evened out, his hand stilling and resting lightly against Blaine’s chest.

Blaine smiled at the feeling of their bodies intertwined, letting his hand move further to rub softly over the small of Kurt’s back. Kurt wasn’t ready for a relationship, and Blaine could accept that. For now, he was content with this. He was content with Kurt letting him in little by little, and if in the meantime he was able to hold him in his arms like this, he could wait as long as Kurt needed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we're already on chapter 6!! I still haven't figured out how many chapters the story will have as I'm kind of just going with it as a write, but I am almost finished writing chapter 9, and I don't see an end for a little while still so!   
> I want to THANK YOU ALL for your response to the story!! You all have made me absolutely ecstatic with your many reviews and Kudo's! You all are absolutely amazing, and are such a huge reason as to why I continue to write. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart!!   
> Once again, thank you to BeautifulUnseen for making this chapter readable, and for her patience over the past two weeks as I struggled to work through chapter 8!! You're phenomenal!   
> So here it is guys! Enjoy, and feel free to drop a comment to let me know your thoughts, or even suggestions! Can't wait to hear from you all!   
> -Bry

The rays of sunlight filtered into the room, casting a soft glow against the beautiful olive skin that disappeared into a black shirt. It was an odd moment for Kurt. The last intimate moment that he had encountered had been nearly a year and a half before, and it surely hadn’t felt as vulnerable as this one, yet he still felt calm in this moment. Safe, even. There was something about Blaine that made him feel secure. He was magnetic, constantly pulling Kurt in, even when he tried to pull away. If this was anybody else, Kurt would have up and ran hours ago, but he couldn’t this time. Instead, he sat, musing over the man that lay next to him. Blaine was gorgeous with his disheveled hair, his lips slightly parted, his eyelashes occasionally fluttering against his cheeks as his chest slowly moved up and down with each steady breath, and the warm glow of the sunlight splaying across his soft features.

“Morning,” he mumbled softly, eyes remaining closed.

“How’d you know that I was awake?” Kurt asked with a frown, propping himself on his elbow.

“Your eyes are burning a hole into my skin,” Blaine joked, smirking in amusement. “No, honestly though, you make this soft humming sound when you sleep, and I couldn’t hear it when I woke up, so I assumed.” He shrugged and let his eyes flutter open.

“I don’t make noises!” Kurt said defensively, his frown deepening.

“You do.” Blaine chuckled as Kurt groaned in embarrassment, flopping back onto the bed, and pulling his pillow over his face. “You did it for about a half hour without pausing once last night before I fell asleep. It’s adorable, really. It’s like you’re trying to sing in your sleep.”

“That’s so embarrassing.” Kurt’s voice was muffled by his pillow.

“No, I told you, it was quite adorable.” Blaine laughed, pulling the pillow away and chucking it off of the bed.

“Hey, my pillow!” Kurt looked back and forth between Blaine and the end of the bed.  “That was rude.”

“Oh god, now you’re the five-year-old.” When Kurt began to pout, Blaine amended his statement. “Maybe three-year-old is more accurate.”

“The rudeness just doesn’t stop,” Kurt said, breaking his pout, a frown creeping across his face.

“Oh please,” Blaine rolled his eyes. He watched as a pout once again made its way over Kurt’s face, and shook his head before quickly moving to pin Kurt to the bed. His legs straddled Kurt’s waist and his hands found Kurt’s sides and began to tickle. Kurt’s laughter erupted throughout the room, easily becoming one of Blaine’s favorite sounds, as he continued to relentlessly move his fingers against his sides.

“Oh god…Blaine…stop…” Kurt stuttered in between laughter, wiggling underneath Blaine’s grip. “It… it hurts…” he added as his hands found Blaine’s wrists, the other boy trying to tug his hands away. “Blaine!” he giggled, sighing with relief as Blaine steadied his hands, splaying them lightly on Kurt’s waist.

Both stayed silent for a moment as Kurt tried to catch his breath, their eyes locked on each other as he did.

“We um…” Blaine began, noticing the rapid movement of Kurt’s chest beginning to steady. “Are you hungry?”

“Y-yeah.” Kurt nodded quickly, eyes moving from Blaine’s.

“Good, yeah – I don’t have much around right now, but we could go grab something?”

“Sounds great.” Kurt agreed, before looking up, waiting for Blaine to move.

“Alright, let’s go then.”

“Blaine?”

“Hm?”

“I can’t move.” Kurt wiggled below him, watching as Blaine’s eyes shot up in realization, red beginning to tinge his cheeks.

“Right, right. I’m sorry,” he muttered. He got off and stood up next to the bed, offering a hand out to help Kurt up.

Kurt chuckled and took his hand to get up. “Don’t be,” he told Blaine with a shrug before walking over to where his clothes were neatly folded on top of the dresser. “Give me fifteen?” he asked. Blaine nodded, still clearly embarrassed. “Blaine, relax. I’m not upset. Considering everything that has transpired over the last twelve hours, that is the least embarrassing thing that has happened. Don’t forget that you woke up to me staring at you as you slept.”

“This is true, I guess. Really, you’re the creepy one out of the both of us,” Blaine teased, dodging the pillow that Kurt had grabbed off of the ground as it flew towards him.

“You’re lucky that I like you,” Kurt mumbled, walking towards the bathroom.

“No, I think that it’s _you_ who is lucky that I like you, Mr. stalker-who-watches-people-sleep.”

“Luckier than you know,” Kurt smiled fondly while he shut the door behind him, leaving behind a proudly beaming Blaine.

 

 

…

 

 

“God, I love coffee,” Kurt mumbled happily as he took another sip of the hot liquid that was his lifeline.

“So, you’ve said,” Blaine smirked in amusement. “Every time you’ve taken a drink of it.”

“That’s because it’s so good!” Kurt exclaimed, breaking into a smile.

“You seem to be doing okay today,” Blaine pointed out, tilting his head slightly. “Considering.”

Kurt bit his lip while he nodded in confirmation. “Usually when I have panic attacks like that I spend the next twenty-four hours sulking. I get pretty bitchy, and it pisses Rachel off.” Kurt’s eyes drifted to the empty plate in front of him. “But usually when I recover from an attack I’m alone, so I get frustrated, and I get angry with myself for being so childish. I didn’t do that last night. All in all, last night ended pretty well for me.”

“Yeah, I guess it did,” Blaine agreed. Both of them sat in silence for a few minutes before Blaine finally suggested that they head out. He slipped some cash on to the table and took Kurt’s wallet out of his hand, shaking his head and telling him that this was his treat.

They made their way out of the small diner, heading towards the familiar road that led into central park, picking a pathway before beginning to aimlessly walk.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt finally said, his voice small and timid, causing Blaine’s head to snap in his direction, concern etched across his face.

“For what?” he asked, confused.

“For telling you that I liked you, but telling you that it couldn’t go anywhere.” Kurt’s eyes were trained on the pathway in front of them.

“Hey,” Blaine said, reaching out to grip his arm lightly, which caused Kurt to stop and turn to face him. “I told you last night, just knowing that you like me is more than enough for me, alright?” he said sincerely, glancing at Kurt’s downcast eyes. “Kurt, look at me.” Kurt’s gaze flickered to his for a second before falling back to his feet. “No hey, I mean it. Look at me.” He reached out to tip Kurt’s chin up, ocean blue meeting hazel. “I understand, okay?” he said, trying his best to convey every emotion that he was feeling into his gaze. “We put up walls because of past experiences so that we won’t get hurt in the future. That’s being human, Kurt. Never apologize for looking out for yourself or being human.”

“Okay,” Kurt said breathily, his head bobbing in acknowledgement, his eyes falling shut as he took in a deep breath. “You’re amazing,” he whispered as he exhaled, his eyes opening to look into Blaine’s. “I just…amazing.” Kurt was unable to produce a coherent thought, his head swimming with a million thoughts at once. “You’re just amazing,” he said again before stepping forwards to press a kiss to the side of Blaine’s mouth.

It was a gesture that Blaine was becoming familiar with as something that Kurt did when trying to show him the emotions and thoughts that he was unable to express with words. Blaine’s lips turned up in a soft smile, and he reached out a hand, his smile growing when Kurt placed his own hand in it without much thought. “As are you,” he mumbled, giving it a squeeze.

Kurt tilted his head coyly,  looking up at Blaine through his lashes.

“What?” Blaine asked curiously, smiling slightly at how adorable Kurt looked in the moment.

“Nothing,” Kurt shook his head, another smile playing at his lips. “Nothing, let’s walk.” He added when he spotted Blaine’s look of confusion.  

They walked along, their hands now intertwined and swinging between them.

“When I first moved to New York, I used to come here all the time,” Blaine said as he looked around at the trees that surrounded them. “I would grab my guitar whenever I needed to de-stress, find some abandoned corner, and just sing until I felt better.” He glanced over at Kurt who was watching him intently as he spoke.

“So, it’s music for you, too?” Kurt asked watching as Blaine frowned in confusion. “That helps you relax,” Kurt clarified, smiling when Blaine’s eyes lit up with realization.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” he nodded. The thought had never occurred to him that it was the music that helped more than the surroundings. “I guess it’s kind of bred in to me, you know?”

“I do. Once in glee club, always in glee club.”

“It’s a blessing and a curse, really,” Blaine joked with a chuckle, which Kurt quickly joined, their laughter ringing out harmoniously through the serenity of the park’s atmosphere “People from school see you at bars and stuff and all of a sudden you’re expected to perform again. Not that I don’t love singing, but really, my warbler days are behind me.”

“Try being around the lead vocalist of your group twenty-four-seven.” Kurt realized what he had said immediately, and began to laugh at his own statement. “I guess you can’t really get away, can you?”

“Nope, kind of stuck with him,” Blaine laughed, shaking his head. “I know what you meant though.”

“She’s incorrigible, really,” Kurt rolled his eyes. “Anywhere there is a microphone, there is a Rachel hopping up to take center stage, and usually there is a Kurt being forced to sing backup.”

“But Kurt deserves to be more than backup,” Blaine stated adamantly. He cut off Kurt, who opened his mouth to protest. “I’m serious. You got into NYADA too, you must have an incredible voice.”

“It’s okay,” Kurt brushed it off, his eyes falling back to the path under their feet. Kurt had always known that his voice was unique, but he had gotten so used to being shoved into the background that he refused to let himself believe he was anything better than mediocre.

“I’m sure it’s amazing,” Blaine gushed confidently, squeezing Kurt’s hand in reassurance as they continued to walk.

 

 

**…**

“Where in god’s name have you been?!” Rachel’s voice rang harshly through the small apartment, causing Kurt to grimace in anticipation of the lecture that he knew he was about to receive. “I called you at least fifty times last night, only to be sent straight to voicemail each time. The least you could have done was let me know that you weren’t coming home, and that you were – oh.” Rachel’s rant came to a halt when her eyes landed on the brunette that stood next to her best friend.

“I’m fine,” Kurt spoke up finally, letting Blaine’s hand go as he proceeded to take his shoes off and move towards the girl. “My phone died, and my charger was here.”

“And you couldn’t have borrowed his?” she asked as she pointed towards Blaine, who was now staring awkwardly at his shoes.

“I didn’t think about it, alright? It was a long night.”

“I’m sure it was,” Rachel raised her eyebrows knowingly.

“It wasn’t like that,” Blaine said quickly, eyes snapping up to look at the two. “We didn’t – I wouldn’t…” he scrambled for words, stopping when the sound of Kurt’s giggle echoed through the room.

“I don’t understand how this is funny.” Rachel glared at Kurt as her hand found her hip.

“It’s – oh god – it’s not, it’s just...you’ve scared the man half to death,” Kurt said, motioning to Blaine who was now blushing furiously. “He’s right though, nothing happened – not with us at least.”

Rachel’s eyes softened, concern finding its way into them.

“I’m fine, honestly.”

“Are you sure?” she asked softly.

“I am now,” he nodded, giving her a reassuring smile. “Blaine took care of me. Oh, speaking of!” he exclaimed, suddenly excited.  “I don’t know if you remember from the party, considering you were wasted beyond belief, but Rachel, this is Blaine Anderson, Sam’s friend, and Blaine – well – I’m sure you remember Rachel.”

“That I do, it’s nice to meet you sober.” Blaine held out a hand, which Rachel was quick to shake, giving him a warm smile.

“It’s nice to meet you as well. But honestly, I could never forget the devastatingly handsome lead singer of the Warblers,” she admitted, laughing when Blaine groaned and let his head fall forward in embarrassment. “Hey, we all remember the famous Blaine Anderson. The boy who has a voice as sweet as honey and who looks like a sex god.” Blaine’s cheeks tinged scarlet. “Hey, you’re hot, embrace it.”

“That’s exactly what Kurt said.” Blaine rolled his eyes. “Thank you, really.”

“Anytime. Now, thank you for looking out for this one last night.” She gave him a grateful smile. “I do, however, expect a full explanation at some point, Hummel.”

“Something happened. I had an attack, Blaine picked me up, and I spent the night at his place. Nothing more to be said.” Kurt stayed as nonchalant as possible, not wanting to discuss further details.  “Seriously Rachel. Drop it.” Kurt snapped when the girl opened her mouth, causing both Rachel and Blaine to look at him, shocked at the sudden mood change. “It’s stupid, I’m fine, let’s move on.” His tone was stiff.

“Okay,” Rachel agreed quickly, not wanting to upset him further. “Blaine, do you want to come in? I can get you something to drink.”

“I’m alright. I should go actually, I have some homework to catch up on. But thank you.”

“Thank you again, for everything,” Kurt said once Rachel had left them alone.

“It was nothing, honestly.” Blaine shrugged, giving Kurt a soft smile. “Anytime.”

Kurt returned the smile and nodded, before turning his eyes to the ground, both boys standing in silence for a few moments.

“Do you want do something with me this week?” Kurt blurted out, his gaze unmoving from the floor. “We could go to the movies or something,” he suggested. “As friends, of course.”

“Of course. That sounds great. How about Thursday?” he asked, smiling when Kurt nodded and met his eyes. “Great, I’ll see you then.” He began to open the door to let himself out.

“Blaine?” Kurt said softly, causing Blaine to pause. Kurt moved so that he could wrap his arms around Blaine’s shoulders, pressing a kiss to his jaw and allowing his head to fall against the other man. “Thank you, again,” he whispered as he pulled back.

“Like I said, Kurt. Anytime. Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything.” He stepped out of the apartment, hearing the click of the door when it fell shut behind him.

 

 

**…**

The next week flew by for Kurt as he worked vigorously on getting everyone set up on their projects for Vogue’s November issue, making sure all deadlines would be met, and after work, going out to the movies with Blaine. The two had begun the ritual of meeting for coffee every morning before Blaine had to head off to classes, and it had come to be Kurt’s favorite part of the day. He was also thankful that Rachel was on a hiatus for the moment, having a month before rehearsals started up for a new role that she had landed, which meant that Kurt’s evenings were spent participating in movie marathons with his best friend. He didn’t dare to say it out loud, but he had missed spending time with Rachel, and was glad to have her back for a while.

 They were currently curled up on the couch as Grease played on the screen, both singing along with every song that came on.

“I missed this.” Kurt sighed as he let his head fall back on the couch. “I’m so glad that you’re furthering your career, but I miss nights like this where we can just watch movies with each other and scarf down ice cream.” As if to demonstrate, he took another large bite of his ice cream.

“Me too,” Rachel agreed, shooting him a sentimental smile. “It’s nice to have a break, honestly.” They fell into silence, both focusing on the movie.

“Seriously?” Kurt groaned when a knock rang throughout the apartment. “It’s like they know exactly when we are beginning to relax.”

“Alright, grouchy. I’ll be back.” Rachel paused the movie and heading to the door to see who it was.

Kurt frowned after a few minutes when she had yet to return, wondering what exactly was holding her up. Slightly concerned, he got up from his spot and made his way down the hall to check on the girl. “I swear, Rachel, if you’re making out with some guy we will have a serious –“ he began, but stopped abruptly when his eyes fell on the man that stood in the doorway.

“Kurt,” the man breathed, eyes flashing with relief.

“I told you to go,” Rachel snapped, sticking her arm out in front of him to block him from stepping inside. “Leave.”

“Kurt, I need to talk to you,” he said, ignoring Rachel’s protests. “Please.”

“No,” Kurt said firmly. He took a deep breath, feeling his chest begin to tighten.

“Kurt, please,” the boy begged, trying to take a step towards him, glaring at Rachel when her arm caught him.

“Leave,” Kurt repeated, eyes narrowing as he began to suck in breaths at a quicker pace.

“Kurt, we need to talk,” the boy protested, breaking past Rachel’s arm before walking up to Kurt, brushing his cheek.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” Kurt shrieked as he took a step backwards. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

“Kurt – “

“No! Get out!” Kurt shouted as he continued to back up. “Sebastian, get the fuck out!” he screeched when the boy tried to take another step. He watched as Sebastian narrowed his eyes and shook his head.

“Whatever. I don’t need your shit. I don’t know why I even bothered,” he snarled before turning, slamming the front door as he left.

“Kurt, are you okay?” Rachel panicked, quickly closing the gap between them.

“Don’t,” Kurt snapped when she reached out to hug him. “Don’t touch me.” He choked and his breathing became ragged. He turned quickly, stumbling to his room, shutting the door before collapsing on the floor.

He had a million questions running through his mind as he curled into a ball and began to rock himself back and forth. Why had Sebastian showed up? Why now, completely out of the blue?

As each question arose and remained unanswered, Kurt’s breaths became more and more labored. The suffocation had begun, and he now sat on the floor gasping for air that seemed non-existent.

“Kurt, let me in,” Rachel said, rattling the doorknob in an attempt to get in.

He couldn’t respond, instead just continued to gasp for air, hoping to relieve his aching lungs that screamed for oxygen.

“Kurt, please!” she pleaded as she tried the door again.

He tried to say something, only to have it come out in a muffled moan, before he let his eyes snap shut, feeling lightheaded from lack of air.

_Breathe. Just keep breathing. Don’t pass out, don’t pass out. Oh god, oh god, oh god. Come on, Kurt._

 

 

**...**

“Where is he?” Blaine asked urgently as he flew through the front door.

“Bedroom,” Rachel’s voice shook. “He won’t come out, or let me in. He came out of nowhere, Blaine. After a year, Sebastian just showed up at random. Kurt looked shattered when he saw him.”

“And you have no clue as to why he would show up?” Blaine asked.

Rachel slowly shook her head. “I’ve never seen Kurt like this before,” she whispered. “I know that he has attacks, but I’ve never seen them. Thank you for coming, I didn’t know who else to call.”

After she had tried a few more times to get into Kurt’s room, she had gone in to the living room to come up with a plan, but had spotted Kurt’s phone sitting on the coffee table. She had been quick to dial Blaine’s number, spitting out a million words a minute, letting him know what had happened and begging him to come.

“Of course. I’m going to try and talk to him,” Blaine decided, making his way down the hall. He slowly approached the bedroom door, leaning against it quietly to see if he could hear anything. Kurt’s breathing could be heard, but it sounded as if it had begun to slow, and that he was succeeding in calming himself. He knocked lightly, leaning his head against the wood. “Kurt?” he said softly, hoping that he could get through to him. “Kurt, can I come in? Please?”

“Oh, for f-fucks sake, of c-course she called y-you.” Kurt stuttered through shaky, shallow breaths.

“She’s just scared, Kurt. She wanted to make sure that you were okay,” he said calmly, ignoring the comment.

“I’m fucking fantastic!” Kurt shouted as he whipped open the door. Blaine drew in a sharp breath as his eyes landed on him, his eyes red and puffy, hair sticking out every which way, skin pale. “Go home Blaine.”

“Kurt.”

“No. Go home, Blaine,” Kurt snapped through gritted teeth as he walked back into his room. “I get that you helped me once, but this isn’t your job. I can take care of myself.”

“Hey, we talked about this,” Blaine shook his head, taking a small step into the room.

“Yeah, yeah.” Kurt rolled his eyes. “I don’t need a pep talk.”

Blaine wedged his lip between his teeth, brows furrowing in confusion. The Kurt that was in front of him now was so different from the Kurt that had stood in front of him the last time this had happened. The last time, Kurt had been so fragile and tired from his attack, and now he was a vision of pure anger. Just days before, he had been holding Blaine’s hand, leaning up to place a soft kiss at the corner of Blaine’s mouth when he was at a loss for words, and now, he sat with fire-infused eyes that were set in a permanent glare. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I told you, I’m fucking fantastic,” Kurt growled, shooting him yet another glare. “You’re not my boyfriend Blaine, you don’t need to be a knight in shining armor here.”

Blaine’s frown deepened. “I was just trying to help,” he said softly, wincing when Kurt let out a sharp laugh.

“Well go find someone else to help. I don’t need it.”

“I – fine, I’ll go. But at least stop being an ass long enough to let Rachel in. She’s freaking the fuck out on the couch, and deserves to at least be reassured that you’re going to be okay,” Blaine said, voice flat. “Bye Kurt.” He turned and made his way out of the apartment, ignoring Rachel’s protests to stay.

He was absolutely confused as to where the Kurt that he knew had disappeared to, but he wasn’t going to sit around and wait for him to return if it meant letting this version of Kurt throw jabs and insults his way. He wasn’t here to play games.  


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But B, it's not Monday yet! I know, this is an early update!! Tomorrow looks work packed for me, and I wasn't sure if I would be able to post, but you lovely people have waited a whole week for the next chapter, and so I figured I'd post early instead of posting on Tuesday. So here you all go, enjoy!

A loud bang resounded throughout the office as Kurt let out a frustrated groan and flopped back on to his chair, glaring at the dent in the wall that he had created.

“What was – what the hell Kurt?” Hannah screeched upon spotting the cracked paint.

“Sorry,” Kurt mumbled, eyes not faltering from their fixed glare on the ceiling.

“What the hell did you throw?” She asked, looking around for the offending object.

“My phone,” Kurt said simply.

“Good god, Kurt.” Hannah let out a sigh before moving towards the newly spotted object that lay a few inches from the wall. “Your phone hasn’t done anything to you,” she joked, hoping to lighten his mood in the slightest. She chuckled when he shot her a glare before looking back at the ceiling.

“He won’t answer,” he stated flatly. “I’ve called him multiple times every day this week, and have sent at least a thousand texts, but nothing. Not one reply.”

“Are you serious? This is still about Blaine?” She picked up the phone and made her way to his desk. “Do you honestly blame him? Rachel told me what happened when she called him for you, and as far as I’m concerned, you were a complete ass,” she scolded as she set his phone down on the desk.

“Which is why I would like to talk to him.” Kurt reached for his phone, shooting the girl another glare when she placed her hand over top of it to prevent him from retrieving it. “Hannah – ”

“No, don’t ‘Hannah’ me,” she told him as she picked up the phone. “We don’t need James finding anymore dents in the walls. If you’d like to keep your job, that is.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Kurt reluctantly agreed, slumping further into his chair. “I just really need to explain myself to him.”

“Then get off your ass and do it. If he won’t return your calls, go to him.”

“You think I should?” Kurt asked, worrying his bottom lip, his eyes questioning.

She nodded approvingly. “If it’ll get you to stop moping around the office and actually work, then I’m all for it. You’ve got eight days to get your shit together and release the November issue, and so far, you’re doing a terrible job. So, go talk to him. Clear things up, and come back when you can keep focused on your job for more than twenty seconds.”

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Just answer it,” Sam sighed as Blaine’s phone began to vibrate once again, the display lighting up the corner of the club where they currently sat. “He’s not going to stop until you do.”

“I’m sure he’ll get the hint at some point,” Blaine muttered, taking another sip of his drink.

“Really? Because someone who could take a hint would have given up a while ago, yet he’s still calling.” Sam pointedly picked Blaine’s phone up off of the table and rejected the call.

“Like I said, he’ll get the hint at some point,” Blaine sighed.

“What happened between the two of you, anyways?” Sam asked curiously as he took a sip of his drink, tilting his head in question. All Sam knew about the incident in question was that Blaine had stormed into his apartment after leaving Kurt’s, ignoring him when he asked what was up as he flew into his room, shutting and locking the door behind him.

Blaine felt childish thinking about it now. He was sure it seemed like he had thrown a tantrum just because Kurt had pushed him away, but truthfully, he was fed up of Kurt tossing him back and forth. It had gone from ‘no,’ to ‘you don’t want me,’ to ‘maybe,’ to ‘friends,’ to ‘I like you,’ and then right back to ‘no,’ all in the span of three weeks. Blaine couldn’t let himself continue to get his hopes up before having them ripped to shreds and tossed in his face.

He had told Kurt to call if he needed him, but after three days of radio silence, Blaine decided that no matter what had happened, no matter how great of an apology Kurt constructed, that he wouldn’t let himself fall back in to the trap that was Kurt Hummel.

Blaine turned to Sam. “I told you. We fought, he was an ass, and I decided that I didn’t need to deal with that in my life.” Blaine took a deep breath. “Let’s not talk about that anymore. It’s your last night in New York. I agreed to come clubbing because you begged me to, so let’s try and have some fun.”

Sam smiled. “Sounds great. Let’s go dance with the girls,” he said, nodding towards a section of the dance floor where Mercedes, Tina and Rachel were all dancing.

“I’m gonna head to the washroom first. I’ll meet you out there.” Blaine stood up and made his way out of the crowded club. 

In the bathroom, he took a moment to splash some water on his face in attempt to wash away the mood that had settled over him, hoping that he could find the energy to go out and have fun with his friends for the rest of the evening.

“Hi,” a familiar voice said quietly into the empty bathroom, causing Blaine’s head to shoot up in shock. He quickly ran a hand over his face to dry it. “Sam said I could find you in here.” Kurt, chewing on his bottom lip, spoke softly. He took a tentative step closer to Blaine, who stood tensely, looking at him through the mirror.  “I – we need to talk.”

“We don’t need to do anything,” Blaine snapped. He turned to face the boy, but kept his eyes on the ground, not wanting to look into Kurt’s out of fear of what it would do to him.

“Blaine, please, just let me – “

“You were pretty clear the last time we spoke, Kurt,” Blaine shot venomously as his anger began to surface.

“Just let me explain,” Kurt begged, taking a step closer only to move backwards again when Blaine recoiled, pressing his back as far into the sink as he could.

“Look Kurt, I get it. You don’t need help, or someone in your life. You’re a fucking big boy.”

“That’s not – “

“Really? Because quite frankly I remember the words, ‘I can take care of myself’ being spat at me a week ago, proceeded by you, oh so nicely, letting me know that I wasn’t your boyfriend,” Blaine growled. He hadn’t discussed the events of that night with anybody, so now that he was letting the words out, the enormity of his anger was becoming more and more apparent.

“I didn’t mean – “

“Bullshit!” Blaine shouted, looking directly into Kurt’s eyes, unafraid this time. “Don’t feed me that crap, Kurt. Angry or not, shaken or not, you meant every word.”

“But I didn’t!” Kurt defended, throwing his hands up in irritation.

Blaine opened his mouth to respond, but Kurt interjected.

“No!” he yelled frantically. “Stop cutting me off and let me talk.” His voice was strong and his stern eyes were set in a determined glare.

He watched as Blaine’s eyes widened slightly, as if shocked by the force of Kurt’s words. Blaine swallowed thickly and nodded wordlessly, unable to speak even if he had wanted to.

“You have no idea what set me off. I know Rachel told you that Sebastian showed up at random, but you have no idea as to why that affected me the way it had. If you would have answered one of my texts or answered any of my calls, we could have met so that I could explain. But you didn’t and now we’re here, and I’ll be damned if I let you walk out before I at least shed a little light as to why I was such a bitch to you.”

“O-okay.” Blaine nodded, letting himself relax a little at the sounds of Kurt’s voice, hope spreading through him at Kurt’s words. Kurt was going to let him in, even if it was just a little.

“Sebastian was the last guy that I dated. We met through some friends when I started at NYADA. I wasn’t one to go and make friends, or step into social situations in which I was uncomfortable or out of my element. Especially being the kid who had panic attacks at random, I avoided contact with anybody who didn’t already know me,” Kurt began, making his way to the wall next to the sinks, sliding down until he was sitting on the ground, looking up at Blaine. “Rachel had made it her mission to help me make friends, and so after spending time with some of them at the apartment, I agreed to go out one evening for drinks. 

“That’s where I met Sebastian. He was in his first year at NYU, and had picked up on how uneasy I was that evening. He spent the entire night by my side making sure that I was okay, and that I felt comfortable. I hadn’t had anybody do that for me before. Usually people saw me in one of two ways: I was either that gay kid who hung out with the girls, or that freak who couldn’t keep his shit together. Sebastian didn’t know about my past and instead knew that I was awkwardly shy, and he tried to make me feel okay.”

Blaine stepped away from the sink to crouch in front of Kurt, nodding to encourage him to continue. He was relieved to hear that Kurt was willing to tell him a bit about his past. However, he knew that since Kurt was currently single, the story was not going to have a happy ending, and by the way Kurt’s voice was laced with a tinge of sadness, he was sure that he wasn’t going to like it.

“We started dating a few weeks later, and it was great. He was always a gentleman, and after a few months, he asked me to move in with him. I declined at first, not wanting to move too fast or push too far, but after a while of convincing on his part, I agreed. We lived together for a month and a half before everything crashed.” Kurt took a breath to steady the shaking that had set into his body. “I had been at Vogue for a few months by that time, and I was about three weeks into my position as assistant chief editor. We were about to put out our Christmas Issue, which was a huge deal, as we go all out for holiday releases. It was so much at once, considering that I was still learning the ropes, yet the head editor had told me that it was time to take on the full responsibility, and that the Christmas issue was my first solo run.” He sighed, closing his eyes as Blaine slid to the floor in front of him.

“I’d had a particularly rough day, and I ended up quickly walking home in the middle of the workday to avoid anybody seeing the panic attack that I felt rising. When I got home, I lost it. I fell on to the floor of the living room, sobbing and trying to regain my breath. Sebastian had said that he was going to be gone the whole day, so I felt at least the slightest bit relieved knowing that he wouldn’t be around to see me. After I had composed myself enough to walk, I had made my way in to the bedroom only to – “ he stopped, closing his mouth to suppress the sob that was threatening to break through. 

“No, Kurt. No.” Blaine shook his head, knowing exactly what Kurt was about to reveal to him. His eyes moved to the floor, sure that if he looked at Kurt his own tears would begin to build, and he needed to be strong in this moment. After a moment of silence, he found himself worrying if Kurt was okay, and so casting his previous fear aside, he let his eyes find Kurt’s, his heart breaking a little when he spotted the tears pooling there.

“He – um – they…they had been together for three months and had been secretly fooling around when I was at work,” he whispered, as his tearful eyes fell to the floor. “Needless to say, I freaked, forcing him out of the apartment before losing it once more. I moved back in with Rachel the next day.”

“God Kurt, I’m so sorry.” Blaine breathed, reaching out to take hold of the other man’s hand, frowning when Kurt pulled his back.

“Don’t,” he said quietly. “I don’t need your sympathy.”

“For god’s sake, Kurt!” Blaine jumped up in frustration.

“I don’t!” Kurt shot back, quickly snapping his mouth shut as his eyes widened at the words he was speaking, realizing that he was doing the exact thing he was apologizing for. “I’m sorry, I –“

“No, don’t say that you didn’t mean it.” Blaine shook his head, eyes narrowing. “I’m sorry, I really am, that you had to go through that. But god, Kurt, you can’t keep treating people like this just because you’re determined not to let anybody in.” He made his way to the door as he continued. “I understand that it’s upsetting, and that it probably hurts like hell, but you can’t keep hurting others in return.” He pulled the door to the club open, leaving a broken Kurt behind.

Blaine was quick to find his friends on the dance floor, whispering to Sam that he’d had enough and was heading home. He returned to their table, grabbed his jacket, and began to make his way towards the door. He hadn’t noticed Kurt trailing a few steps behind him, winding through masses of bodies to reach him.

Firm hands met Blaine’s arm and spun him around. His brows furrowed in confusion, eyes searching to find out what was happening and who was touching him, but before he could get very far, a pair of soft lips unexpectedly found his. Blaine’s eyes fluttered closed instinctively upon the familiar touch and smell of Kurt as his hands moved from his arm to his waist, holding him gently in place.

Just as suddenly as it began, the kiss broke, and Blaine stumbled over his words. “I-I… Kurt…”

Kurt leaned his forehead against Blaine’s. “Shh, don’t,” he whispered, the sound barely audible over the booming dance music. His hand moved to cup Blaine’s cheek, and his thumb ran over his bottom lip.

Stunned, turned on and entirely confused, Blaine’s eyes searched Kurt’s for any indication as to what he was supposed to do next.

“Don’t say anything,” Kurt finally spoke with a hint of a smile. “Just shut up and let me kiss you.” He leaned towards Blaine once more, claiming the other man’s lips with his own.

The kiss started out gentle, as both seemed to be holding back out of fear of pushing too far. After a moment of small, soft kisses, however, Kurt pushed forward, pressing his lips more firmly to Blaine’s.  He smiled against Blaine’s mouth when he responded instantly.

They stood entwined for what seemed like hours with their mouths moving in sync. Blaine’s hands were on Kurt’s waist, fingers digging into the soft skin covered by the light fabric of his shirt. His mind was running a million miles an hour, heart ready to beat out of his chest, as he let himself get lost in Kurt.

Finally pulling back, Kurt moved so that his head was resting on Blaine’s shoulder, face pressed to his neck. As he tried to regain his breath, a smile graced his lips.

“Wow,” Blaine said breathily, eyes shut as if afraid the moment would end if he opened them.

“Yeah, wow,” Kurt whispered, smile widening when he heard Blaine giggle softly.

Placing a kiss on Blaine’s neck and his arms around Blaine’s shoulders, he pulled the boy in as close as he could to try to prolong the moment. Blaine let a soft smile come across his lips as they stood swaying to the music, Kurt’s face buried in Blaine’s neck as he rested his chin on Kurt’s shoulder.

“Kurt, we should talk about this,” Blaine said after a few moments, resulting in a groan from Kurt.

“Soon. Later,” Kurt told him as he brought his hand up to play with the curls at the nape of Blaine’s neck. “Just stay here for a second. Stay with me in this moment.”

“But – “

“Blaine please,” Kurt whispered, pressing another kiss to his neck. “Just stay.”

 

 

…

 

 

“Kurt?” Blaine spoke up, breaking the silence that was surrounding them as they sat curled up on Blaine’s couch.

“I know I know.” Kurt mumbled, shifting from where he was currently snuggled up to Blaine’s side. “I promised talking.”

“That you did, but, I was actually going to ask you to move, because I can’t feel  my arm,” Blaine told him, laughing when his cheeks began to tinge red.

“Oh,” he whispered, biting his lip as Blaine continued to laugh at his embarrassment.

“But I guess we should get to that talking...” Blaine trailed off, shifting on the couch so that he was facing Kurt.

“Right, yeah.” Kurt’s eyes fell to their interlocked hands that were resting on Blaine’s thigh. “I-I, um…” he stuttered, closing his eyes as he tried to find the words. “I – fuck, this is hard.” He growled in frustration, drawing in a deep breath.

“Hey, it’s okay. Take your time.” Blaine’s voice was calm and he squeezed Kurt’s hand in reassurance.

“Okay. So, um, you know about Sebastian and how all of that went,” Kurt finally said, opening his eyes to find Blaine’s. “Most of my past relationships have ended badly. The beginnings are great, but then the guy catches me having a panic attack and it’s like it scares them, so they leave. Every single one of them.” He cleared his throat, willing the tears that were beginning to pool in his eyes to disappear. “I told you on the phone a while ago that nobody wants something that’s broken. It’s something that I’ve come to believe because in my past, that’s what people have told me as they walked out on me. I’ve let myself believe those things, and inevitably, define me, and because of that I’ve closed myself off from any possibility of hearing those words again,” he breathes softly, blinking rapidly as a few tears escaped. “That’s why I kept pushing you away. I knew that I could fall for you, and I didn’t want to watch you walk away when you realized that I was too broken to fix. I’m not saying that you would necessarily, but that’s all I’ve ever known.”

“Kurt – “

“No, just let me get this out, because if I don’t do it now, I won’t.” His eyes traveled back to their hands, watching as Blaine’s thumb softly moved back and forth against his. “You have this magnetism to you. I’ve tried so hard to pull back, but you’re always there. It scared me at first, because I had only known you for a few hours, and yet I couldn’t seem to leave you behind. I thought that by letting a friendship develop, I’d at least be content with having some form of you in my life, but the more time spent with you, the harder it was to push past that boundary.

“And then Sebastian showed up, and you came to help, and I was so glad to know that I hadn’t scared you off the night of the club fiasco. You just wanted to help, but then I panicked because every time I’ve let someone help, it’s fallen apart and I end up with more broken pieces that I had before. So, I snapped. I snapped, and I shouldn’t have, because you’re right. I can’t keep treating people that way just because I’m afraid to let them in.“ He took a deep breath, forcing his eyes to meet Blaine’s once more and receiving a reassuring smile in return. “I was determined to let you know why I snapped that day when I showed up at the club tonight, and you were amazing when I did. You listened and you were so supportive, but then you had that look in your eye. The look of pity. I have seen that look too many times before watching someone walk out, so I snapped again. But when you walked out of the bathroom, I panicked even more. I hadn’t even gotten the chance to let you know that I came back to tell you that I was ready for more, and then you were leaving. So, I pushed all fear and doubt to the side and ran after you, because you aren’t something that I can let go of, not without a fight.”

Blaine sat in silence for a moment eyes trained on their hands, letting the enormity of Kurt’s words wash over him. Kurt had put everything that he had come to fear aside for him. To fight for him. Letting a smile creep across his lips, he let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. Leaning forward, he let his lips meet Kurt’s. The kiss was soft and delicate, but it conveyed every emotion that Blaine was feeling at that moment.

“Thank you,” he whispered when they broke apart and he leaned his forehead against Kurt’s. “For letting me in, for pushing your fear aside, for just – for just being you.”

“No, if anybody needs to be thanked for being who they are, it’s you,” Kurt said, brushing his fingers across Blaine’s cheek. “You’ve seen me at my worst, which is something that nobody else can say. The guys from my past relationships saw minor attacks compared to the two that you’ve seen, and you’re still here. You didn’t run in the opposite direction, but instead kept coming back when I pushed even harder. If anybody needs to be thanked for anything it’s you, for coming back.”

“You’re beautiful, you know?” Blaine’s voice was soft, his eyes crinkling at the sides as his smile widened at Kurt’s eye roll. “You are. You’re absolutely flawless, in more ways than one.”

“I’m most definitely not flawless.” Kurt shook his head, letting out a breathy laugh. “And I’m definitely not beautiful. There are many men out there that are, but I’m definitely not in their category.”

“Yeah, but you don’t need to be beautiful like them,” Blaine told him, pulling back so he could look into Kurt’s eyes. “You’re beautiful like you.”

“You’re quite the charmer, aren’t you, Anderson?” Kurt laughed, leaning in to peck his lips once more.

“I try.” Blaine shrugged with a smirk.

“Can I stay?” Kurt whispered moments later, eyes downcast and cheeks turning a slight shade of red. “I just, I don’t want to leave you yet.”

He was answered by Blaine’s lips pressing to his once again, feeling the other boy smile against the kiss before pulling back. “You can absolutely stay.” Blaine nodded. “Plus, I’m very content to do this a few more times.” He punctuated it with another kiss.

Soft kisses turned into deep passion-filled ones within seconds. Blaine shuffled backwards, pulling Kurt with him until he was lying on top of him on the couch, both content to stay that way, neither one pushing any further.

It was in that moment, lips pressed to Blaine’s soft ones, mouths moving in sync, hands roaming almost reverently over soft skin, that Kurt realizes that he could do this. That he could let Blaine in completely, and for the first time in what seems like forever, he feels like he is starting to regain breath that he had once lost. That light was streaming in to what was once darkness that surrounded him, all because of the hazel eyes that have seemed to spark new life and hope within him. And he is content.  Content to let the light and life come in, ready to face whatever comes next, as long as it means that he can do it in the arms of the gorgeous man in front of him.

Screw friendship, this was ten times better, and he found himself asking one question: why on earth did he want to run away in the first place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all liked it! Don't forget to leave me comments, letting me know what you thought as well as any suggestions you may have!! Once again, as always, thank you to the amazing BeautifullyUnseen, ya'll wouldn't have the fic that you do if it weren't for her! You should go check out her new story Strangers In Love, it's absolutely amazing so far! 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Until next time,   
> -B


	8. Chapter 8

“Blaine…” Kurt mumbled letting his eyes fall shut for a moment, head tilting back in pleasure. “I’m supposed to be working, you know?” he added, any trace of protest leaving his voice as he let out a moan.

“No, I didn’t get that at all, considering the lack of typing, or the fact that your eyes are screwed shut,” Blaine said sarcastically as he continued to work his fingers over the stiffness of Kurt’s neck.

“That’s not fair. I was typing furiously before you came in, and my eyes were open wide, thank you very much,” Kurt quipped, opening his eyes once again, the smirk that had begun to creep on to his lips dissolving into an expression of greatest pleasure when Blaine worked on a knot in his shoulder. He could not stop his eyes from falling shut once again as he spoke breathlessly. “Your hands are magical.”

“Clearly.” Blaine chuckled, moving his hands lower to work on Kurt’s upper back. “I’ve never had anyone turn into a literal puddle in my hands before.”

“M’not a puddle,” Kurt fired back, but his words were a slurred jumble as Blaine’s ‘magic fingers’ continued to relieve the tension in his back.

“You most definitely are.” Blaine laughed, shaking his head and pulling his hands away. His laugh grew louder when Kurt groaned in protest, a pout forming across his lips, his eyes fluttering open.

“I didn’t say that you needed to stop,” Kurt said, swiveling around to face Blaine who was resting against his desk.

“You didn’t, but I’m sure James would be a little pissed if, at the end of the day, the November issue was not handed in, considering it is set to be published in four days. Plus, Hannah will be in any moment to drag me away, and tell you to get back to work. She promised me five minutes.” 

“Ugh, that woman,” Kurt scoffed, letting his head fall back against his chair as he slid down a little. “Always keeping tabs on me.”

“Oh whatever, you love her.” Blaine knew how much Kurt appreciated Hannah. “When do you think you’ll be off?”

“Only god knows.” Kurt shrugged. “Oh! Speaking of work and Vogue and stuff,” Kurt began, pulling himself up in his chair, excitement shining behind his blue eyes that were glued to Blaine’s. “We have our annual Halloween party on Tuesday.”

“Yeah, Hannah mentioned it before she let me in to see you. She was overly excited that the party was actually taking place on Halloween this year instead of the weekend before.”

Kurt laughed and shook his head, “Well, considering that I am the assistant chief editor and all, I’m expected to have some ‘serious eye candy’ –  as James puts it – on my arm, and I was wondering if, well…I wanted you to come with me,” he said quickly, letting his eyes fall to where Blaine’s hand rested on the desk. “Only if you want to, though, because if you don’t, that’s totally okay – “

“Kurt.”

“–I mean, it’s so last minute, I know, but I could make your costume – “

“Kurt!”

“–And I’d be able to give you a ride. I just think it’d be nice to go with someone that I actually like and not some random guy that the company finds for me, and… _umph_.” Blaine’s lips landed on Kurt’s, sufficiently ending the boy’s nervous ramble.

“I’d love to,” Blaine whispered when he had pulled back, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Really?” Kurt asked hopefully as he bounced a little in his chair, causing Blaine to let out a soft laugh at his eagerness.

“Absolutely.” He grinned when Kurt clapped his hands together, causing him to look like an over exuberant five-year-old. He quickly moved his chair so that he was sitting next Blaine, opening his laptop and scrolling through a huge folder of costume designs to find ones that would work best for Blaine.

“I should ramble more often,” Kurt stated after a few moments of searching, before sitting back in his chair. “Hell, I’ll ramble all day every day if that’s the way you go about stopping me.”

“I’ll have to find another way now,” Blaine teased, watching as Kurt once again began to pout. “You do realize that you are far too old to be doing that, yes?”

“I’m only twenty-one!”

“Exactly. Too old.” Blaine sighed in defeat at the pout on Kurt’s lips. “Seriously, Kurt. What will I ever do with you?”

“I can think of many things,” Kurt said suggestively. His face fell when Blaine pushed away from the desk to stand.

“You, Mr. Hummel – assistant chief editor of Vogue – must be getting back to work. If not for the sake of Vogue itself, then for the fact that if I don’t leave soon, Hannah will beat me senseless.”

“Do you have to go?”

“Unfortunately, beautiful, if I stay, I don’t think you’ll get much work done.” Blaine’s face softened at the disappointment written across Kurt’s features. “But, we’re still on for coffee tomorrow morning, right?”

Kurt eagerly nodded his head.

“Good.” Blaine was satisfied. “Now, get back to work and kick some editing ass.” He leaned down, placing a soft kiss to the corner of Kurt’s mouth before making his way out of the office, waving and closing the door behind him.

 

 

**…**

 

 

“So, he’s your boyfriend then?” Sam asked as he made his way into the living room, holding out a beer for Blaine to take.

“No.” Blaine took the offered beverage before slumping further into the couch. “We are… well honestly, we don’t have a title right now. Plus, we’ve only known each other for just less than a month, and I don’t want to rush things.” He took a sip of his beer, glaring over the bottle at Sam, who was shaking his head. “Don’t go lecturing me, here. Kurt isn’t ready for that yet, and considering all that I now know about his past, I don’t blame him.” Blaine ignored the scoff that came from Sam. “We’re more than friends. Kurt likes me, and that’s all I know, and all I need to know at this moment.”

“Oh bullshit.”

“I’m serious, Sam!” Blaine defended, sitting up straight on the couch. “He’s amazing, and if this is all I get of him, then so be it. He’s had it rough, you know that. The night after Rachel’s party, you told me that he’s always been guarded and that I shouldn’t give up on him. So I’m not.”

“Damn, I did say that, didn’t I?” Sam sighed as Blaine chuckled victoriously and nodded. “Okay, but Blaine? Just watch out for yourself too, yeah?”

“Always.” Blaine slid back down on the couch. “But honestly, I trust Kurt. I know that we’ve had a rough start, but after talking, I understand where he’s coming from, and I think that he’s starting to realize that pushing everybody away isn’t the way to go about things.”

“I understand that, but while you’re helping him, don’t dismiss your own feelings or think that if he hurts you that you have to put the pain aside for fear of breaking him, alright?” 

Blaine gave a drawn-out sigh, knowing that Sam was coming from a place of caring. They had been best friends for a while now, and Sam knew Blaine had a tendency to put aside his own feelings to make sure that everybody around him was comfortable. It’s something that had stemmed from the many times that he had to pretend that the way his father spoke to his mother hadn’t hurt him as well, in order to help her work through it.

“I promise, okay?” he said quietly, letting his sincere gaze meet Sam’s concerned one. “I know that I’m infamous for letting others walk over me, or for hiding things, but I won’t do that this time.”

“Good!” Sam said, much more cheerfully this time. “Now, let’s go do something touristy and fun. I only have one day left here, and you’ve been so caught up in Kurt that I haven’t had a chance to get the full-on Blaine Anderson tour.”

“Shit, Sam,” Blaine tilted his head down in shame, the guilt rising within him. “I forgot that you’re leaving. You should have slapped me or something and been like ‘hey douchebag, pay attention to me.’ The whole Kurt thing is important, but he’ll be here when you go. You, however, my best friend, will not.”

“I couldn’t do take you away from him like that. At least not knowing what Kurt goes through.”

“Well thank you,” Blaine smiled, his frame relaxing as the guilt seemed to seep out of his body. “For understanding.”

Sam nodded, giving Blaine a smile before getting up from the couch. He ordered Blaine to make himself look presentable, because there was no way that he was spending his evening next to a boy in baggy sweats and an old Dalton t-shirt. Blaine rolled his eyes, but did exactly as asked, taking a quick shower before sliding on some jeans and a polo, opting to leave the bow tie out of his outfit that evening.

“So, what are we doing?” He asked curiously when he finally emerged from the bathroom, his curls tamed by some gel, but not in his usual ‘gelmet’ as Sam called it.

“First of all, Mr. Prim and Proper, go put a normal shirt on. Preferably a lightweight one. You’ll thank me later. And second, we’re meeting Rach and Tina at the club again. They said that you owed them for leaving so abruptly last time.”

“I said I was sorry!” Blaine cried, feeling guilty once more. 

“Dude, we get it. But seriously, go change your shirt.”

“Fine,” Blaine grumbled before walking into his room, grabbing a plain black V-neck, and pulling it on before heading back out into the living room. “Happy?”

“Immensely.” Sam smirked before ushering him out the door.

 

 

**…**

 

 

His eyes fluttered open for a second, then immediately shut as the light invaded them. He groaned in protest, rolling onto his side, whimpering as pain radiated through his head.

“Never again,” he grumbled, wincing as a pillow hit him in the head. “What the hell?”

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!” Sam screeched. Blaine’s eyes shot open to glare at him before they fell closed once again to block out the offending light. “Alright, so we’re grumpy.”

“I’ve been hit by a truck. That’s the only way to explain this.” Blaine brought his hand up to his face, resting it on his forehead as if trying to magically extract the pain.

“Nope, no truck.” Sam laughed before pouncing on to the bed, jumping lightly and jostling Blaine, who clutched at his head.

“You’re an asshole,” he spat.

“Am not!”

“Fuck off, Sam!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. But that’s what you get for drinking as much as you did,” Sam said matter-of-factly as he plopped on to the bed.

“Which was how much again?”

“A few rounds of tequila shots, two gin and tonics, and a few Kamikaze shots.”

“Kami what?” Blaine asked as he finally opened his eyes and scooted up to a sitting position.

“A Kamikaze shot. It’s lime juice, vodka and Triple Sec. You deemed it the best shot you had ever had.”

“I take it back,” Blaine grumbled, running a hand over his face.

“Anyways, I’m here for two reasons. One, you have a coffee date with lover boy in forty-five minutes, and I figured you’d need the time to get ready, because in all honesty dude – you look like ass. And two, my cab’s waiting outside to take me to the airport, and I figured that you might literally kill me if I left without saying goodbye.”

“You’re a smart one,” Blaine quipped, smiling sadly at Sam. “You really have to go?”

“I really have to go. I only had two weeks off, and then they let me extend another week and a half, so I really do need to get back before they decide to fire me.”

“They wouldn’t.”

“Oh, they would. Plus, a few of the kids from glee have been messaging me, letting me know that I have a shit ton of practice to make up for, and reminding me that regionals are in two weeks.”

“Oh right! Shit, dude!” Blaine said as he climbed off the bed. “They’re gonna murder you for the lack of rehearsal.”

“Nah, they’ll be great.” Sam said, holding his head up proudly.

“Eh, their coach is alright, I guess.”

“Hey now!” Sam shot him a pointed glare.

“Kidding, you all are going to kill it.” Blaine motioned for the boy to follow him out of the room, making his way to the door where Sam’s bags sat. “Well, thanks for coming down.”

“I mean, I came for Rachel’s thing really…” Sam teased, smiling fondly when Blaine shook his head and chuckled.

“See you soon, yeah?” Blaine asked, his face softening with sadness.

“I swear to god, Anderson, if you cry –”

“I won’t, I won’t,” Blaine said quickly, blinking back the tears that had begun to pool in his eyes. “Fuck, I’m such a wuss.”

“Nah, you just care.” Sam pulled him into a hug. “See you soon,” he mumbled, clapping Blaine on the back before pulling away, giving him a wave.

“Hey Sam?” Blaine asked as Sam opened the door and stepped out of the apartment.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks again, for pushing me to try with Kurt, and for just being around.” Blaine shot him a grateful smile.

“Anytime, dude.” Sam waved once again before making his way down the hallway, leaving Blaine to busy himself with getting ready to go see Kurt.

 

 

**…**

 

 

 

“Well, you look awful,” Kurt said as Blaine fell into the chair across from him.

“Gee, thanks.” Blaine gratefully took the cup that Kurt handed to him.

“It has two shots of expresso in it,” Kurt told him, an amused smile playing across his lips.

“Why?”

“Because I received a call from Sam this morning to let me know that you might be having a rough morning after drinking copious amounts of alcohol last night.” Blaine groaned and moved to rest his forehead on the table. “That, and the dozen text messages that I received last night tipped me off.”   
“Oh god, no,” Blaine said, eyes widening as he sat up straight to look at Kurt, who was now full on smirking.

“They were quite entertaining, really.”

“Oh my god, I’m so sor –“

“ _Kurt, did you know that you’re attractive? Like really attractive. Like so attractive that I wish I could stare at you all the time. That’s creepy. But really, you’re amaz…wait…oh yeah, amazing._ ” Kurt read, laughing at the bright red that colored Blaine’s cheeks. “It’s cute.”

“No, it’s definitely not.” Blaine covered his face in embarrassment. “More like completely mortifying.”

Kurt laughed once again as he reached across the table to take the hand that was across Blaine’s face, lowering it as yet another smirk appeared across his lips. “Just think, that’s only one of the texts.” This time, Blaine let his head fall once again to the table with a thud.

“Never drinking again.” Blaine’s voice was muffled by the table.

“Don’t say things that you don’t intend to follow through with, Mr. Anderson,” Kurt quipped as his laughter subsided. He let his thumb stroke over Blaine’s knuckles softly, hoping that it would help calm the embarrassment that the other boy was feeling. “Really though, I don’t mind receiving messages telling me how attractive I am.” Kurt gave Blaine a lopsided grin when his hazel eyes came into view.

“At least my priorities are straight, even when drunk.” Blaine returned Kurt’s grin when Kurt let out a giggle.

“So, I was thinking that today should be more of a lazy day,” Kurt said, eliciting a relieved sigh from Blaine.

“Good, because my head feels like it’s been smashed with a brick, and I don’t know how much energy I can conjure up at the moment.”

“Which is why I thought that we could maybe go down to Cherry Walk and spend some time there, and then head back to my place later for a movie? While you’re there I could maybe get your measurements for your costume?”

“That sounds great, actually.” Blaine gave Kurt a grateful smile for planning the day around his god-awful headache. “Do I get to know what I’m gonna be?” he asked hopefully, pouting when Kurt shook his head.

“That would ruin the surprise,” Kurt told him, quirking his eyebrow at the boy in amusement. “Was it not you who was telling me just yesterday that I was too old for that?” he asked, causing Blaine to stop pouting instantly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, as nonchalant as possible.

“You’re a real piece of work, Anderson.” Kurt shook his head fondly before moving out of his chair. “Come on, let’s go.”

 

 

**…**

 

 

Their time down along the Cherry Walk had been just what Blaine needed, as his headache had subsided to a dull pain that he hardly noticed. They had walked for a while before stopping and sitting on the grass, talking about Kurt’s stress over the upcoming issue of Vogue, and how he always got a little worked up when they were publishing the monthly issues. Blaine discussed how his classes were going and how he greatly wanted to take a swing at his English professor for his lack of human emotion and I’m-better-than-you aura.

They made their way back to Kurt’s apartment a few hours later, finding it empty save for a note from Rachel letting Kurt know that she would be in late. They made their way to the spare bedroom, which was deemed Kurt’s design studio, where he quickly went to work taking Blaine’s measurements. After having Blaine stand with his arms held out for what, in Blaine’s opinion, was forever, Kurt finally allowed him to put his hands down, telling him to head out and pick a movie as Kurt put his things away. Blaine was quick to make his way out of the room, and began to search through Kurt’s extensive movie collection.

A knock sounded throughout the apartment, causing Blaine to stop his search to look towards the door, frowning in confusion as he stood up from his place on the floor.

“Kurt? Were you expecting someone?” He called as he made his way to the door, hearing a second knock ring out.

“No, what are you talking about?” Kurt asked, clearly having missed the sound of knocking just moments prior. Instead of answering Kurt’s question, Blaine reached for the door handle, twisting it before slowly opening the door, his eyes landing on the chestnut-haired boy standing on the other side.

“Can I help you?” He asked in confusion as he let his eyes trail over the boy.

“Is Kurt here?” He asked, narrowing his eyes at Blaine and crossing his arms over his chest.

“He, um, yeah.” Blaine nodded, still looking over the boy. He looked familiar, or possibly like somebody that Kurt had described to him at some point, but at the moment Blaine couldn’t figure out who.

“Can you tell him that Seb – “ the boy was cut off midsentence as Blaine slammed the door shut, his eyes widening as realization dawned on him. He turned away from the door, leaning back against it as a million thoughts began to run through his mind.

“Who was it?” a voice asked, cutting into his thoughts. Blaine’s gaze shot up from the ground to where Kurt was standing in front of him, a concern look etched across his face.

“No one.” Blaine shook his head quickly, trying his best to give Kurt a reassuring smile. “Dammit!” he said harshly as another knock came from the door. Kurt was at Blaine’s side in an instant, reaching for the door knob to open the door. “Kurt, don’t.” Blaine warned him, reaching to catch the boy’s wrist.

Kurt raised an eyebrow at Blaine, clearly confused as to why the boy was acting this way. Ignoring Blaine’s protests, Kurt snatched his hand out of Blaine’s grip, turning the doorknob and pulling the door open as quickly as possible so that Blaine couldn’t stop him.

As the door opened, Kurt’s breath stopped, setting his jaw as he narrowed his eyes into a glare.

“What do you want?” he asked, his voice like venom spilling out of his mouth.

“Like I told you last time, I need to talk to you,” Sebastian said evenly, his eyes flittering back and forth between Kurt and the strange brunette standing next to him.

“And I already told you, I don’t want that,” Kurt spat. He took a deep breath as the familiar tightening in his chest began. It pissed him off how quickly Sebastian could bring about an attack for him, but as long as he could control it long enough to get Sebastian away, then he would be fine.

“Kurt,” Sebastian breathed. “Baby – “

“I’m not your fucking baby!” Kurt roared, all concerns about his increasingly rapid breathing put to the side as he took a step towards the boy. “You lost your right to call me that when I caught you with your dick inside of another guy.”

“Which is why we need to talk!” Sebastian said defensively, reaching his hand out to touch Kurt’s arm lightly. Kurt recoiled as if he had been burned.

“No,” Kurt said through gritted teeth. “ _We_ don’t need to do anything anymore,” he snapped, fire flaming within his blue orbs. “The moment you decided that I was no longer enough was the moment you forfeited all rights to do anything with me.”

“Don’t be stupid, Kurt,” Sebastian said, irritation clear in his voice.

Kurt let out a disbelieving laugh, “Don’t be stupid!?” he said, voice rising back up so that he was now shouting at the boy. “Are you fucking serious, Sebastian!? You cheated on me! I’m not the stupid one here, that would be you. Now would you kindly fuck off and stay the hell away from me?”

“Honestly Kurt, we just need to talk,” Sebastian sighed.

“I believe he asked you to leave,” Blaine spoke up from his spot next to Kurt, who had forgotten about his presence. “So, like he said, kindly fuck off,” Blaine spat, his arms reaching out to wrap around Kurt’s waist to tug him backward as he flung the door shut. “Come here,” he breathed soothingly when he felt Kurt’s breathing begin once again to pick up pace. He led Kurt to the couch, sitting him down gently before standing back up and walking back towards the door.

“W-where are you going?” Kurt asked, voice now a soft whimper.

“I’ll be right back, beautiful, just give me a second.” He opened the door and made his way out, jogging down the hallway. “Hey!” he shouted when he spotted Sebastian waiting for the elevator at the end of the hall.

“I’m not doing this,” Sebastian scoffed turning to face the elevator.

“Listen asshole,” Blaine said, grabbing Sebastian’s arm, forcing him to spin around to face him. “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with your stupid ass brain, but you should be ashamed for making someone like him,” he paused as he motioned back towards Kurt’s apartment, “someone who is an absolutely incredible person, feel the way that you have. Kurt’s greatly better off without you, but the next time you decide that you want someone in your life like that, try not to be a douchebag,” Blaine snapped before turning and beginning to walk away.

“That’s it? You came out here to tell me to treat the next guy right?” Sebastian asked, an amused smirk coming across his lips when Blaine turned around.

“That, and to stay the fuck away from Kurt,” Blaine growled, eyes setting in a glare when Sebastian began to laugh.

“Or what? You gonna beat me up?”

“Don’t try it, or you might find out.”

 

 

**…**

 

 

_Breathe, Kurt, breathe,_ Kurt chanted as he let his eyes fall shut, bringing his legs up to his chest as he began to rock himself. He had slowly sunk off of the couch and to the ground where he now sat balled up, his breath coming harshly and rapidly as he tried his hardest to get as much oxygen as possible. _Breathe. Stop being a wuss, take a fucking deep breath, and get over yourself. Nothing bad even happened,_ ” he chastised, annoyed at himself for breaking over such a small thing.

Hearing the door open, he looked towards it to see Blaine make his way into the apartment, concern replacing the anger in his features as his hazel eyes fell upon him. He was quick to slip off his shoes and make his way to Kurt’s rocking figure, plopping down next to him before looking over him in worry.

“What can I do to help?” he asked, which made Kurt grateful. Whenever Rachel had been present for panic attacks, they had been small ones, but still Rachel had jumped into action telling Kurt to breathe, and smothering him, which only caused the attack to worsen.

“J-just be h-here,” Kurt gasped through ragged breaths, eyes snapping shut once again. Blaine bit his lip for a second, contemplating what his next move should be, and after a moment he reached out, taking Kurt’s hand off of where it clutched the side of Kurt’s leg, lacing their fingers together, and bringing their hands to rest on his own lap before softly running his thumb across Kurt’s knuckles.

It took a while for Kurt to stop rocking, and for his breathing to return to a somewhat normal rhythm, but slowly and surely the tension had begun to leave his body. His shoulders dropped and his arm loosened from where it had been wrapped around his legs.

“Thank you,” he breathed after sitting in silence for a short while, lifting his head and letting his eyes meet Blaine’s. Blaine had sat silently, thumb running across Kurt’s knuckles in comfort through the entire attack, noticing that as soon as he had started, Kurt had relaxed the slightest bit.

“Don’t thank me.” Blaine shook his head, his voice a hushed whisper. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You did.” Kurt gave Blaine the faintest of smiles. “You didn’t run away, you stayed.” Kurt told him. “That’s more than anybody else has ever done.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! So, it seems like it’s been an eternity since I posted last, I hope that maybe it felt a little shorter for you guys… I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! This one took me a lot longer to write than I thought it would as I wanted to be careful with it.  
> Once again, a huge thanks to BeautifulUnseen for helping both make this chapter look pretty, and for answering me hundred and one questions while I was writing. She was seriously an angel during this chapter, and I don’t know if I would have finished it if I hadn’t had her there to bounce ideas off of.  
> Hope you all enjoy! Feel free to drop a comment with any questions or suggestions you might have!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said that you all might get another chapter if I finished a chapter this week, and I did after struggling to start writing chapter 11! I am however, very content with how it turned out, and am currently halfway through writing chapter 12, so I'm happy, and happy me wants to give you another chapter! Thanks again to BeautifulUnseen for being an angel and helping me with this chapter!

“Are you okay?” Blaine asked with concern as he picked his book bag up off of the ground, slinging it over his back, and making his way out of his English class.

“You honestly don’t need to check up on me after every class, you know,” Kurt’s voice came through the phone.

Blaine ducked into an empty hallway and leaned against a wall. “I know, I just – you still seemed a little shaken when we talked yesterday, and again when I called this morning,” he explained.

“I’m fine, I promise.” Blaine could hear Kurt smiling as he said the words, which made him sigh in relief.

“I just feel bad that I didn’t stay over the other night, and that we both had to work yesterday so I didn’t get to see you then either,” he confessed, sagging slightly against the wall.

“I’m the one who told you to go,” Kurt reminded him. “You needed sleep, and if you had stayed, you would have spent the entire night fussing over me. We couldn’t have a grumpy, overtired Blaine showing up to class yesterday, now could we?” Kurt teased, making Blaine smile in return.

“Yeah, okay,” he conceded. “But if you need anything – “

“You will be the first person I call,” Kurt finished with a chuckle.

“I can’t believe that they’re making me close tonight,” Blaine grumbled. During his morning shift at the café he had been asked to do a split shift to cover for the person who had been scheduled, meaning he had to come back in that evening to close. He needed the money, so he had begrudgingly agreed, the excitement that he had been carrying around at being able to spend time with Kurt that evening dissipating as he did.

“You’re being a good employee and picking up a shift that would have been impossible to cover,” Kurt stated with another chuckle. “You’ll see me soon enough.”

“I know, and I really could use the extra hours, I just don’t want to go.”

“Just think about it, though. We get to see each other tomorrow evening, no matter what.”

“Ah yes, the Halloween party.” Blaine smiled. “Any chance you’ll disclose the secret of my costume yet, Hummel?”

“Not a chance. But you’ll look great,”  Kurt assured him.

“I better. I’d be a little upset if you made me look like a fool. When should I be over to get ready?” he asked curiously.

“Actually, I had Hannah run your costume over to your apartment this morning. She ended up leaving it with your neighbor who is apparently an adorable lady who gushed about you for a good fifteen minutes.”

“Oh yes, Ella.” Blaine nodded fondly. The older woman had been in the building before Blaine had moved in, and had one day shown up with a batch of cookies as a welcoming gift. The two had gotten to know each other throughout the two years that Blaine had been there, and he occasionally visited her apartment on his free afternoons to learn how to bake different treats. He even had dinner with her and her husband on occasion. “She’s pretty great.”

“So I heard. But yes, she has your costume. You’ll have no trouble putting it on and, in fact, you should know what it is when you see it. I’ll be around to pick you up at around nine tomorrow, if that works?”

“Sounds perfect, Mr. Hummel,” Blaine agreed, smiling.

“Oh, and Blaine?” Kurt asked, his tone changing to one that sounded almost nervous.

“Yes?”

“This is so a date,” he said, making Blaine’s smile widen. “At least if you want it to be. I’d really like it to be, though.”

“That sounds perfect,” Blaine replied, laughing when Kurt let out a sigh of relief. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll message you later okay?”

“Okay,” Kurt agreed happily, both boys hanging up the phone. With that, Blaine made his way to his next class, thoughts now focused on his date with Kurt.

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Hey Ella. I’ve been told you’re harboring something of mine here,” Blaine called as he closed the door behind him and slipping his shoes off to enter the apartment.

“Blaine dear!” Ella exclaimed as he entered the kitchen. “Hold this.” She shoved a carton of buttermilk at Blaine, then resumed rummaging in the fridge. It had become habit for Blaine to let himself into the small apartment without knocking, as Ella had once told him that “it isn’t nice to make an old lady get up to answer the door when you are essentially family and can let your own damn self in.”

“Do you ever stop baking?” he asked, smiling fondly as he looked around at the kitchen, which was strewn with bowls, measuring cups, and spoons.

“Don’t go complaining now, Blainey, otherwise I might have to cut you off from my constant supply of cookies,” she scolded as she grabbed a small box of baking soda and closed the fridge.

“No, no, don’t do that. That’s punishment that no human should have to face.” He shook his head as he set the milk down on the counter top.

“I thought as much,” Ella said as she began adding the milk into her mixture.

“What are we making this time?” he asked as he tried to peer over her shoulder into the bowl, only to have her swat him away and point at a chair that sat next to the small island in the middle of the kitchen. “Fine,” he grumbled as he made his way there, sitting down as told.

“It’s chocolate cake,” she informed him after she finished mixing the contents together.

“Oh my god, it’s gonna be so good,” Blaine said with a happy sigh as he slumped in his chair a little.

“And who said you were going to get any, dear?”

“Ella! You can’t do that do me!” Blaine whined, a pout coming over his lips.

“The cute little brunette that came and dropped off your things said that Kurt’s favorite cake was chocolate. And, since you refuse to let me meet this boy that you won’t stop yapping about, I figured the least I could do to make a good impression is bake him a cake.” Ella grabbed a cake pan, and poured the mixture in to it.

“You’re baking Kurt a cake?” Blaine asked, a smile tugging at his lips. Blaine had been over quite a few times since meeting Kurt, and he had spent hours babbling about him to Ella, who was overjoyed that ‘her boy’ -- as she called Blaine -- had found someone who made him so happy.

“Yeah, well if you aren’t going to woo him so that he decides to become more than friends, then I’ll just have to do it for you.” She popped the cake into the oven then turned to face him with a sly smile.

“Well, Mrs. Sneaky, I’ll have you know that Kurt and I are going on a date tomorrow night.”

“A real one? Not as friends?” Ella asked excitedly, practically bouncing in place.

“Yes, a real one. He just asked me not too long ago, actually.” Blaine told her, grinning at how excited she was for him.

“Well it’s about damn time,” she said, leaning on the opposite side of the island from Blaine. “I’m happy for you, my boy.”

“Thank you. I’m pretty excited myself.” Blaine beamed.

“So I see.” Ella nodded. “Anyways, what is it that the girl dropped off earlier?”

“Hannah,” Blaine told her. “And she dropped off the costume that Kurt made for tomorrow night. We’re going to Vogue’s big party.”

“Ah, can I see it?” she asked, her eyes alight with excitement.

“Sure, go get it.” He laughed when she dashed out of the kitchen, hollering at him to meet her in the living room. He made his way in, smiling when she brought in a garment bag, setting it down gently on the vacant coffee table. “What is it?” she asked excitedly.

“I have no idea, Kurt’s refused to tell me,” Blaine told her as he unzipped the bag, smiling and shaking his head when he spotted the black skinny jeans, leather jacket, black crew neck tee, and Converse box that sat in the bag. There was a yellow sticky note stuck to the jacket that read:

_Blaine, before you get too excited to own so many Kurt Hummel originals, the leather jacket is the only one. I just wanted to make sure it fit you perfectly. The rest of the items are pretty plain and boring, but have nonetheless been pulled out of the good old Vogue Vault, so enjoy! See you soon! –Kurt_

“I don’t get it,” Ella said, brow furrowed, trying to figure out what exactly the costume was supposed to be.

“I’m apparently going as Danny Zuko from Grease, Ella.” He watched as the realization dawned on her.

Ella nodded. “It makes sense. You look the part.”

“Well thanks.” Blaine laughed, zipping the bag back up. “And thanks for keeping this safe for me.”

“I expect to either see you before you leave tomorrow evening, or to at least see some pictures,” Ella told him, voice stern.

“Yes, Ma’am.” He laughed, giving her a mock solute as he picked up the bag. “I should go and study before I head back in to work.”

Ella waved her goodbye. “I’ll bring the cake over when it’s done!”

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Delivery for Mr. Hummel,” Hannah singsonged as she made her way into the office in which Kurt had been trapped all day, taking a break only to answer Blaine’s phone call earlier in the day.

“Delivery?” Kurt frowned in confusion as a plate with a delicious looking piece of cake was set in front of him. “From who? For what?” he asked quizzically, the confusion that had been splayed across his features lifting when the mouthwatering scent of the chocolate cake engulfed the room. “Oh my god, smells so good,” he groaned, looking up to where Hannah was giggling.

“It’s from your boy toy,” she informed him, causing Kurt to roll his eyes at her choice of words. “Well, it’s from Ella, really. Blaine said that she felt the need to woo you since he wasn’t doing a very good job.”

“Consider me wooed.” Kurt smiled as he took the plate, taking a bite. He let out an appreciative groan and slouched in his chair. “So good,” he mumbled happily as he took another bite. “Hold up. ‘Blaine said…’ Does that mean he’s here?” Kurt asked hopefully, straightening up in his chair in excitement.

“Down boy,” Hannah teased. “No, he wanted to see you but I told him that he needed to wait.” Kurt huffed his disappointment. “You’ll be thanking me later when you hand in the November issue on time. Speaking of, how goes it?”

“Not bad, actually.” Kurt shrugged, balancing his plate in one hand and reaching out with the other to scroll through the outline of the issue that was up on his computer. “If I stay late enough tonight and come in at a decent time in the morning, I should have it done before lunch tomorrow.”

“Good, because Isabelle is expecting you to head down to the hall to check over everything for the party at around one tomorrow.”

“Of course, because she can’t handle it by herself.” Kurt sighed, rolling his eyes.

“No, because if she doesn’t get your approval, we’ll all have to hear you bitch about how much better you could have arranged things,” Hannah told him, giving him a pointed look.

“Yeah, okay, point taken.” Kurt chuckled.

“You have your costume all worked out, already, right?”

“Of course, I just have to go grab a couple things out of the vault before I leave tonight,” Kurt informed her, diving into his cake again. “I believe everything else is set for tomorrow, though. I haven’t received any panicked texts or calls from Isabelle yet, which is good.”

“Or bad. Radio silence might not be the greatest thing,” Hannah teased, laughing when Kurt’s eyes widened in horror. “I’m just kidding, Isabelle called me not too long ago to tell you that everything is running smoothly.” She began to head back out of the office.

“You’re a terrible person, you know!” he called after her.

“Oh, whatever, Hummel, you love me!” she retorted back before shutting the door behind her, leaving Kurt to continue his work.

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Hey, you.” Kurt smiled as he walked into the apartment, dropping his bag and sliding his shoes off. He made his way over to the brunette on the couch, plopping down to curl into her side.

“You look exhausted.” Rachel leaned her head on top of Kurt’s, which rested on her shoulder.

“I am,” he agreed, looking up at the TV screen, laughing when he realized what she was watching.

Rachel Shrugged as Summer Nights began to play on the screen. “Blaine’s costume made me want to re-watch it.”

“Hey, I’ll never say no to watching Grease.” Kurt put his feet up on the coffee table.  “You’re coming tomorrow, right?” 

“Like I’d miss Vogue’s infamous Halloween party,” Rachel scoffed before smiling down at the sleepy boy next to her whose eyes were slowly closing. “You should go to bed.”

“Don’t wanna,” he mumbled, snuggling closer. It was amazing how much their friendship had changed over the years. They had absolutely hated each other for the first year of glee club, but after realizing that they were more alike than they cared to admit, they had slowly become friends, and soon enough, they were inseparable. Rachel had been an A-class bitch throughout high school and could definitely still be one from time to time. She, however, had a soft spot for Kurt, and the closer they became, the more she let the tough girl act drop and became the caring person that she now was around him. “I never get to see you anymore, I kind of miss my best friend.”

“Well if you would stop spending all of your time with a certain curly haired boy, then maybe you would get to see me more often,” she teased, shifting so that his head rested in her lap. Her fingers idly played with his chestnut hair – something that he only let her do when he was too tired to fight back.

Kurt frowned, despite how relaxed he felt. “I don’t spend all of my time with him.”

“Oh sweetie, I’m just bugging you.” Rachel lifted her hand from his hair to grab the remote and turn the volume down.  He let out a sound of disappointment. “He’s good for you really,” she noted as she brought her hand back to his hair, earning a sound that oddly resembled a purr.

“He’s pretty great,” Kurt agreed, letting his eyes flutter open. “He’s almost too perfect to be real, you know?” he asked, earning a frown from Rachel. “Like, everything he does is absolutely amazing. He doesn’t seem to ever do anything wrong. Every time we’ve had a little bump, it’s been because I’m stupidly guarded and irrational, but never because he had done something wrong.”

“Well, perfect or not, he’s very real.” Rachel’s smile faltered when she spotted _the look_ in his eyes. The look that he got anytime he was doubting something, or thinking about all of the terrible possibilities of something. The look he got when he felt the need to run away out of fear of being hurt. “Hey. No. Stop that.”

“I – I can’t help it,” he sighed, frustrated with himself. Why couldn’t he ever avoid letting himself think like this?

“You can. Blaine is a great guy, but just because everything is going well now doesn’t mean that it can’t stay that way. Not everything that is good has to be ruined, and not all guys are complete monsters. Not everything may be perfect between you two at all times, but that doesn’t mean that Blaine is like the other guys in your past. He’s been so sincere with you, not pushing you for more than a friendship and being there when you’ve asked him to be, not many of the others have done that.”

Kurt nodded. “Fair point. I just don’t want to get burned again.”

“But Blaine knows about the last time, right? About Sebastian?” she asked, watching as Kurt nodded instantly. “Exactly. He knows that you’ve been hurt, and he’s been so cautious because of it. I don’t believe for a minute that he would go ahead and hurt you, knowing what he knows. Kurt, that boy looks at you like you hung the moon and stars, I can’t see him ever wanting to do anything to hurt you, especially because hurting you might actually kill the poor boy.”

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s just hard, you know?” he asked, wedging his lip between his teeth.

“I know, but at least try to get past the fear, okay? Give him a chance.”

“I am giving him a chance,”  Kurt stated matter-of-factly.

“At being friends, yes. I mean give him a _real_ chance. Let go and see if things could become more. Let yourself live a little. It’s okay to be weary of getting hurt, but don’t stop that fear from letting you experience love again, Kurt. Especially not when there’s an absolutely amazing guy who wants nothing more than to have a chance to do the same with you.”

“When did you become so wise?” Kurt asked, opening one eye to look at her.

“Hm, I’d like to think I’ve always been this smart,” she replied, eliciting a ripple of laughter from Kurt. “What?”

“You’re hilarious,” Kurt stated simply.  She playfully swatted his chest. “But honestly, thank you, Rach. I needed somebody to lay that all out in front of me.”

“Anytime, sweetie.”

“You’re kind of amazing, you know?” he asked, smiling when she nodded. “Don’t ever change, Rachel Berry. Don’t ever change.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is most definitely 1am for me right now, but Monday non-the less! I almost waited until Tuesday to post this chapter considering it is Halloween in the story, but that would have been mean to make you all wait. Tuesday is also my birthday (yes on Halloween), and so this chapter is my early gift to you guys!  
> A huge thank you to BeautifulUnseen for making my words look all pretty as usual… this fic might look like a mess if it weren’t for her. You all should go check out her newest story Strangers in Love, it’s absolutely amazing!  
> Without further ado, here’s chapter 10,  
> -B

“I – I… you, wow,” Blaine stuttered as his eyes flicked up to the ocean blue ones staring back at him that were surrounded by a dark line of eyeliner. _Eyeliner_! Kurt was wearing eyeliner, and god was it hot.

“Thanks.” Kurt’s cheeks flushed a deep red, feeling a thrill of excitement as he averted his gaze from Blaine’s in embarrassment.

“I’m serious. You look…incredible,” Blaine breathed. He let his eyes travel Kurt’s body, over the leather vest that hugged Kurt’s torso perfectly, down to Kurt’s gloriously tight black skinny jeans, and finally to his worn combat boots. The entire outfit fit him incredibly well, and the few leather bracelets that where strung on Kurt’s wrists tied it together completely. The outfit itself was completely unlike Kurt with its punk rock aspects, but in a way, it suited him completely.

“It was Isabelle’s idea,” Kurt shrugged and suddenly it made sense to Blaine. Kurt most likely would have chosen something completely different himself, but Isabelle Wright seemed to have a knack for picking things out for Kurt that he wouldn’t typically pick for himself, and they always looked flawless on him. “You look pretty great yourself, Mr. Zuko.”

Blaine looked down at his own outfit. “Well thank you. You picked well.”

“I did. I knew that you’d make the perfect Danny.” Kurt nodded approvingly, meeting Blaine’s eyes once more. “Shall we?” he asked, holding his hand out for the boy to take.

“You just destroyed that punk rocker image,” Blaine stated in mock disappointment.  He moved to take Kurt’s hand, but frowned when Kurt quickly retracted it.

“Fine then,” he scoffed, gently grabbing Blaine’s forearm, pulling him forward.  Kurt moved to his side, slinging his arm around Blaine’s waist as he began to walk. “Let’s go, babe,” he drawled, smiling when Blaine chuckled in response.

“I mean, we’re getting closer I guess,” Blaine teased, stopping abruptly in front of a door. He turned to give Kurt – who was now frowning in confusion – a soft smile. “Ella wants to meet you. She’s dying to see us in our costumes.” He opened the door to his neighbor’s apartment.  “Hey, El, you best get over here if you want to meet Kurt!” he called. A happy shriek rang through the room, followed by the sound of Ella scurrying down the hallway.

“He’s here?!” she asked excitedly when she spotted Blaine, which made Kurt giggle at her excitement.

“He is. Now please don’t embarrass me,” Blaine said, giving her a pointed look.

“I would never!” Ella placed a hand over her heart.

“Yeah, okay,” Blaine scoffed, trying his best to suppress an eye roll, but failing when Ella chuckled. “Alright, Ella this is Kurt, Kurt, this mischievous one is Ella.” Blaine introduced them, then stepped to the side so that they both could see each other properly.

Ella flung her arms around Kurt, who was quick to reciprocate the action, laughter bubbling out of him as he did. “Kurt!” Ella screeched, “It’s so nice to put a face to the name.”

“Well, I don’t usually look like this,” Kurt joked as the two pulled out of their embrace. “It’s nice to meet you as well. Your chocolate cake was absolutely amazing, by the way. I was absolutely wooed.”

“Well good! This one has been doing a terrible job trying to win you over so far, somebody had to kick it up a notch.”

Kurt huffed out a laugh, turning to face Blain who had his lips pursed in a pout. “I wouldn’t say a terrible job,” Kurt shrugged, turning back to Ella. “But chocolate cake always helps.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” Ella nodded in satisfaction. “I’ll make sure that I teach Blaine how to make it so that if you both ever get into a serious argument he can – “

“Alright, and we’ll be leaving now,” Blaine cut in, slipping in between the two and taking Kurt’s hand, tugging him towards the staircase.

“Oh, you always ruin the fun,” Ella huffed in annoyance. She sent a wave to Kurt, who reciprocated.

“Goodbye Ella, I love you too,” Blaine responded, turning to smirk at the woman before leading Kurt down the stairs and out of the apartment building.

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Oh my god,” Blaine breathed as they walked into the large, extravagantly decorated room. They had spent a short amount of time on the red carpet, Blaine standing idly next to the cameras as Kurt posed for various pictures alone before pulling Blaine over to take a few together. Blaine had protested, but Kurt had ignored him, telling him that he had to show off his hot arm candy somehow. Now they were finally past the paparazzi and entering the ballroom in which the party was being held. The room was packed both with people from the company as well as various celebrities that had worked with Vogue and a various assortment of other people.

“Kurt, this is amazing,” Blaine shouted over the deep bass of the music. His eyes wandered from the decorations to the masses of bodies to the tables of food sitting on the opposite side of the room in wonder.

“Well thank you, but honestly, Isabelle and her crew deserve most of the credit. I wouldn’t have been able to pull this off it had just been me.”

“Well nonetheless, it’s amazing.” Blaine returned his gaze to the best sight of all - the boy who stood next to him. Kurt’s eyes flittered around the room as well, smiling at the way everything had pulled itself together.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to some people,” Kurt said, taking Blaine’s hand to pulling him through the masses toward some familiar people. A smile graced his lips when he spotted Isabelle, Hannah, James, and a few other people that he knew standing in a circle with drinks in their hands, chatting.

“Kurt, finally!” Isabelle smiled upon spotting the boy, arms opening as he approached and gave her a hug.

“Everything looks absolutely incredible!” he praised, motioning to the decorations. “It looked great earlier, but it’s even better now.”

“I know,” Isabelle said smugly, laughing when Kurt rolled his eyes in amusement.

“You both did a great job,” James spoke up, holding a hand out for Kurt to shake. “I sent off the final copy of the November issue to publishing about an hour ago. Kurt, you did fantastic.”

“Thank you, James. I’m glad everything seemed to pull together.” A small squeeze on his hand pulled his attention to a patient Blaine standing next to him, a smile firm on his face as he watched Kurt interact with his co-workers. “Oh right, everybody this is Blaine Anderson, Blaine this is Isabelle, you know Hannah, and that is James.” Kurt introduced, smiling as Blaine shook James’ hand before being tugged into a hug by Isabelle.

“It’s so good to meet you,” Isabelle squealed. “Kurt doesn’t shut up about you!”

“Oh god,” Kurt groaned as Blaine chuckled while he pulled out of Isabelle’s embrace. He gave Kurt’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“That’s alright, apparently I don’t shut up about him either, so we’re even.”

“It’s fairly normal to constantly talk about a new boyfriend, is it not?” James asked joining the conversation.

“Oh, we’re not – “

“I think so,” Kurt nodded, cutting Blaine off. “This one’s pretty great though, so fair warning, I don’t plan on shutting up anytime soon.” A laugh escaping his lips at the shocked look that both Isabelle and Hannah were giving him.

“Anyway, you two should go make the rounds, and dance,” James said as he motioned for both boys to take off and enjoy the evening with each other.

“See you all on Thursday.” Kurt waved, then pulled Blaine away from the group. “You want to dance?” he asked, frowning and turning to face the other boy when there was no answer. “Blaine?” Kurt tilted his head in concern when Blaine opened his mouth to say something but instead shook his head and closed it. “Blaine, are you okay?”

“Mhmm,” Blaine mumbled, looking around the room for an exit. Spotting one, he tightened his grip on Kurt’s hand and led him towards the exit. Had Kurt honestly just admitted to them being boyfriends? It’s not that Blaine didn’t want that, but he knew that a conversation needed to happen before that decision was fully in place, especially with his knowledge of Kurt’s past. Shoving the door open they both stepped out into the cold night air.

“What’s going on?” Kurt asked, voice rushed in panic. “Blaine?”

“You – we, uh, James said – “

“Oh god, it was too much too soon wasn’t it?” Kurt asked when he caught on to what Blaine was getting at. “Look, I know that –“

 Blaine held up a hand, effectively cutting off Kurt. The initial panic he felt had subsided, leaving only excitement at Kurt’s words and curiosity at his reasoning in its wake. A small smile twitched at Blaine’s lips, enjoying just how adorable Kurt was when he rambled on like that. “Are _you_ gonna babble now?” he joked.

“Maybe a little, but I need to say this,” Kurt said, taking a deep breath and shutting his eyes as he tried to gather up as much courage as he could. “When we met, you had such a magnetic quality to you, and I panicked and ran away out of fear of getting too close to you. You know my background, you know that anytime I’ve gotten even remotely close to someone it’s been thrown back in my face, and so now I do my best to prevent that from happening.” Kurt took another deep breath, opening his eyes to look into Blaine’s hazel ones. “But with you it’s different. You keep pulling me back. I agreed to be friends because, for some reason unknown to me, I couldn’t let you go completely. I told you that I like you, and I really do, and for some reason I continued to let myself get reeled in, and now… now I can’t pull back. I don’t want to pull back,” Kurt told him, sincerity bright in his eyes. “I don’t want to let go, or move away from your magnetism. The opposite, really. I just want to continue to be pulled closer, and honestly? It’s scary. But somehow you make it feel so safe at the same time. I feel safe with you, and it is for that reason that –“ Kurt let a smile fall over his lips. “Would you, Blaine Anderson, do me the incredible honor of letting me call your gorgeous self my boyfriend?”

The question was out there, as ocean blue eyes stared into golden hazel ones. Both boys had mulled the idea of being together over in their minds, but had banned themselves from acting on such thoughts out of fear that the other felt differently. And now they stood, the forbidden words hanging in the space between.

Thinking back, Kurt realized he had come to the conclusion that he wanted Blaine in every way possible around the time that Blaine had sat silently by his side, hand clenching his own, as Kurt fought to bring himself up from the bottom of a panic attack. Blaine had been absolutely perfect in that moment, asking Kurt what he needed instead of deciding for him, and then doing exactly as asked, sitting with him so that he was simply there. Kurt had tried multiple times to let Blaine know of his feelings, but each time hesitated, his insecurities getting the best of him, causing him to stay silent. In this moment, however, he knew that he could no longer stop himself from acting on his feelings.

“You want me to be your boyfriend?” Blaine asked, voice laced with emotion, eyes twinkling with a mixture of excitement, confusion, and concern.

“I do. I really do.” Kurt nodded, squeezing Blaine’s hand as if to reassure him.

“But Kurt, what about everything you talked about?” Blaine asked. “About the fear, and everything that happened in the past. I don’t want you to make this decision if you aren’t one hundred percent sure.”

“I am,” Kurt told him, confidence clear in his tone. “Look, my past, all of the people who have hurt me, well – they aren’t you. You’re so different from all of them. Nobody else has ever made me feel safe, and yet you just have to look at me, and I can psychically feel a calm wash over me. You’re so special, Blaine, and I would be the world’s biggest idiot to let you slip past me.”

“You really want to be boyfriends?” Blaine asked again, as if he couldn’t believe the words that he was hearing. He had always known that there was something more developing between them, and he had welcomed it, but now that the words were out there, knowing what he did about Kurt’s past, he was wary to accept the idea. He wanted nothing more than to jump into this relationship, but at the same time, he didn’t want to rush something that Kurt was possible not quite ready for.

“I do. I want to be able to walk into a room and introduce the gorgeous man on my arm as Blaine Anderson, my boyfriend. Only if that is something that you’d want as well.”

“Kurt,” Blaine began, panicking slightly when a flash of hurt came across Kurt’s features. “No, no, I’m not saying no, I just need to… understand, I guess?” Blaine explained, watching as at least some of the pain in Kurt’s eyes dissipated. “I understand that you’ve decided that I’m different than the guys in your past, and I am. Or at least I hope that I am. There’s nothing that I want less than to hurt you, and I hope that you know that, but what if you’re not fully ready to take on a relationship, Kurt?” Blaine asked, letting his eyes fall to the ground in between them. It wasn’t that he doubted that they could work, quite frankly he believed that they could be epic, but he knew that Kurt had some healing to do. “You’ve been through a lot, and I’m astounded at how you’ve managed to let me in, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some wounds that still need to be healed. I don’t want to stand in the way of that.” He inhaled sharply, hoping that Kurt would understand where he was coming from. “I want you to be able to focus on _you_ , and building yourself back up. And I know it’s not going to be easy - because it won’t - and it’s not that I don’t want to be here while you do - because I want nothing more - but I don’t want to distract you from it.”

“I was worried about that at first, too,” Kurt admitted, reaching out and taking Blaine’s chin in his hand in order to tilt his head up so that his eyes met Kurt’s. “But, believe it or not, one Miss Rachel Berry pointed out to me that it’s okay to be wary of getting hurt, but that I shouldn’t let the fear stop me from loving again. She’s right. I’ve been simply existing with a cloud of fear around myself. But you...you make me want to cast all caution to the wind and just…well, be alive.” A soft smile graced his lips, eyes shining in the sincerity that he was trying so hard to portray through his words. “I don’t want to just exist anymore, I want to be alive again, Blaine. Really truly alive, and you, without either of us even realizing it, have helped me start towards that. You’re right, it’s not going to be easy, especially with my anxiety and all, but I want to try and get there, and I want to do that with you by my side. I want to breathe again,” Kurt said, letting his hand fall from Blaine’s chin to entangle with the other boy’s. “Help me breathe again, Blaine.”

“Are you sure though?” Blaine breathed, eyes searching Kurt’s for any indication that he might not be one hundred percent sure about his decision. 

“More sure than I have been about anything in a long time. Blaine, I want you to be in my life, as more than just a friend helping out another friend. You’ve been amazing so far, and I like you a lot more than I had thought I would, and I want that to continue. I want you to be by my side throughout everything that is to come, but more than anything I want us to have a chance for our feelings to grow as we do without being carful of pushing this ‘friend boundary’ that we’ve set for ourselves,” Kurt said, a grin forming on his face as he spoke. “Plus I’d really like to have the ability to kiss you whenever and wherever I want to.”

“I – Kurt,” Blaine said, sounding almost out of breath. He wanted to dance around like a twelve-year-old, scream to the world that _the_ Kurt Hummel wanted to be his boyfriend, and pull Kurt in and kiss him until he no longer could remember his own name, but his body seemed to have a different idea as he stood completely still, eyes open in shock. “I’d like that,” he answered finally, unable to get control of his own body and move or say anything else. The idea that Kurt had spent time deliberating weather or not Blaine was worth it touched him. It was far too soon to believe that they were in love with each other, but as Kurt spoke, Blaine couldn’t help but believe that he could definitely fall in love with the blue eyed boy standing in front of him, and that he may in fact already be headed down that pathway.

“Is that a yes, then?” Kurt teased, smile widening when Blaine threw his head back in laughter. “Does that mean that I can kiss my boyfriend now?”

Blaine nodded, placing his unoccupied hand on Kurt’s hip to pull him forward, their lips meeting softly as Kurt dropped Blaine’s hand and wrapped both arms around Blaine’s neck.

Kurt had finally come to realize that he was absolutely, wonderfully, unable to resist Blaine Anderson.

He was absolutely, wonderfully okay with that.

 

 

**…**

“Rachel!” Kurt shouted across the room, causing the brunette to turn around. Her smile illuminated the room upon spotting her best friend who was clutching Blaine’s hand.

“I found you!” she said as she made her way over to the pair, dragging Brody along behind her. Rachel had met Brody in one of her classes, and although she had shut down the idea of the two dating, they seemed to be friends, and therefore she had found a way to rope him into being her plus one for the evening.

“You look beautiful,” Blaine spoke up, pulling the girl into a hug.

“Thank you,” Rachel smiled a bit wider before pulling away to spin around for the pair.

“A perfect Dorothy,” Kurt agreed, looking over his best friend’s costume. And it was true, Rachel did make the perfect Dorothy in her lookalike dress (no doubt gathered from a Broadway set), red glittery shoes, and hair placed perfectly in two neat braids.

“Brody’s the scarecrow!” Rachel trilled in excitement, motioning towards the boy standing next to her, who looked far less impressed with his costume.

“So he is,” Kurt said through a laugh, snapping his mouth shut when Brody sent him a glare. “Sorry, but honestly, how did you let her rope you into this one?”

“She gave me that look,” Brody grumbled, eliciting a laugh from Blaine, and a knowing hum from Kurt.

“’The look’ is pretty powerful,” Kurt agreed, giving Brody a sympathetic look. “How about we find you both a drink, maybe that would help?”

“Please!” Brody nodded enthusiastically, eyes flicking around the room in search of the bar.

“This way,” Kurt said, nodding towards the bar that sat not too far from where they were standing. “Rach, you want your usual?” he asked, watching the brunette nod before looking towards Blaine. “What can I get for you, boy –“ he began but stopped himself when he heard Rachel gasp. “-Blaine,” he finished, trying to avoid looking towards Rachel.

“Surprise me,” Blaine said, smirking at the way Kurt was beginning to back away, clearly avoiding talking to Rachel about his slip up. Kurt nodded quickly before heading toward the bar with Brody in tow, leaving Blaine to deal with an over exuberant Rachel.

“Did he just –“

“He did,” Blaine cut Rachel off, grinning proudly at the girl who squealed and flung her arms around Blaine.

“When? How? What?!” Rachel sputtered, pulling back from Blaine, putting her hands on the boy’s shoulders and shaking him slightly. “Tell me!”

“About twenty minutes ago,” Blaine informed her. “And that is all of the information that I care to disclose at this moment.”

“You’re no fun,” Rachel sighed dramatically, feigning disappointment, before letting a smile appear on her lips once again. “I’m happy that he finally worked up the courage.”

“Me too,” Blaine agreed, turning his attention to his boyfriend, who was chatting with Brody as they waited for their drinks to be made. When Kurt caught his eye, he winked before returning his attention back to Brody. “Me too.”

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Hey, guess what,” Kurt said from where his head rested against Blaine’s shoulder.  The two were swaying back and forth to the slow beat of the song that played throughout the room.

“Hmm?” Blaine hummed. He pressed a kiss into Kurt’s hair before resting his cheek against Kurt’s head.

“Blaine Anderson is my boyfriend,” Kurt stated simply, causing Blaine to chuckle and shake his head.

“You are overly thrilled with that sentence,” he said, amused.

“Because it’s a beautiful sentence,” Kurt told him as he leaned forward to press a kiss to Blaine’s neck. “It took me much too long to pull my head out of my ass and accept that there was no getting rid of you. Not that I’d want to even if I could.”

Blaine huffed out another laugh, moving his hands from Kurt’s hips to link over the small of Kurt’s back, pulling him impossibly closer. “I’m glad that you plan to keep me around for a while.”

“Me too,” Kurt teased. “I don’t think I’ll get bored too soon,” he added, shrieking softly when Blaine moved a hand from Kurt’s back to pinch his side lightly. “Kidding!”

“Sure, you were,” Blaine said, trying his best to sound upset, but failing. He hummed in happiness as Kurt pressed another kiss to the side of his neck before lifting his head to look at him.

“Honestly, though, I’m sorry I’ve taken this long to get myself straightened out.”

“Hey, don’t apologize. You got there eventually, and that’s what matters, right?” Blaine asked.

 “Right,” Kurt said softly, bringing a hand up to cup Blaine’s cheek, smiling softly when Blaine leaned into the touch. “Guess what?” he asked again, excitement trilling through his voice.

“Kurt Hummel’s my boyfriend,” Blaine finished, grinning when Kurt’s eyes lit up at the statement.

“Oh my god, that sounds so much better than my statement,” Kurt beamed, voice light and breathy.

“Hm, I don’t know, I quite like hearing you burst out in excitement, letting anybody within a few feet know that Blaine Anderson is your boyfriend.”

Kurt smiled, moving to rest his head back on Blaine’s shoulder, dropping his hand to rest on Blaine’s chest.  “I take it back, I like both statements, as long as it’s you who is saying them.”

“Well, then guess what?” Blaine began, smiling when Kurt mumbled a knowing “What?” into Blaine’s neck. “Kurt Hummel’s my boyfriend.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay it’s Monday again!! Guys, I don’t know what else to say except thank you! We’re already on chapter 11, and I’m so happy to have you all along on this ride with me. Thank you all for your sweet words, and your reviews, they mean the world to me!   
> The next few chapters are going to be a little heavy, and there will be a lot going on for both of the boys... so just forewarning, there is a lot of emotion coming up, but I’m excited as to where the storyline is going so far, so I hope you all like it!   
> Disclaimer, since I haven’t put this on my chapters yet, but in case you all weren’t aware, and just to give credit where credit is due, I do not own Glee or the characters in the story in which are related to glee, that is all Ryan Murphy and his wonderful team!   
> Also, one last thing! As always… thank you to the wonderful BeautifulUnseen for her continued support of the story, and for going over everything and making sure that my mess looks pretty for all of you!   
> Enough babbling, here’s chapter 11!

_Blaine’s eyes snap shut as the yelling that originates from down the stairs floats through his bedroom door, getting louder as the fight continues to rage. He didn’t think that it would be this way, yet here he sits, head in his hands as his parents shout back and forth. He was sure that everything would be okay; after all, his mom had been supportive when he told her. She had given him a hug before reassuring him that he was still her baby, and nothing could ever make her love for him disappear. He wonders if that might be a lie at this point… if she might decide that supporting him and loving him might be too difficult of a task and that he isn’t worth it._

_“He’s still your son, Andrew!” Blaine hears his mother scream, her voice a mixture of hurt and complete disbelief._

_“That boy — whoever he is — is definitely not my son. I didn’t raise my son to be a –”_

_His mother’s sharp intake of breath is audible, making it clear to him that they have now moved from the kitchen to the living room, which sits in front of the stairs._

_“A what, Andrew!? What exactly is he?” she is no longer shouting. Instead, her tone is flat and icy._

_Blaine gets up from his bed, opening his door and slipping out of his room. As he makes his way to the stairs he can see the outline of his mom standing next to the entrance of the living room. She looks tense, arms crossed as she waits for his father to answer the question._

_“A faggot,” his father spits, and this time it’s Blaine who sucks in a sharp breath, the words traveling from his father’s lips directly to his beating heart, which stutters at the words._

_“How could you?” his mother shoots back, her tone seemingly icier than before. “How could you do that to him? You’ve watched him grow, learn, and become the wonderful human that he is. How could you turn on him for something like this?”_

_His father had known that Blaine was gay for almost a year already, but he had deemed it a phase that would pass over, and that he would be content once it had. This evening however, had changed things completely._

_His parents were supposed to have been attending some gala of sorts for a foundation. He had figured that he was safe in the house until at least midnight before they came home, but he had been proven wrong as they made their way into the house around seven that evening. Blaine had been slightly occupied when they slipped into the house, so he hadn’t heard them come in or make their way up the stairs. They definitely hadn’t been expecting to find him in his room, half naked, with another boy sprawled out beneath him, also missing quite a few layers of clothing._

_His father had lost it the second his eyes had landed on the poor boy that was laying on Blaine’s bed, eyes wide upon spotting Blaine’s parents in the doorway. Skip ahead forty-five minutes and one embarrassing goodbye, and here he sat as his parents battled back and forth over him._

_“I told you, he’s not the boy that I raised. I have no idea who that boy up there is, and to be frank, I don’t want to know,” his father spits before moving past his mom, making his way to the front door, shrugging on his coat._

_“Andrew,” his mother huffs, turning to face him. It makes the boy cringe from his hiding spot by the stairs to see the hurt, betrayal and fear in his mother’s eyes as she watches his father shake his head and angrily shove his shoes on. “Please don’t do this. He needs you,” she breathes, voice turning to a whisper as she blinks back tears that threaten to fall down her cheeks. “He needs his father.”_

_Blaine expects his father to snap at her, or to give in and take his shoes off, but instead he shakes his head and makes his way out of the house, leaving his mother to let lose the tears she had been holding back._

_She stands for what seems like hours before looking up the stairs towards where Blaine’s bedroom lies, her eyes meeting his when he steps further towards the stairs, into her vision. He can see the apologies start to flood her eyes, as if it was her fault that his father was unable to either get past all of this or to promise to try and understand. He knows it’s not, and so he does not blame her in the slightest._

_“Blaine,” she breathes out as if she is about to translate the unspoken apologies into words, but stops when he shakes his head._

_“Don’t. Don’t make excuses for him.” And for the first time that evening, he feels the tears course down his cheeks, as the realization dawns on him. His father doesn’t love him, not now that he knows who he really is._

It started with a twitch. A small twitch that Kurt ignored in favor of drifting back into the blissfulness of sleep. However, one twitch turned into two, two into four, four into ten. He sat up suddenly, frantically searching the dark room for the source of the sharp movement. His hand roamed the bed and the puzzle pieces fell into place. He reached out to turn on the bedside lamp, the light casting the room in a soft glow. He then turned to look at the other side of the bed, his forehead creasing in concern as he spotted the boy next to him who was trembling slightly, tears falling down his cheeks, face strung up in a frown.

“Blaine,” he said softly, reaching his hand out to rub along Blaine’s arm, hoping that the motion would wake the other boy up. A small, pained whimper made its way out of Blaine’s mouth and Kurt frowned worriedly. They had been together for nearly three weeks, and in the few sleepovers that they had shared, Blaine had woken Kurt up in the middle of the night multiple times due to nightmares. “Blaine, hey, wake up,” Kurt repeated, this time lightly shaking the boy, sighing with relief as his hazel eyes shot open. “Hey, you’re okay,” Kurt whispered, moving his hand from Blaine’s arm to run it through Blaine’s curls.

“Kurt?” Blaine croaked out, voice raw.

“I’m here,” Kurt confirmed, reaching out with his free hand, taking Blaine’s and intertwining their fingers. “I’m here,” he reassured, giving Blaine’s hand a soft squeeze as he moved on the bed so that he was sitting facing Blaine. Blaine nodded, shutting his eyes once again as he took a deep breath. “Are you okay?” Kurt asked after a moment of silence.

Blaine let his eyes flutter back open, fixing his gaze on the ceiling above him. “I’m fine,” he mumbled, causing Kurt to frown once again.

“You’re not.” Kurt moved his hand from Blaine’s hair to wipe over his tear stained cheeks, hoping that unlike the few other times that Kurt had tried to talk to him after the nightmares, he would actually answer this time. “What was the dream about?”

“My dad,” Blaine admitted, letting his gaze fall to meet Kurt’s. Blaine never talked about his family, and Kurt had accepted that. He knew that Blaine was convinced that his mother hung the sun in the sky and he adored her with everything in him. He knew that his parents were close to getting a divorce, but had decided to work through it, although Blaine had never told him the reasons why they had considered it in the first place. He also knew that Blaine and his father’s relationship was near non-existent. Other than those three basic facts, Kurt knew nothing else. He had tried to fish for information in the first week of their relationship, but each time that he had, Blaine had gotten a pained look, so Kurt let it go figuring that Blaine would share when he felt ready.  “It’s nothing, honestly. I’m okay.”

Kurt wedged his lip between his teeth, nodding. “If you want to talk about it, any time, I’m here.”

“I know,” Blaine said, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. “Thank you.” He let go of Kurt’s hand to grab the hem of his shirt, tugging on it and stretching his arm out for Kurt to cuddle in to, which he did willingly.

“You think you’re okay to go back to sleep for a bit? We still have a couple hours before your alarm for class goes off.”

“I’m good,” Blaine nodded, placing a kiss to Kurt’s forehead before shuffling to pull him closer into his body, smiling when Kurt hooked a leg over his own.

Kurt smiled, closing his eyes as he listened to Blaine’s steady heartbeat pounding beneath where his head rested on Blaine’s chest. He knew that Blaine needed to talk to somebody about what might be causing his nightmares, but he also knew that pushing him to do it wouldn’t help either of them, and so for now he pushed the worry filled thoughts aside, and focused on Blaine’s heartbeat and his breathing that was now evening out as Blaine drifted back off to sleep.

 

 

**…**

 

 

“…He won’t tell me what they’re about though, and that’s what bothers me most,” Kurt sighed as he moved to pick up the coffee cup that was sitting in front of him on the table. “I mean, I understand him not wanting to talk about it…I do. God knows it took forever before I took my head out of my ass and let him know what was going on with myself, so I understand that part. I just hate that I can’t help him at all, because I don’t know what I’m trying to help him with,” he finished, sighing once again in frustration before taking a sip of his drink, his eyes drifting across the table, waiting for a reaction from the woman sitting opposite him.

“He’s a stubborn one, that’s for sure,” Ella agreed, reaching out her hand to catch Kurt’s, squeezing it gently in sympathy. Over the time that he and Blaine had been dating, Ella had taken a special liking to Kurt, inviting him over often for coffee or her latest baking creation. They usually sat and chatted for a while, and Kurt was happy to have someone that he genuinely enjoyed spending time with. Not to mention that Ella had started to become a mother figure in his life, even in the short period of time that they had known each other. “He’ll let you in at some point though, that boy can’t keep anything from you.”

“I guess,” Kurt resigned, shoulders slumping as he set his mug down on the table. “You totally know what this is all about, don’t you?” he asked suddenly as the thought hit him. Ella had to know what was going on, because when he had told her upon his arrival that Blaine was still in the apartment catching up on the sleep he had missed due to nightmares, she hadn’t looked shocked in the least.

“I –“ Ella began, eyes flicking around the room as she tried her best to avoid Kurt’s gaze.

“You do!” Kurt accused, eyes widening. “Ella!”

“I can’t tell you!” Ella screeched as she looked back at the boy, her expression sympathetic. “It’s not my place. It’s Blaine’s story to tell, and I’m sure he will open up soon enough.”

“Ugh, you suck at gossiping.” Kurt rolled his eyes in mock annoyance.

“No dear, I think that we both know that I am the queen of gossiping, I’m just very good at keeping secrets.” Ella shrugged, not the least bit sorry that she hadn’t revealed anything to Kurt. 

Kurt scoffed, sending her a glare before taking another sip of his drink. “Fine,” he grumbled finally.

“How’s Vogue been, dear?” Ella asked, hoping to lighten Kurt’s mood.

Kurt lifted his shoulder in a slight shrug. “Not awful. Better than I thought it would be considering we’re two weeks away from publishing the December issue.”

“Ah yes, it sounds like this month’s issue is a little less hectic than last month’s was.” Ella settled back into her chair before beginning to nibble on a cookie. “Last month’s issue was absolutely phenomenal, by the way.” 

Kurt quirked a questioning eyebrow up at the woman, tilting his head in curiosity. “You read last month’s issue?”

“I bought it,” Ella nodded proudly. “I’ve got to have a copy so that I can brag about how my boy is the assistant chief editor,” she stated simply, causing Kurt to grin. They had only known each other for a few weeks, and yet Ella considered him ‘her boy,’ which sparked excitement inside of Kurt at the idea of having someone around that loved him in a ‘parent’ kind of way. It wasn’t that his dad was bad. The exact opposite, really. Burt Hummel was the greatest father a boy could ask for, and was constantly letting Kurt know just how proud he was of his son. Although he hadn’t properly talked to him recently – he made a mental note to call him later on that day – his father often would shoot him a text letting him know that a certain article in Vogue really stood out to him, or that he liked the design choices for the cover. He was constantly reassuring Kurt of his love for and pride in his boy, but having it come from Ella was different. Until just under a month ago, Kurt hadn’t realized just how much he had missed having a mother’s love in his life, and he was beyond thrilled to receive it from Ella. If he couldn’t have Elizabeth there with him, then he was glad that he had someone like Ella.

“You’re my absolute favorite person, Ella, possibly in the entire world. Don’t tell Blaine that, though,” Kurt said, grin widening when Ella shot him a prideful smile before giggling and mumbling that it was their little secret. “Speaking of Blaine, care to enlighten me on the situation yet?”

“Kurt Hummel! What do you take me for?!” Ella asked, placing a hand over her heart as she shook her head. “I will not give in just because you butter me up with some compliments, young man.”

“I hate you and your loyalty,” Kurt said as he shot her a glare.

“Did you just say that you hate Ella?!” Blaine gasped as he entered the room, causing both Kurt and Ella to jump in surprise. “How could you?” He made his way over to Ella, enveloping her in his arms as he stared bewildered at Kurt.

“He’s being mean,” Ella said, playing along as she let her bottom lip stick out in a pout.

“Kurt, how could you?”

“Hey! I didn’t do anything. I said I hated her loyalty, not her. She’s amazing,” Kurt defended, raising his hands, feigning surrender.

“I’m amazing,” Ella grinned as she squeezed Blaine’s wrist.

“Apparently,” Blaine nodded, tilting his head curiously as he looked at Kurt. “What about me?”

“You’re alright, I guess.” Kurt shrugged as he stood, moving to the sink to place his now empty mug in it.

“Alright? Do you hear this man, Ella?” Blaine scoffed as his arms fell to his sides. “I agree, he is being mean this morning.”

“Oh, you poor baby.” Kurt shook his head, trying his best to suppress the smile that had begun to twitch at the corners of his lips. He sauntered his way towards Blaine, holding his arms open for the boy, who huffed and fell into them.

“You’re weak, Anderson,” Ella said in disappointment. “You let Kurt win, and all for a lousy hug.”

Blaine chuckled against Kurt’s neck, a smile gracing his lips. “M’sorry,” he mumbled, pressing a brief kiss to his boyfriend’s neck before pulling back and looking over his shoulder towards Ella. “I can’t help it.”

“You’re so whipped, Blainey, it’s sad,” Ella said with a shake of her head before getting up to start putting cookies away. “Barely a month together and you’re already whipped.”

“Hey, I’m not whipped!” Blaine protested, frowning when Kurt let out a giggle.

“You so are,” Kurt said with an amused smirk. “Now, I have to go to work soon, so are you going to come back to the apartment with me for a bit, or stay here with Ella?” he asked. Blaine looked back and forth between Kurt and the cookies that Ella was putting into Ziploc bags, causing Kurt to chuckle. “I understand. The cookies are so much better. I’d stay too.”

“No, that’s not –“ Blaine began, but was cut off when Kurt pressed his lips against his softly.

“It’s okay, you stay. I’ll see you later?” he asked, smiling when Blaine nodded before leaning in to place another light kiss to Kurt’s lips. Kurt pulled away, walking over to Ella to kiss her cheek before making his way out of the apartment. 

 

 

**…**

 

 

Kurt shifted the coffee from his hands into the crook of his elbow so that he could reach out to open the door leading into Vogue. Upon entering, his eyes flicked towards the front desk out of habit, frowning when the blonde that was usually perched at her computer was nowhere to be seen.

“You’re here, finally,” Hannah’s voice traveled through the room, causing Kurt to snap his attention towards the glass doors that separated the waiting room and the office area.

“Finally? I believe I’m on time,” Kurt quipped, shooting Hannah a smile as he made his way towards her, hand outstretched to offer the coffee it held. “For you,” he added when she looked at him quizzically. “Don’t look at me like that,” he rolled his eyes. “I get you coffee every day, and every day you give me that look. Just say thank you and accept the kind gesture, Hannah,” he teased as she took the cup. Reaching past her, Kurt stepped through the door that led to the office area, stopping only when he felt Hannah place a hand on his arm.

“I…um –“ she stuttered.

Kurt frowned but resumed walking, motioning for her to follow him. “You what?” he asked, waving to a few of the employees as he continued to his office.

“I told him to leave, and threatened to call security, but he wouldn’t go, and when I called security they said that they had already talked to him and that he wasn’t a threat in the slightest, and so he’s in there, and god I’m so sorry Kurt. I didn’t know what to do, or how to get rid of him –“ Hannah rambled, stopping mid-sentence as Kurt’s frown deepened. He reached his office door, twisting the knob.

“Hannah, breathe. Who’s in where?” he asked, pushing the door open, eyes focused on Hannah.

“Se –“

“Finally, it took you long enough to get here,” a voice interrupted, eliciting a squeak from Hannah, and causing Kurt’s head to whip around to look in its direction.

“Did I not tell you to leave me alone?” Kurt snapped instantly, pausing in his spot next to the doorway.

“You did, and I don’t accept your suggestion,” Sebastian shrugged, getting up from where he had been sitting behind Kurt’s desk.

“It wasn’t a fucking suggestion Sebastian,” Kurt hissed, eyes burning in anger when Sebastian chuckled before leaning against Kurt’s desk.

“It is if I want it to be,” Sebastian shrugged, a smug look taking over his features.

“Kurt,” Hannah whispered reaching out a hand to rest on Kurt’s shoulder. “Kurt, are you okay? You’re breathing funny.”

“I’m fine,” Kurt snapped, brushing off Hannah’s question and ignoring the tightness that bundled within his chest.

He hated that Sebastian could do this to him. He hated that all it took was a few words for Kurt’s heart to race, his breathing to speed up, and his head to pound. His panic attacks were usually set off by certain events that brought about sheer terror, or copious amounts of stress. Of course, there were a few things that set him off, a few things that sent rushes of panic throughout his body, but none of them sent the panic flowing through his veins faster than a few sentences out of Sebastian Smythe’s mouth. Squaring up his shoulders, he pushed the rising panic to the back of his mind, ignoring his rapidly accelerating breaths in favor of shooting Sebastian a glare that, if it were able to, would wipe Sebastian and his smug grin off of the planet. “You need to leave.”

“I don’t think that that’s how this works,” Sebastian said with a shake of his head. “We need to talk, and you know that. I just had to catch you in a place where your little fuck buddy wasn’t.”

“Blaine is not my fuck buddy,” Kurt growled, eyes setting into narrow lines as he took a few steps further into the room, ignoring Hannah’s protests to stay away. “And what else could you possibly have to say to me that you didn’t the last time we talked?”

“I want you to come back,” Sebastian said quickly, tone softening. “I want you to come home.” He flinched when Kurt let out a sarcastic laugh.

“I have a home, Sebastian,” he fired back. 

“But it’s not the right one. You belong with me Kurt, I know that and you know that, whether you want to admit it or not.”

“The hell I do,” Kurt spat, arms crossing over his chest in defense. “I don’t belong with you Sebastian. I never have, and you just proved that when you slept with one of our best friends.”

“And I’ll admit that it was a mistake!” Sebastian defended instantly, standing up from where he was still leaning against the desk.

“No,” Kurt retaliated, his voice rising slightly in pitch. “You didn’t just sleep with him, Sebastian. You were with him for three fucking months. That’s not a fucking mistake.”

“You don’t understand, Kurt!” Sebastian said, stepping towards Kurt, sighing when Kurt shook his head and backed away.

“No, I believe it’s _you_ who doesn’t understand,” Kurt snarled, hands beginning to shake at both the anger rising within him and the panic attack that was quickly manifesting in his body despite his effort to push past it. “Stay the fuck away from me. If you can’t do that, I will not hesitate to get a restraining order.”

“But Kurt –“

“And stay the fuck away from Blaine too,” Kurt added, moving to the side of the door and motioning for Sebastian to leave. Sebastian opened his mouth once again, but was quick to shut it upon receiving yet another glare from Kurt. He let out what sounded like a sigh of defeat, making his way to the door.

“I’m done, okay? I give up, I’ll leave you alone,” Sebastian mumbled, his voice a mixture of anger and regret. “But Kurt, if you ever want to, you have my number…use it.” He left before Kurt could tell him that he wouldn’t.

 

 

**…**

“Kurt? Kurt what can I do?” Hannah said, snapping Kurt out of his daze, the boy moving his head quickly as he looked around the room.

“I…I –“ he stuttered, breaths coming in short bursts as he attempted to suck more oxygen into his body.

“Do you need anything? Water? I’ll go grab it.” The words fell out of Hannah’s mouth so quickly that Kurt could only catch a few of them.

“Blaine,” he gasped, slamming his hand down on the desk before yanking himself up out of his chair, eyes wide as he forced his jelly filled legs to move toward the door. “Need Blaine.”

“We can call him and ask him to come here,” Hannah said quickly, rushing to Kurt’s side to steady the wobbly boy.

“No, need to go home,” Kurt argued weakly as he continued to make his way out of his office, stopping only to grab his bag and sling it over his shoulder.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Going home,” he said firmly, continuing to take shallow breaths, fighting through the darkness that had begun to cloud his vision. “Will be fine, just need Blaine, need home.”

They made their way out of the office and onto the busy sidewalk. Giving in, Hannah hailed him a cab, letting the driver know the address before slipping him some money to take care of the ride, hoping that although she couldn’t stop him from heading home, this would help him out in the slightest.

The cab ride flew by in a shot, Kurt spending most of his trying and failing to regain a proper breathing rhythm. The stairs to the apartment were the biggest challenge. He had to stop frequently and sit down in order to avoid losing consciousness as black continued to invade his vision. Only when the darkness faded out slightly did he continue his journey until he was unlocking his door and tumbling in to the apartment.

“Blaine?” he called out as he managed to drop his bag, shrug off his jacket and slip out of his shoes. “Blaine?” he asked, forcing his voice to a louder volume between ragged breaths. He stumbled through the apartment in search of the hazel eyes that never failed to comfort him, but did not find them. He dropped to lay down on the floor in the living room, fumbling over his phone to find Blaine’s number and hitting the call button.

He let out a whimper when the call went straight to voicemail, and he redialed over and over as each call did the same. “Pick up, Blaine, please pick up,” he begged as he continued to dial the number. He tried his best to push the blackness away from his eyes, but it fought back until Kurt let the phone go, succumbing to the darkness that had now invaded his entire head, taking him under.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a slightly early update, because... well because I felt like it!  
> Thank you as always to BeautifulUnseen for making my words fit together nicely and look all pretty. You're amazing!  
> Thank you all for your reviews, kudos, and for following and liking this story! You are all absolutely incredible, and I love you all! 
> 
> WARNING: Mentions of physical and verbal abuse.  
> The mentions of abusive behaviour are found in the last scene of the chapter, if this is sensitive content for you, then feel free to skip over the ending. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I own nothing glee related! I have instead borrowed some people from the wonderful show, but full credit goes to Ryan Murphy and his amazing creative team!

Kurt’s eyes fluttered open against the harsh light that streamed through the living room window. Squinting, he slowly moved himself into a sitting position, wincing at the soreness in his neck and back as he did. He knew what had happened, mainly because he had gotten used to waking up after passing out the few times it had happened previously. Passing out due to lack of oxygen wasn’t something that one should be used to, but yet Kurt was. Taking a few deep breaths, Kurt let his eyes close once again as he fought to remember the exact events that led up to passing out in the middle of the living room. It came back in large chunks that caused his breath to quicken slightly. Sebastian...yelling at each other…the concerned look that Hannah had upon Sebastian’s departure…the need to get home before his attack escalated any further… _Blaine._

The front door flew open, slamming loudly against the wall next to it, inevitably making a dent. Worry filled hazel eyes swept the room, a tiny amount of relief showing through when they found Kurt. Within a few steps he was there, next to Kurt, eyes searching for an explanation as to what had happened.

“Kurt,” Blaine murmured as he reached a hand out to run his fingers down the boy’s cheek, almost as if to make sure that he was tangible and really sitting next to him.

Kurt choked out a sob, tears that he had been unaware were forming in his eyes falling onto Blaine’s hand. “Where were you?”

Blaine swiped at the tears, frowning a little. “One of the girls at work had an appointment today and I was asked to stay an extra hour,” Blaine told him, confused. “I texted you to let you know that I wouldn’t be stopping by for lunch.” Kurt looked away from him and towards the floor. “I called Hannah when you didn’t pick up my calls and she told me that I needed to head here as soon as I could, what’s going on?” he asked as he moved to sit next to Kurt, hand dropping into his own lap as he waited for an answer.

Kurt sat silent for what seemed like hours as he debated his response, unsure of how to properly formulate the words that were running through his mind, which was still a jumbled mess from the panic attack. “I –he…” Kurt stumbled, wiping away a few more tears that had trailed down his cheek. “Sebastian came in to the office today,” he said finally, inhaling sharply as he willed himself to calm down. “He um…he tried to talk to me again, but I asked him to leave and when he refused I started yelling, and it just kind of sucked. I tried not to get worked up, I really did,” he murmured, frustrated at himself for losing it over such a silly thing. “It’s stupid, I know. He says two fucking words and I lose all of my shit, he just – he brings out this anger that I didn’t even know that I had and I break,”

Blaine slowly placed his hand underneath Kurt’s chin, running his thumb along the boy’s bottom lip. “Hey,” he whispered, eyes finding their way up to the blue ones that watched him expectantly, as if one look from Blaine’s Hazel eyes could quell the stream of self-deprecating thoughts flying through his mind. “You’re anything but stupid.”

Kurt huffed out a laugh, his entire body melting in to the comfort of Blaine’s presence. Blaine frowned, dropping his hand back into his own lap and tilting his head in curiosity, unsure of how his words could be translated as something worth laughing at. “I’m serious.”

“No, I know,” Kurt grinned, opening his eyes once again to find Blaine’s. “I wasn’t laughing at what you said. It wasn’t a ‘ha, ha, this is so funny’ kind of laugh. More of a laugh of relief, I guess,” Kurt explained, grin widening when Blaine frowned and shook his head in confusion. “You just make me feel so calm,” Kurt told him biting his lip thoughtfully. “You’re like my own personal type of morphine.”

“I –what?” Blaine stuttered, trying to understand what on earth Kurt was getting at.

Kurt reached out to take Blaine’s hand in his own. “You don’t even have to do anything. You just walk in to the room and a rush of calm runs through me, and suddenly whatever it was that was causing me pain just kind of… dissipates,” Kurt explained, thumb running over Blaine’s own. “I’ve never had that before.”

There were other words that Kurt wanted to say. Three of them, to be exact. But he didn’t dare let them fall over his lips out of fear that they might not be reciprocated. Nonetheless, the words sat in his mouth, waiting for the right moment to speak them.  Some would say that Kurt was moving too quickly, that it was too soon for him to even consider that depth of feelings for Blaine, but there was no other way to explain it; everything else seemed too insignificant compared to what he was feeling. He admitted to himself that the only word that fit was the one he avoided at all costs.

Kurt Hummel was intensely, most deliciously, excitingly, falling in love with the gold flecked whiskey brown eyes that were stared back at him. Kurt knew that what he felt was love. Even if he was unable to admit it to the other boy, it was exhilarating to admit it to himself.

“You’re all sorts of amazing, you know?” Blaine reached out with his free hand and lightly ran his knuckles along Kurt’s cheek, smiling at the way Kurt’s eyelids fluttered shut at his touch. “I was serious earlier though. You’re not stupid.” His voice was soft, sincere, causing Kurt to shiver, small ripples of electricity running throughout his body. “He hurt you, and you’re allowed to be angry with him. You’re allowed to feel,” Blaine assured, eyes fixed on Kurt’s, hoping to see the determination and sincerity in his eyes. “Don’t you ever put yourself down for feeling, for being human, for being you, Kurt.” He opened his mouth to continue, but his words were swallowed by Kurt’s mouth pressing against his own.

Typically, this would be the moment in which Kurt began to panic. He would worry that he was letting himself get pulled too far into Blaine, that he would be unable to make it out if something were to happen, but as Blaine’s lips glided along his own, he couldn’t help but let those fears go, a weight falling off of his heart as he let himself go knowing that Blaine would be there to catch him. In the past there had always been a reason to pull away, to get scared, but right in this moment, there was nothing.

“I –“ he murmured, eyes flying open as the words threatened to escape his mouth without thought. “You’re amazing too,” Kurt stammered before slotting his lips over Blaine’s once more, trying his best to cover up his slip of tongue. His lips formed into a small smile when Blaine disentangled his hand from Kurt before slipping it over Kurt’s thigh, up to his waist, resting it on Kurt’s hip before pulling him closer.

Moving from where he was still sitting leaning against the couch, Kurt shuffled on top of Blaine, legs straddling the other boy’s lap. He brought his hands up to Blaine’s face, holding it in place as he let his tongue slip over Blaine’s bottom lip. Blaine eagerly opened his mouth, humming his appreciation when Kurt’s tongue met his own.

“You’re beautiful,” Blaine said breathlessly when they pulled apart after what seemed like hours. It’s a phrase that Kurt had caught him speaking quite frequently since they had started dating, as if Blaine felt the need to utter it constantly so that Kurt would realize just how much he meant it.

Kurt rested his arms over Blaine’s shoulders, fingers toying with Blaine’s curls. “So are you,” Kurt whispered back. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being you. Being my morphine.”

“God you’re a sap,” Blaine teased, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to Kurt’s lips. “But you’re welcome,” he nodded, smiling when Kurt hummed in content. “Now, come on you, let’s go eat.”

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Dad.” Kurt breathed out a happy sigh when his father’s voice flooded through the room.

“Hey kid, ‘bout time you made a call,” Burt Hummel teased, quirking a brow at his son.

“I’m sorry I just –“

Burt let out a chuckle, “I’m messing with you, Kurt,” Kurt to roll his eyes before adjusting the computer screen, watching as his dad moved from his kitchen to the living room. Kurt smiled at the familiarity of the house.

“How’s the shop?” Kurt asked curiously.

“Same old, the broken cars keep coming,” Burt answered nonchalantly.

“Right,” Kurt frowned. “And you? You’re taking care of yourself?”

Burt sighed and slouched further on the couch. “And here we go,”

“I’m just checking!” Kurt defended, throwing his hands up in the air.

“I’m doing just fine. Better than you, by the looks of it,” Burt said as he inspected his son through the computer. “You look tired, and underfed.”

“I’m fine, dad,” Kurt retorted, feeling the urge to once again roll his eyes at his father.

“If you say so,” Burt shrugged, eyes searching behind Kurt when a loud crash echoed throughout the room followed by a few curse words. “Is that –“

“Maybe,” Kurt cut him off, stretching across the couch to peer into the kitchen to see what had happened, a giggle escaping his mouth when he spotted Blaine glaring at the floor where various kitchen utensils lay across it.

“Do I get to see…meet him?” Burt asked curiously.

“Dad –“

Burt quirked an eyebrow up, crossing his arms over his chest. “You can’t keep him hidden for forever, you know. Go get the boy.” Kurt to sighed dramatically before making his way over to the kitchen.

“Having trouble?” he smirked as he leaned against the door frame, laughing when Blaine’s glare shifted from the scattered utensils up to Kurt. “How did you even –“

Blaine pouted. “That’s not important. Did you hang up on your dad already?” he asked before dropping to the ground to clean up his mess.

“No actually, he um…” Kurt began, watching as Blaine frowned and looked back up at him, cocking his head to the side as he waited for Kurt to continue. “Hewantstotmeetyou,” he spat, words colliding together, rendering them unrecognizable.

“Huh?”

Kurt sucked in a deep breath, shutting his eyes momentarily. “He wants to meet you,” Kurt opened his eyes and watched as Blaine’s eyes widened, jaw dropping slightly. “I can say no if you want, but he’ll probably grumble a bit.”

“No, no –I…um,” Blaine stuttered, eyes flickering around the room as he tried to process his thoughts into words. “I want to meet him,” he said finally, his face falling into a determined expression.

“Are you sure? I don’t wanna –“

Blaine reached out a hand to squeeze Kurt’s briefly. “Kurt, I’m sure.” He assured before getting up off of the floor and walking past Kurt, in to the living room where the laptop was facing the couch. “Coming?” he asked looking back at where Kurt was still standing leaning against the door frame.

“Yeah, yeah, coming.” He followed after his boyfriend who was already plopping himself down on the couch, sending a wave to his dad as he did.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Burt said, looking the boy over.

Blaine flashed the man a confident smile. “You as well, Mr. Hummel, Kurt’s told me a lot about you.”

“All good things, I hope?”

“Oh of course,” Blaine nodded, smiling again when Burt chuckled in response.

Kurt smiled quietly as he watched the two most important people in his life talk as if they had known each other for years. Their conversation turned from the polite small talk to their interests, both men impressed upon the realization that they shared a love of football.

“Kurt can’t even get through ten minutes of the game before an old issue of Vogue gets pulled out,” Burt rolled his eyes before letting them settle on Kurt.

Kurt shrugged, “What can I say? Vogue is ten times more exciting than a football game.”

“Do you see what I have to deal with?” Burt asked, turning his attention back to Blaine, who was chuckling. “You might want to reevaluate your decision to be involved with this one, Blaine, he’s a piece of work and then some.”

“Dad!” Kurt huffed, glaring at his father through the computer screen.

“I’ll make sure to go and reconsider my decision as soon as we finish this conversation,” Blaine teased, laughing when Kurt lightly smacked his arm, before shooting a smile at his boyfriend. Blaine reached over to take Kurt’s hand in his own, smile widening when Kurt huffed before interlocking their fingers, thumb beginning to stroke over Blaine’s.

Burt’s smile faltered slightly as he looked at Blaine, a protective look taking over his features. “Honestly though, you take care of my boy,” 

“Of course, sir — I mean Burt,” Blaine corrected when Burt shot him a look.

“I am a grown man, you know? I can take care of myself,” Kurt chipped in.

“Of course, you can, but I feel better knowing that someone else is looking out for you,” Burt shrugged, unashamed at his worry for his boy.

“Well, I promise I’ll take good care of him, as long as he doesn’t drive me too crazy,” Blaine teased, laughing along with Burt as Kurt huffed in annoyance.

“So, are you coming up here for thanksgiving?” Burt asked abruptly, causing Kurt to sit up, eyes wide as he looked at his dad. He had been planning on both asking Burt if it would be okay to have Blaine come with him for thanksgiving, and asking Blaine if he wanted to, but this was definitely not how he had wanted to ask him.

Blaine turned to face Kurt, eyes confused as he tried to figure out what to say. “Oh I, um…” Blaine trailed off.

“I was going to ask you, after I talked to dad about it,” Kurt said finally, breaking the awkward silence. “I guess I don’t have to ask him anymore,” he joked looking towards his dad who began to shuffle.

“I’ll let you two go now, it was nice meeting you Blaine,” he said, sending the boy a smile and a wave, which he reciprocated.

“You as well, Burt.”

“Kurt, call me later and let me know your plans, I’ll talk to you later.”

“I will. Bye, dad.” Kurt ended the call and looked back to his boyfriend, trying to figure out what exactly might be going on in his head. “You know, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Blaine nodded, eyes fluttering down to his lap. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go with Kurt, because he did. His father however, had called a few days prior and let him know that his flight home had been booked, that he was expected to show up to thanksgiving dinner, and that he would be more than welcome to bring someone special along if he wanted. He knew what his father had meant. Blaine knew that he was still stuck in the notion that Blaine being gay was still just a phase, and he expected that one day Blaine would come home with some pretty girl on his arm, declaring that he had been changed and was now as straight as could be. His mother of course, knew that it would never happen, and had always told Blaine to ignore his father and be with whoever made him happy. She was always quick to reassure him, letting him know that she loved him regardless, and that if someday, a boy came in to his life with whom Blaine wanted to spend the rest of his life, one he loved more than anything, then she was sure that she would love whoever Blaine brought in to his life as well. He knew that if he were to show up to dinner with Kurt on his arm, his father would be completely pissed off, and that it had the potential to destroy the happiness that should surround the family holiday.

Taking a deep breath, Blaine narrowed his eyes in a determined glare, lifting them to look at Kurt before pulling out his phone. “I’ll come,” he nodded before opening his phone, typing in the familiar number and bringing the phone up to his ear.

“You – what are you doing?” Kurt asked confused, mouth falling closed when Blaine put his hand up.

Blaine smiled softly, reaching out to take Kurt’s hand in his, squeezing it softly. “Give me a second,” he mumbled, taking a deep breath as the phone began to ring. He looked up to see Kurt looking both confused and hurt.

“If you’re calling to cancel on us, the answer is no,” his dad’s gruff voice came through the phone speaker, causing Blaine to flinch slightly.

“No, no I’m not,” he said quickly. “No, um, I was, however, wondering if you could cancel my flight. I’m going to head to Lima with a… friend,” he said, eyes finding Kurt’s in a silent apology, smiling in relief when Kurt nodded and squeezed his hand, letting him know that he understood. “We’ll drive up from there for dinner, if it’s okay that I bring them along,” he added, hoping that he wasn’t overstepping by thinking that since he was going to go with Kurt, that Kurt was automatically going to agree to going to dinner with him as well. However, a smile had begun to find its way across Kurt’s lips, the boy clearly excited at the idea of meeting his boyfriend’s parents, even though Blaine knew that it would be nothing like he was expecting.

Andrew huffed, clearly upset with the change of plans, but not wanting to argue with his son at this moment. “As long as you show up,”

“Thanks,” Blaine mumbled. “Well, um…I guess I’ll see you then.”

“Yes, don’t be late. You’ll upset your mother.”

“Right,” Blaine nodded, biting his lip. “Bye dad,” he said, shaking his head when the call was dropped without another word from his father. The plans had barely just been confirmed, and Blaine already couldn’t wait until dinner with his family was over with so he could just go back to his own life.

 

 

**…**

_“Dad I –“ he says, voice cracking slightly as the emotion raging within his body threatens to spill out._

_“No,” Andrew barks, eyes filled with rage as he looks his son over. “This is just a phase, Blaine. The sooner you get over it, the better.” He shook his head before moving past the boy, making his way into the kitchen._

_“It’s not a fucking phase!” Blaine shouts as he follows his father, barely two steps behind the man._

_He isn’t expecting the sting that comes across his face as skin meets skin, a loud smack echoing throughout the otherwise silent room. His eyes fall open in a mixture of shock and fear as he looks towards his father who has a firm look on his face, hand still held high in the air as if ready to slap him once again._

_“You—you…“ Blaine stutters as he takes a few tentative steps backwards, trying his best to put as much space in between himself and his father as possible._

_“You will not speak to me that way. We raised you to show respect,” Andrew snaps as he lowers his hand._

_“But…you…” Blaine begins once again, but stops when he is unable to formulate a proper sentence._

_They stand for what seems like forever, staring at each other, Andrew in complete anger at the behavior of his son, and Blaine in shock and fear of his father’s physical blow to his face. His hand moves without him realizing, and he winces as it meets his stinging face, causing pain to shoot throughout his cheek. He will definitely have a bruise there by morning._

_“You hit me,” he finally mutters, watching as the tiniest amount of guilt flickers throughout Andrews eyes, before being replaced by a coldness that Blaine has never seen before. “You…you hit me,” he repeats as he once again backs up, a few stray tears falling down his cheeks as he does, as if saying the words out loud makes him realize that the entire situation is one hundred percent real._

_He’s expecting Andrew to apologize, or to tell him that he overreacted, or that he didn’t mean to, but those words are not the ones that come out of the man’s mouth. “Maybe that’ll knock some sense in to you.”_

_“What sense?!” Blaine explodes as they return to the argument that had been taking place moments before. “I’m gay, dad! I always have been.”_

_“No! I did not raise a faggot as a son,” Andrew snaps, eyes blazing with anger once again. “It’s just a phase. One day you’ll snap back to reality and then we can move on from this sick joke.”_

_“I –I thought that you loved me,” Blaine whispers as his gaze falls to the floor, unable to look at the man standing in front of him._

_“I do –“_

_“Then love all of me!” Blaine barks, voice coming out louder than he meant to. “Stop trying to tell me who I am or am not and fucking love all of me dad! I am gay. That will not change, no matter how much you try to beat the gay out of me. This is who I am,” he shouts, stepping backwards once again when Andrew steps closer to him. “I’m still me, dad, I’m still Blaine. This has always been who I am. So, if you are going to love me, accept who I am, and love all of me.” And with that, he turns, making his way out of the room as quickly as possible, locking himself in his bedroom out of fear of what his father’s next actions could be._

_He’s grateful for the lock on his door when he hears the sound of a vase shattering. His mother’s voice is quick to echo throughout the house, shouting in anger at his father. It starts out as a fight over a broken vase, but inevitably becomes a fight over a broken boy. A boy who just wants his father to understand and accept who he is. A boy who just wants his father to be…well just that. A father. Not a man who looks at him as if he’s from another world altogether._

_He makes his way in to his ensuite bathroom, letting his eyes fall upon the skin of his cheek, which is beginning to turn a purplish color. He stares at his reflection in the mirror for a few minutes, only moving when he hears his parents’ yelling grow in volume._

_Coming out of his bedroom, he cautiously walks down the stairs, slipping past the kitchen doorway. He catches a glimpse of his mother who is now sobbing as she leans against the counter for support, and his father who is sitting on a kitchen table, mumbling about how ridiculous this entire situation is, and how he cannot wait until Blaine pulls his head out of his ass and gets past all of this._

_As he quietly makes his way out of the house, he looks back, only to hear his mother tell his father that things aren’t going to change, and that he should try to make an effort if he has any intention of keeping his son._

_Little does she know however, that he lost his son the moment his hand made contact with his cheek. Blaine can no longer look up to or respect a man like that. And with that, he shuts the door behind him, making his way out into the darkness of the night, breathing in the fresh air. He’s not running away. No, that wouldn’t be fair to his mother, who he knows loves him beyond belief. He just needs time away, time to think, time to breathe. He needs to be somewhere away from the suffocation of his father’s disappointment. Somewhere he can be free, even if it’s only for a few hours. He just needs to breathe._

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s Monday… I didn’t even realize until about twenty minutes ago! But, good news is that I did remember, and so the chapter is going up! This one is one of my favorite’s so far. You’ll get a little insight in to the Anderson family, which is something that I have received quite a few questions about. So, I hope you all love it!   
> Thanks again to BeautifullyBroken for editing for me, you’re the best JJ!   
> -B

Blaine took a deep stuttered breath as his eyes found the familiar front door of his parent’s classic Victorian style house from where he sat in the passenger seat of Burt’s old beat up truck. To say that he was nervous was an understatement. He was petrified, fear flowing through every single inch of his body. Scenarios played throughout his mind as to how the events of the evening could possibly go, and none of them had a happy ending.

His eyes fluttered closed when the feeling of a hand falling on top of his own snapped through his thoughts, bringing him back to the present. He took another deep breath before opening his eyes once again, turning his head to lock gazes with the familiar blue eyes staring back at him.

 “Are you okay?” Kurt asked, voice a soft whisper as if afraid to spook the boy.

Meeting Burt and Carole had been a breeze for Blaine. They both had been welcoming as soon as he had stepped through the door. Burt had interrogated him slightly over dinner, claiming that he hadn’t been able to talk to Blaine long enough to really get a feel for the boy. Thankfully, after dinner had finished, he had claimed that he did really like Blaine, and the two had proceeded to watch football together. Even Finn, Kurt’s step brother, had been great. Blaine already felt comfortable with the entire Hummel-Hudson family, and it saddened him to know that Kurt would most likely have a different experience all together with his. He knew that his mom would be welcoming, whereas his father would be anything but.

Blaine’s lips twitched up in to a sad smile. “No,” he answered honestly. Kurt sighed, head tilting to the side, his eyes shining with sympathy and worry as he looked his boyfriend over.

“We don’t have to go on,” he suggested.

Blaine shook his head. “No, we do. I’ll never hear the end of it if I don’t show up, but if you’ve changed your mind –“

“No, I’m coming,” Kurt said firmly, squeezing Blaine’s hand in reassurance.

“Let’s get this over with then.” Blaine reached to open the door but stopped when Kurt’s grip on his hand tightened.

Kurt smiled softly as Blaine turned back around to look at him. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?” he said softly. “No matter what he says, no matter what happens tonight, I’m not going to run away, I promise.”

Blaine hadn’t known that he needed to hear the words out loud until they had been said. He leaned forward, pressing his lips against Kurt’s in a soft kiss before pulling away and shooting the boy a grateful look.

“Thank you,” he said simply before letting go of Kurt’s hand to get out of the car. He made his way up to the front door, his body shaking slightly out of fear as he reached out to open the door, stopping at the last second and turning to look at Kurt.

“It’s going to be okay,” Kurt assured, slipping his hand in to Blaine’s and tangling their fingers together.

Blaine nodded before sucking in another deep breath, pushing the door open before tightening his grip on Kurt’s hand and walking in to the house.

Everything hit him at once, from the familiar smell of his mom’s famous apple pie floating throughout the room, to the soft glow of the lights illuminating the front entrance, to the unfortunately familiar sound of his parents shouting back and forth at each other. Blaine winced, looking towards Kurt to apologize for his parents’ unacceptable behavior.

“…Because heaven forbid you go through one lousy family dinner without trying to force some little floozy of a girl – who is only out to get money – on to our son?” his mom’s raised voice spilled into the room as the sound of some metal object hitting the counter rang out after it.

“I – maybe we should go,” Blaine said quickly, turning to head back out of the door.

Kurt tightened his grip on Blaine’s hand, remaining in place. “Hey, no. I know that this is going to be a rough evening, but seeing you is going to make her so much happier,” Kurt reminded him. Blaine let out a reluctant sigh before turning back around, eyes trained on the entrance to the kitchen.

“There’s got to be one that will kick him out of this phase. It’s been going on for far too long,” Andrew roared, causing Blaine to tense up.

Blaine felt as if every nightmare that he had experienced in the past month was now turning into reality in front of him as his parents continued to shout back and forth, still unaware of his presence in the house. Not that his presence had ever stopped them from fighting before.

“Mom I’m home!” he shouted finally, snapping his eyes shut at the audible gasp his mother made before muttering something indecipherable to his father. She walked out of the kitchen with a beautiful genuine smile across her lips, despite the angry argument that had taken place just seconds before.

“How long have you been standing there?” she asked, eyes widening slightly when she spotted both him and Kurt standing a mere ten feet away from the kitchen entrance.

“Long enough,” he muttered before giving her a shrug. “It’s okay Ma.”

She shook her head, her smile melting into a look of apology. “It’s not, baby boy. You shouldn’t have to put up with that anymore.”

“Neither should you,” Blaine retorted before letting go of Kurt’s hand to close the gap between him and his mother. “I missed you, Ma,” he breathed as he enveloped her in his arms.

“Missed you too, baby boy.”

“M’not a baby.”

She chuckled lightly, squeezing the boy a little tighter. “You’re always my baby, so stop arguing.”

“Fine,” Blaine grumbled before pulling away, turning to look at Kurt who was fidgeting with his sleeve, watching the two with an adoring look on his face. “Ma, this is Kurt,” he introduced, stepping away from his mom to hold a hand out to Kurt, who took it hesitantly. “Kurt, this is my mom.”

Blaine’s mom smiled brightly, “Ah, so this is the boy that Blaine spends his entire phone calls with me gushing over.”

“Mom!”

“Well, you do,” she shrugged before pulling Kurt in to a hug. “I’m sorry you had to overhear that earlier, but I’m so glad you came with Blaine.”

“Thank you for having me, Mrs. Anderson,” Kurt smiled as they both pulled out of the embrace.

“Oh, please. Call me Cora, dear. Mrs. Anderson makes me sound too old,” Cora scoffed, giving the boy an assuring smile.

Kurt smiled back, happy that at least Blaine’s mom seemed to like him.

“Blaine,” Andrew said curtly as he entered the room, eyes falling straight to Kurt before moving to where his and Blaine’s hands were still intertwined.

Blaine could see the shift in his dad’s eyes. What was once a look of tolerance was quickly masked by a look that was a mixture of anger and disappointment. He had seen it coming. He had known that his father would be upset at him for bringing Kurt along, and yet, he had still done it.

 

**…**

 

 

They stood in the entrance to the kitchen in complete silence for what Blaine could only describe as five achingly painful minutes before his father took a deep breath and walked back in to the kitchen without so much as another word.

Cora told both boys to head to the living room to wait until the rest of the family arrived, and so they left and sat in utter silence for a good half hour before the first guests showed up. However, once Blaine’s beautiful niece skipped through the door, the entire fear- and hurt-filled atmosphere that had been lingering around Blaine transformed into one of sheer joy. He got up from the couch and captured the pretty blonde in what looked like a suffocating hug, and a smile slipped on to Kurt’s lips at the sight.

“Sophia! Gosh, you’re getting so big!” Blaine exclaimed as he loosened his grip on the four-year-old girl to look her over once again. A few hours prior to making their way to Blaine’s parents’ house, Blaine had warned Kurt about his ridiculously inappropriate and goofy brother – a brother that until that moment, Kurt had been completely unaware even existed – before gushing about his beautiful daughter. Blaine had told him about how he had been living with Cooper when she was born, how he had been around for the first two years of her life, and how they had been close ever since. Kurt’s heart melted slightly at the sight of his boyfriend giddily smiling at the girl in his arms as she beamed back at him.

“Uncle Blaine! Look, I brought B!” the girl shrieked as she shoved a stuffed elephant in Blaine’s direction. “I named her B, because you gots her for me, and I didn’t want to copy your name and call her Blaine too, so her name is B, and I love her!” the girl rambled causing Blaine to shake his head affectionately and let out a soft chuckle.

“Well I’m glad you like her,” he responded, bopping the girl lightly on the nose. “Gosh, you really are getting so big… how old are you now?”

“I’m four, Uncle Blainey, you know that! B was my birthday present!” the girl chirped back.

“Right, right. I remember.” Blaine chuckled, turning from where he was crouched on the ground to face Kurt, who was smiling at them from the couch. “Okay, Soph, I’ve got someone really, really special that I want you to meet,” Blaine said as he turned back to the girl. “But promise me, you won’t embarrass me too much okay?” he joked as he tickled the girl’s side lightly, eliciting a happy squeal from her.

“I promise, Uncle Blainey!” she said quickly, grinning widely.

“Okay, Soph, this is Kurt,” he said as he moved out of the girl’s view of Kurt, motioning for his boyfriend to come over to them. “Kurt, this is – “

“My name’s Sophia Grace Anderson, and I’m four years old,” Sophia cut him off.

Kurt chuckled and kneeled down next to Blaine on the floor, holding out his hand for the girl to shake. “It’s nice to meet you Sophia, your Uncle Blainey told me a lot about you,” he told her, smiling when she giggled.

“He called you Uncle Blainey, too,” she whispered towards Blaine before putting her tiny hand in Kurt’s and shaking it. “You’re Kurt!” she squealed. “Daddy says that you and Uncle Blainey kiss sometimes. I think that kissing is yucky, but if you want to do it, then I guess that’s okay.”

Blaine’s eyes widened in horror as he searched for something to say to the girl.

“Well, how about this? I’ll make you a promise that there will be no kissing tonight,” Kurt suggested, biting his lip to suppress the giggle that threatened to burst through.

“Good, because…ew.” Sophia agreed with a firm nod.

“So Sophia, what kind of things do you like to do?” Kurt asked as he looked past the girl at the sparkly pink backpack that leaned against the entrance to the living room.

“I like all kinds of things!” Sophia exclaimed. “But mommy said I could only bring one thing tonight, so I brought my colors!”

“You did!?” Kurt asked enthusiastically. “How about you go grab them and set up on the coffee table, and I’ll color with you?”

“Yes!” the little girl shouted, quickly sprinting towards her bag. “Uncle Blainey, Kurt’s more fun than you!” she shouted as she dug through the backpack.

“Wow, hardly five minutes in the same room, and she’s already turned against me,” Blaine huffed with a mock pout.

“You’ll live,” Kurt teased, looking towards Sophia to make sure she was no longer paying attention to them before kissing Blaine’s pouty lips quickly. “I’ll play with her, you go say hi to the rest of your family. You can introduce me later.”

“You’re sure?” Blaine asked, frowning.

“I’m sure. They’re all in there with your dad, and he wasn’t too thrilled with my presence earlier. I don’t want to make things any more awkward than they’re already bound to be,” Kurt assured, sending Blaine a smile.

“You know that I’m not – I don’t want you to think…I’m not ashamed of you. You know that, right?”

“Of course, I do. We just don’t need more drama than there will already inevitably be, so you go. I’ll be okay.” Kurt leaned in to press a kiss against his boyfriend’s lips once again.

“Hey! You said no kissing!” Sophia’s voice broke through the moment, causing both boys to pull back and chuckle. Blaine reluctantly got up, pressing a kiss to Kurt’s temple as he did before leaving Kurt and Sophia to color while he went to see the rest of his family.

 

 

**...**

 

 

“So, are you and Uncle Blaine boyfriends or something?” Sofia asked as she reached to grab the red crayon.

“Um, yeah,” Kurt nodded, glancing up from his own coloring sheet to peer at the girl who was looking at him curiously. “Yeah, Uncle Blaine and I are boyfriends.”

Sophia’s brow furrowed slightly as she looked Kurt over before nodding and going back to coloring the top of her rainbow in.

“Is that…is that okay with you?” Kurt asked curiously. The last thing that he wanted was an angry four-year-old who was convinced that he was stealing away her favorite uncle.

Sophia nodded, smiling softly as she continued to color. “Yeah. You make Uncle Blaine happy,” she said matter-of-factly as she glanced up at him. Kurt frowned slightly. How on earth could a four-year-old pick up on something like that? “His eyes got all sparkly when he looked at you earlier,” Sophia said as if she could read his thoughts.

“Did he now?” Kurt asked, now mildly amused.

“Yep! You looked the same way,” she added, causing Kurt to laugh in response. “So, you must really, really like uncle Blainey then, huh?”

Kurt bit his lip lightly, mulling the question over in his head.

_No, I more than like your Uncle Blainey,_ he thought, but he wasn’t going to admit that to a four-year-old before he even told Blaine. “Yeah, yeah I really do.”

“Good,” Sophia said happily. “Because I really like you, and if you like Uncle Blainey, and he likes you, then that means you won’t be leaving.” He hadn’t expected those words to leave Sophia’s mouth, but as soon as they were spoken, he felt like the girl had said everything that Kurt felt. He didn’t want to go anywhere. He wanted to be here. Always.

“She may be young, but I swear she’s a twenty-year-old in a four-year-old’s body sometimes,” a voice snapped through Kurt’s thoughts, causing him to look up towards the entrance to the living room. A man leaned against the door frame, eyes glowing with something that could be interpreted as happiness as he watched Kurt and Sophia color. “I’m Cooper.”

Kurt’s eyes widened slightly as he stood and made to walk towards Cooper. “Kurt,” he supplied as he reached out a hand, gasping when Cooper shook his head and pulled Kurt in to a hug.

“We hug in this family,” Cooper explained as he released the boy. “It’s good to meet you.”

“And you.” Kurt nodded. “You…you’re the guy – “

“From the freecreditratingtoday.com commercials, yes,” Cooper finished with a chuckle.

Kurt’s jaw dropped, the boy nodding as he tried to find his next words. “That was my ringtone in high school,” he admitted, cringing when he realized how stupid the words sounded. Cooper, however, laughed and shrugged.

“It was a fun time,” he told Kurt. “So, my daughter’s prodding into your personal life I hear.”

“Oh, she wasn’t – “

“I taught her well,” Cooper nodded, causing Kurt to smile and shake his head. “Seriously though, Blaine seems to be happy, I’m glad that you’re around to make him that way. If anybody deserves happiness, it’s Blaine.”

“Hey Kurt, oh god,” Blaine said as he entered the room, eyes widening at the sight of his brother and boyfriend standing together. “Whatever he’s telling you, disregard it.”

Cooper snorted, “Oh please. We were having a civil conversation, for your information.”

“Nothing is civil with you, Coop.” Blaine rolled his eyes before lightly wrapping his arm around his boyfriend’s waist. “Promise you won’t let him scare you away.”

Kurt let out a laugh, “He’s been pretty good, actually.”

“Not possible,” Blaine shook his head. “Anyways, I was sent in here to let you know that dinner is ready. Mom wants everybody in there ASAP.”

“Food!” Sophia squeaked as she dropped her crayons and sprinted off to the dining room, leaving the adults to laugh at her outburst.

Cooper took a deep breath and gave his brother a knowing look. “Let the fun begin.”

 

 

**…**

 

 

Kurt could admit that he had expected dinner to be a complete disaster, but he as he sat waiting for desert, he was happy to say that nothing horrible had happened. They had all eaten peacefully, chatter erupting around the table as the family caught up with each other. Kurt had been lucky enough to be seated beside Anna, Cooper’s wife, who was an absolute doll and seemed to adore Kurt already.

Blaine’s father, of course, had yet to say anything to Kurt, but he hadn’t let that get to him, nor did he expect it to change.

“So, how do you know Blaine?” Andrew’s voice rose up from his spot at the end of the table. Kurt hadn’t been aware that the question had been directed at him as he had been caught up talking to Anna about Vogue. However, when the table fell to complete silence, Anna had bumped Kurt’s knee with her own, causing Kurt to frown before looking down the table to where everybody’s, but most importantly Andrew’s, eyes were trained on him.

“Pardon?” he asked, voice quiet and shaky.

“I asked how you knew my son,” Andrew reiterated as he tilted his head to the side in curiosity, lips pursed in to a thin line, and a frown placed firmly on his face.

“Oh, um, we met at a…um, a celebration for my friend Rachel.”

“A celebration, huh?” Andrew grumbled.

“Yes, it was um, in honor of her final night on Broadway Sir. She was the lead in Funny Girl.” He toyed nervously with the hem of his pants.

“Right, well I guess Blaine could always use some new _friends_ ,” Andrew responded, emphasizing the last word.

“Dad,” Blaine said, a sort of warning clear in his voice.

“What? You could,” Andrew shrugged.

“Maybe so, but you know –“

“Blaine, please,” Cora spoke up, eyes narrowing at her son. “Now is not the time.”

“Never is, Mom.” Blaine scoffed as he slouched back in to his seat.

“Blaine, honey, please – “

“No, Ma. I’m sorry, and I love you, but it’s never the time,” Blaine retorted. “It never has been, for some reason. Every time the topic gets brought up it gets shot down in favor of making sure that Dad doesn’t get upset, but I always seem to get crushed.”

Kurt couldn’t say that he was surprised that the conversation was taking the turn that it was, as he had expected it to come up at some point, but he had been sure that it would be in a private moment and not when Blaine’s aunts, uncles, and cousins were sitting and watching it play out.

“Blaine –“ Andrew began, but was quickly cut off by the sharp sound of Blaine’s hand landing roughly against the wooden table.

“No, Dad. Don’t ‘Blaine’ me. You brought this on in the first place,” Blaine growled, voice low and rough. “You knew that you were pushing buttons when you claimed Kurt as a friend, when we both know that, that is not what he is. Kurt is my –“

“Blaine, honestly, please don’t.” Cora begged, eyes imploring him to stop before he was in too deep.

“Kurt’s my boyfriend, Dad. You know it, and I’m sure the rest of the family here does as well. I’m gay, Dad. How many times must we have this conversation until you realize that this part of me isn’t going anywhere?”

“As soon as you realize that it’s a phase.”

“With all due respect, sir, don’t phases tend to only last for a short period of time? Blaine has said that he is gay for years now as far as he has told me. If it was a phase, don’t you think it would have ended already?” Kurt spoke up, causing all eyes to once again snap back to him, widening in horror.

“It’s a phase,” Andrew snarled, eyes narrowing in a glare that could kill as he looked at Kurt. “One day he’ll grow the hell up and realize that.”

“It’s not a phase! How many times do I need to tell you that for you to get it through your brain, dad?” Blaine snapped as he stood from his seat. “It’s not a fucking phase, and it never has been! Maybe you’re the one who needs to grow up, because a grown ass man would accept his son and put this past him. Get the fuck over it, I’m gay!”

“Blaine Devon Anderson!” Cora scolded.

“I’m sorry, Ma, but he can’t keep doing this!” Blaine defended, hands flying up into the air as he shoved his chair backwards, and took a step back himself. “I’ve spent the past eight years of my life listening to him shout about this being a phase. I’ve spent eight fucking years without his support. Hell, I’ve spent the last eight years without a father. He practically disappeared from my life as soon as I told him, and every time he seems to reenter it, it’s for the sole purpose of shouting at me about this being a phase. I’m sorry to crush dreams and ruin lives here, but it’s not a phase. This is me, take me or leave me. But please, stop telling me that it’s a goddamn phase.” And with that, Blaine turned on his heel. He made his way out of the kitchen, the sound of the front door slamming shut echoing throughout the house moments later.

Kurt sat, both shocked beyond belief and proud of his boyfriend’s actions. He wasn’t sure what to do. He knew that he needed to leave before things got worse, but he was glued to his seat, and the panic that he had felt as his boyfriend had shouted his feelings had turned into something that he had hoped to avoid while being at dinner. The annoying clenching within his chest had started somewhere in the middle of Blaine’s outburst, out of fear of the consequences that Blaine’s words might bring with them. He didn’t want Blaine to lose people that he cared about, all because he couldn’t hold his tongue against a comment directed towards Kurt mid-dinner. Kurt didn’t want to be the one responsible for ruining relationships. He couldn’t do that. Not to Cora, not to Cooper, and most importantly not to Blaine.

“Sweetie, are you okay? Blaine mentioned…” the voice began but stopped when Kurt’s head shot up. The table was empty – _when had everybody left?_ – and Cora sat next to him, hand resting gently on his knee.

“I-I’m fine,” Kurt stuttered, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. _What did I do? What did I do?_

“Are you sure, honey?” Cora asked softly.

Kurt took another deep breath, sighing with relief as the tightness in his chest seemed to release. “Yeah, yeah I’m good,” he mumbled. “Blaine, where did he –“

“He’s out leaning against your car. Hasn’t moved for the last twenty minutes,” Cora explained, giving his knee a squeeze.

“Twenty-minutes… but –“

“You seemed to zone out after he left. Everybody else went in to the living room, and Andrew stomped off in to his study,” Cora explained.

“Oh god,” Kurt breathed, worried about what he had done while he was zoned out.

“Don’t worry, all you did was sit and stare at the table, nothing else. Your breathing was a little harsh, but that’s about all.”

Kurt let out a breath, nodding as he looked down at his own hands. “I’m sorry.”

Cora shook her head, “God, no. None of this was you. Those two have always been like this, and if I’m going to be honest with myself, it was only a matter of time before Blaine blew up and decided that enough was enough. Andrew picking on you was just the final straw, I’m afraid.”

“How do you know?” Kurt asked, confused. Blaine had mentioned that he and his father had fought multiple times before, but it seemed that Blaine had always come back in order to keep things peaceful for his mother.

“I’ve never seen that kind of fire in his eyes before,” Cora admitted. “The way he looked at Andrew when he was defending you, I’ve never seen that look before.”

“Oh,” Kurt said simply. “Well um, I should –“

“Go get him, dear, and head home,” Cora agreed. “I already went out and said my goodbyes, so you take him and try and get him to relax. You both seem like you could use some peace.”

“Thank you for having us,” Kurt muttered softly, eyes finding Cora’s.

“Of course, dear, it was wonderful to meet you. I’m sorry things had to end the way that they did, but if you and Blaine are ever in Lima again, give me a call and I’ll come meet you both somewhere else. I’d love to get to know you.”

Kurt’s lips twitched into a smile, the boy looking at Cora with gratitude. “Thank you,” he whispered. Cora pulled him in to a hug, kissing his cheek softly before pulling away and motioning for him to go see Blaine.

 

 

**…**

 

 

He spotted Blaine as soon as he stepped out of the house. He was leaning against his dad’s old beat up truck as he stared out at the snow melting on the road. Kurt smiled softly at the beauty that his boyfriend continuously seemed to emanate no matter where he was. It could be dark and grey and utterly gross outside, and Blaine would still look just as beautiful as he did in that moment. Kurt felt his heart ache for the boy, knowing that as he stared out at the road, the thoughts weaving through his gorgeous mind were most likely anything but happy.

“Hey, you,” Kurt whispered softly as he carefully approached the boy, not wanting to startle him.

Blaine shifted to look at Kurt, lips turning up in the slightest of smiles before returning to an emotionless line. Kurt opened his mouth to say more, but decided against it, and instead reached out to squeeze Blaine’s bicep lightly, before motioning for him to get in the truck.

The drive was silent as Blaine sat looking out the window. Kurt found himself stealing glances at Blaine, wishing that he would open up, but knowing that he would talk when he was ready.

“Where are we going?” Blaine asked quietly when he noticed Kurt turning off on to some random road on the outskirts of Lima.

“You’ll see,” Kurt stated with a shrug, eyes glued to the road. Blaine nodded slowly before returning his gaze to the blankets of white that flew past his window. He was brought back from his thoughts when the truck stopped, causing him to look to out the front window, gasping lightly at the view coming in to his line of sight.

Kurt had parked them in front of a ledge that dropped into a broad area with trees scattered throughout, their tips lightly frosted with thin glimmering sheets of snow, sparkling in the last bit of sunlight before sunset.

“I used to come out here when Lima seemed a little too suffocating,” Kurt explained as he pushed his door open, Blaine following suit before both exited the truck. Kurt hopped up on to the hood of the truck, patting the spot next to him for Blaine to join, which he did without hesitation.

“Whether it was because one too many names had been thrown at me, or because I had lost my cool and needed an escape, I found myself out here quite a bit. It’s refreshing, really, the open space. It’s a place to just catch your breath. You seemed like you needed a place to do that.”

Blaine wedged his lip between his teeth, staring out fondly at the space that meant so much to Kurt, warmth building in the pit of his stomach at the sheer intimacy of Kurt sharing this part of him. “I –I did,” Blaine said breathily. “Thank you.”

Kurt shrugged lightly, reaching out to intertwine his fingers with Blaine’s. “If you want to talk about it, know that I’m here to listen. And if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay too.” Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand softly.

Blaine let out a breath, shutting his eyes for a moment before opening them to stare across the multitude of trees. “I just wish things were different, you know?” he murmured, eyes searching through the trees as if the answers to his questions lay in the spaces between them. “I just want him to love me.”

“Oh, Blaine,” Kurt sighed, thumb stroking over Blaine’s own in attempt to comfort the boy.

“No, I know that he doesn’t. Not fully, anyway. But, he’s my dad for god’s sake. Isn’t he supposed to love me no matter what?” Blaine questioned, voice cracking slightly as he spoke. “I just…I just want to be loved, Kurt. I just want someone to love me.”

“You have people who love you, Blaine,” Kurt countered.

“I know, but I mean… I want more, I guess,” Blaine said, brow furrowing as he tried to figure out how to explain himself. “I have friends who love me, I know. There are people. But I want more. A parent is supposed to love you endlessly, despite your flaws, despite all of the shit that follows you around, and I want that. I just want to be loved like that,” Blaine explained, blinking rapidly to push away the tears that had begun to pool in his eyes. “Why can’t anybody love me like that?”

Kurt swallowed thickly, contemplating his next words. “I – “ Kurt began, stopping to close his eyes and take a deep breath.  He did, he did feel that way, and he needed Blaine to know that, to know that someone did. He needed the broken boy sitting next to him to know that he was loved, that he was worthy of that kind of love, that he was worth more than he could even imagine. “God, this isn’t how I wanted to do this,” Kurt breathed, eyes fluttering open to find the hazel ones that were watching him, wide and waiting to hear what Kurt had to say. “This was supposed to happen in some perfect moment while we were cuddled by the fire, or swaying together as some soft melody played in the background, and I understand that I’m not a parent…” he trailed off, reaching out to cup Blaine’s cheek in his hand before running his thumb over his cheek bone. “And, I know people may say that I’m moving too fast, or that I need to take a step back and reconsider, but…god, Blaine,” Kurt huffed out a breath before taking another deep one, trying to settle his nerves. “I love you,” he whispered, the words falling off his tongue in such reverence that Blaine had to blink a few more times to keep his tears at bay. “I love _you,_ Blaine. All of you. I love your goofiness and the way that you blush scarlet when someone tries to compliment you. I love the way that your eyes crinkle when you smile, and the way that they light up when your fingers trace the keys of a piano in some beautiful melody. I love every damn thing about you, flaws and quirks – all of it. I love _you_.”

And once the words left his mouth, Kurt could no longer understand why he had held them in for so long. He found something utterly freeing about laying his feelings out on the table.

Blaine blinked slowly, eyelashes brushing against his cheeks as he did, eyes searching Kurt’s for a moment, before he moved to lean in to his boyfriend, lips finding Kurt’s in the softest of kisses, baring every emotion he could possibly be feeling in that moment. He pulled back, eyes glued to Kurt’s bright, clear blue ones as a grin twitched its way across his lips.

“I love you, too.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahem… you’re late. I know, I know! I’m sorry! It’s been crazy around here lately, especially with finals coming up, so bear with me for the next few chapters, they might be updated a little slower. This is not only because it’s beginning to get incredibly busy around here, but also because you guys deserve the best chapters that I can give, and the next few are incredibly important, and I want to get them right! So, hang on with me, I promise to try and make sure that updates don’t get too prolonged, because that’s not fair either!   
> For now, I want to thank as always BeautifulUnseen for betaing this story for me… it is because of you that this story works so well, so thank you!  
> Also! Shout out to Lil for the constant encouragement in everything that I do! You’re great!   
> And finally, shout out to all of you lovely people who read my words, and for some reason unknown to me, love them. You are absolutely amazing, and are one of the reasons that I do this at all! So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart!  
> Now, late, but none-the-less, here is chapter 14!

_Blaine’s hand flies up to his cheek as he winces at the pain coursing through his face. He’d like to say that he’s unfamiliar with the pain of a hand swiping across his cheek, but if he did he’d be lying._

_The first time it happened was a shock. He hadn’t thought that his father would do such a thing, yet in the month that had passed since the first time, it had happened at least a dozen or so more._

_It seems to happen when his father has a few too many glasses of scotch, and since the stress from work has continued to build over the past six months, the drinking has become a daily activity._

_“You fucking brat. We didn’t raise you to be this way!” his father shouts as Blaine receives yet another blow to the face. He had not thought that someone could go from kind to verbally abusive to physically abusive in a span of six months, but his father is living proof that it can happen._

_“Andrew! Andrew, stop!” he hears his mother shout in the background as he staggers a little. He gives in to the weakness in his knees as he falls to the floor, hand still pressed firmly against his face._

_“No Cora, he needs to understand the line that he has crossed. He cannot continue to spit such disrespectful words towards us,” Andrew scolds, glaring in Cora’s direction before turning back to his son. “Everything that you have is because of us. It can just as easily be taken away,” he growls at Blaine._

_“Andrew! He’s nineteen for god’s sake! He’s an adult, you can’t treat him like this!” Cora screeches as tears flow freely down her delicate features._

_Blaine knows that he could do something about the hitting. He knows that it’s illegal and that if he wants he can pick up his phone, call the cops and have his father dragged off to jail. He also knows, however, that if he were to do so, his mother might be the one to pay the price._

_Although the hitting and insults come frequently, he’s more than grateful that none of them have been directed towards his mother. He could not bear it if his father were to cast even the slightest insult her way, let alone beat her as well. If it were to happen, he’s sure that he would completely lose his shit, and then he would be the one behind bars. So instead he takes it. He’s been taking it for the past six months, and he can do it until he is able to leave the house, which if he has his own way, will be much sooner than any of them had originally planned._

_Teachers had questioned Blaine’s bruises at first, but upon joining the school boxing club, they had left him alone assuming that the club was the source of the bruises. He was content with that. Anything to protect his angel of a mother._

_“I can, and I will. This house, everything in it, is mine Cora. And I will deal with my possessions as I see fit,” Andrew snarls._

_“I’m not your possession. I’m a fucking human being,” snarls Blaine, eyes alight with a renewed fire that had been kindled by his father’s comment. “And neither is mom. We’re not your fucking property, Dad.”_

_“You little fuck,” Andrew spits before his hand is once again colliding with the side of Blaine’s face. As he withdraws his hand he looks down at his son, eyes narrowing to an angry glare. “I have work to do. Learn to show some fucking respect to those who provide for you,” he barks before marching off to his study._

_His mother falls to his side seconds after his father has left the room, hand brushing Blaine’s own away before caressing his cheek softly, tears still trickling down her cheeks. “I’m sorry baby,” she mumbles, voice broken. “I’m so sorry.”_

_“It’s okay, Ma,” he breathes, trying his best to shoot her a reassuring smile._

_“No, Blaine – “_

_“Really Ma, it’s okay,” Blaine repeats, eyes finding hers. “I’m gonna be okay,” he assures as he rests his hand on top of hers on his cheek, squeezing it lightly._

_“No, this isn’t okay. You need to get out of here,” she states firmly, lips narrowing into a tight line. “Upstairs in my bedside table, there’s an emergency credit card. I want you to take it, head to the airport, and book yourself a flight to New York. You should be able to get in to the dorms already, right?”_

_“Yes, but Ma –“_

_Cora shakes her head causing Blaine to let his mouth fall shut. “Just do this, please baby,” she pleads, huffing out a breath in relief when he nods. “I’ll pack your things tomorrow when your father is in the office, and I’ll make sure they get sent right away.”_

_“But what about you, Ma? What if he gets mad?” Blaine protests, panic rising in his chest as he thinks of the ways in which his father might take his anger out on his mom._

_“He won’t touch me,” she assures him. “I promise, Blaine. But I need you to get out before he does anything worse to you. I can’t watch him hit you around like that anymore.”_

_He knows that if she could stop it then she would. He knows that it pains her to watch his father hit him, that she partially blames herself. He knows that she feels helpless, but also that she feels guilty for not going to the authorities about it. He knows that she’s just as scared as she is of the repercussions that going to the authorities would bring. He doesn’t blame her, he never could._

_“A-are you sure?” he stutters before swallowing thickly, trying his best to push his emotions away. She’ll start sobbing if he cries, and he can’t watch that. Not right now._

_“More than anything,” Cora nods._

_They sit in silence for a few more minutes, Cora’s thumb brushing lightly across his cheek as they let emotions and thoughts roll over in their minds. Blaine’s the first one to move, getting off the ground and jogging up the stairs. He is quick to pack some clothing in a small duffel bag, enough for at least a week. It’s enough to last until his boxes arrive, and if not…well, washing machines were made for a reason._

_He then grabs the credit card out of his mom’s drawer before heading down the stairs. He chokes bag a sob when he spots his mom standing next to the door, hands covering her face as she sobs loudly._

_“Ma,” he says as he approaches her, causing her to sniffle and get herself under control before looking at him. “Ma, I can stay.”_

_“No, you can’t,” she says firmly before holding her arms out. He falls into her embrace, tucking his face in to the side of her neck as he wraps his arms around her waist, squeezing her softly. The tears that he’s been successfully holding back now fall down his cheeks as he breathes in the scent of her lavender body wash, wanting to burn the memory of her scent into his mind._

_“I’m gonna miss you, Ma. So much,” he chokes out, body trembling as he clings to her._

_This causes Cora to let out a quiet sob and pull him further in to the embrace, her lips dropping a kiss to the top of his head. “I’m gonna miss you too baby boy, but I’ll come see you soon. I promise,” she whispers._

_They stand in each other’s arms for a while longer, breaking apart when the click of his father’s office door opening breaks through the silence._

_“Go,” she whispers. “I love you.” She places a kiss on his cheek._

_“I love you too, Ma,” he whispers back, his lips brushing her forehead before he slips out the front door, away from the only home he’s ever known._

The sound of a loud sob caused Kurt’s eyes to flutter open. He frowned and bit his lip, sure that the sound had been a part of his dream rather than reality. However, the sound of another sob followed by a swift jab to his rib cage made him realize that no, it wasn’t his dream, but his boyfriend who was now flailing next to him.

Blaine had claimed that his nightmares only happened once in a while, but in the five times Blaine had slept over in the past two weeks, he’d had a nightmare during almost all of them.

“Blaine,” Kurt whispered, reaching out to squeeze his boyfriend’s bicep, something that usually caused the boy to stir. This time though, Blaine let out yet another sob before curling his body in to a ball.

“Blaine, baby, wake up,” Kurt mumbled a bit louder, shaking the boy a little as he himself began to sit up. “Hey, Blaine,” he said, high voice revealing his slight panic as he used both hands to shake the boy. Blaine thrashed his body in response, flinging his arms and legs every which way, whimpering as he did.

_Shit, shit. Please wake up._ Kurt got up on his knees as he tried to grab on to Blaine’s flailing limbs. Blaine had always woken up upon Kurt’s first or second try, and the fact that Kurt was unable to wake him now caused his chest to tighten in a familiar response to his own panic. Panic that rose throughout him for a one purpose, and one purpose only. He had never had a panic attack out of fear for someone else, yet here he was, at the beginning stages of an attack because this boy, this boy that he loved, was thrashing around his bed and whimpering in fear, and he wouldn’t wake up. “Oh god, Blaine please,” he huffed out as he tried to wrestle his boyfriend. “Please,” he whimpered as he attempted to suck in a few deep breaths.

“Fuck, Kurt. Can’t you be normal fucking human?” he chastised himself aloud as he let his eyes fall shut temporarily, trying to regain a normal breathing rhythm. He was scared, but he was also pissed off. He was pissed off that he so easily turned into a panicking mess at the smallest things. He was pissed that he was unable to control himself, and instead was already turning into a complete wreck, while his boyfriend lay on his bed obviously trapped in a nightmare, body jerking in every direction as he let out sobs and whimpers, tears coursing down his cheeks. He couldn’t understand why he was unable to be strong in moments like this.

“Shit, shit, um –“ he stuttered as his eyes opened once again. He reached out and grabbed at Blaine’s wrists as he sucked in deep breaths, trying to replace the oxygen that his body had lost. “Blaine,” he choked, hands finally clasping around Blaine’s wrists and pinning them above his head. He moved to straddle the boy’s waist, causing his movements from waist up to cease. “Blaine, wake up!” he shouted, gasping for breath, eyes falling shut as Blaine’s shot open.

“Kurt?” he asked in a panic.

Kurt opened his eyes once again, finding Blaine before nodding. “I’m here,” he said between short breaths. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Here,” Blaine whispered, holding out a glass of water as he sat on the bed, eyes scanning over Kurt who sat with his legs pulled in to his chest, his forehead resting on his knees.

Kurt looked up and gave Blaine a grateful smile before taking the glass and sipping the water. “Thank you,” he said softly, setting the glass down on the night table next to the bed.

Blaine nodded as he wedged his lip between his teeth, dropping his gaze from Kurt’s stare down to his twiddling thumbs. “Blaine?” Kurt questioned, unsure of what could be running through the boy’s head. “Hey, look at me,” Kurt requested, reaching out to press his hand to Blaine’s chin and tilt the boy’s head up so that they could make eye contact. “What’s going on?” Kurt asked, voice soft as he spotted the glossy look of Blaine’s eyes.

“I – I…it’s nothing.” Blaine shook his head as he blinked rapidly to clear his eyes of unshed tears. “I just…I didn’t mean –“ he trailed off, once again biting his lip.

“Didn’t what?” Kurt asked as he dropped his hand to clasp Blaine’s, which sat in Blaine’s lap.

“I didn’t mean to make you…I’ve never wanted to be the cause of one of your attacks,” Blaine confessed, eyes closing in order to avoid seeing Kurt’s reaction. “I’m sorry.”

Blaine had vowed to try his best to not be a reason for one of Kurt’s anxiety attacks. He had seen enough to know that they wore Kurt out, both physically and emotionally, and Blaine wasn’t about to be the one to evoke that kind of response from Kurt. He knew that throughout their relationship they would both say or do things that could possibly hurt the other, but he refused to be the one bringing enough stress upon Kurt that it would cause him to have a panic attack.

“Hey,” Kurt shook his head, eyes boring into Blaine’s, hoping that he could show every emotion that he was feeling. “You. Did. Nothing,” he said firmly. “I just wanted you to wake up, and you weren’t. You were crying and flailing, and I just couldn’t stand seeing you like that any longer, but you just wouldn’t wake up,” Kurt tried to explain. “It’s not your fault, Blaine.”

Blaine nodded, letting his eyes fall to their interlocked fingers. He wasn’t sure that he agreed with Kurt, but he wasn’t going to protest, not if it meant making Kurt upset again. “Okay,” he whispered.

They sat in silence for a few moments, Blaine staring at their hands as Kurt ran his thumb softly over Blaine’s knuckles in attempt to comfort the boy.

“Can we talk about it yet?” Kurt finally asked causing Blaine to look up at him in confusion.

“Talk about what?”

“The dreams,” Kurt answered, tightening his grip on Blaine’s hand as if afraid the boy would bolt.

“Oh, uh…” Blaine muttered, brow furrowing as he mulled over how to answer Kurt.

“Please,” Kurt whispered. “They keep getting worse, and I want to help, Blaine, but I don’t know how because I don’t know what’s happening. Please, let me help,” Kurt pleaded, eyes searching Blaine’s, as if the answers were hidden in the whiskey color.

“They, um…my dad,” Blaine choked out. His throat began to tighten as he swallowed thickly. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Kurt to know. Hell, he must know at least a small amount of it, considering Blaine’s father’s behavior during Thanksgiving, but he knew that telling Kurt would bring up emotions that he had managed to hide in the depths of his soul. Emotions that he kept under wraps at all costs.

He took a deep stuttering breath before continuing, “When I came out…well let’s just say they my dad was more than angry. He couldn’t believe that he could have raised a ‘fag of a son,’ and he refused to accept it. You heard him over Thanksgiving, he’s always been convinced that it was a phase, and at first, I let that go. But after numerous fights, I got sick of hearing him tell me that it was a phase and that I needed to get over it, so I started fighting back,” Blaine explained, swallowing once again and blinking a few times to keep his tears at bay. “I –he hadn’t ever been a violent person. He’d never laid a hand on me until –“ Blaine paused, closing his eyes as he willed his tears not to fall. “After the first time, it became normal in our fights…for him to…hit me.” He could hear Kurt’s sharp intake of breath and felt his grip tighten around his hand. He knew the look that he was receiving. It was the same one that he received when he told anyone about his father’s abuse, but for some reason it was one that he didn’t want to see from Kurt. He didn’t want this boy that he had fallen in love with to look at him like he was something broken, like he needed to be repaired. He also didn’t want this to change them.

“There was one day where he pushed it a little too far, and after he had stalked off to his study, my mom had begged me to leave. She gave me the emergency credit card and told me to go, because she couldn’t watch him continue to hurt me.”

“I – why didn’t you tell anybody?” Kurt finally asked, trying his best not to baby Blaine. He knew what it felt like when someone looked at you like you were a puppy who had just been kicked. He knew how it felt to receive the looks of pity, and he knew how it made him feel, and he didn’t want to do that to Blaine.

“He wasn’t hurting her,” Blaine whispered. “I didn’t want to tell anybody and have him take it out on my mom, so I figured that as long as I took it, she was safe.”

“Oh, Blaine,” Kurt breathed. Blaine wedged his lip between his teeth before letting his eyes fall open to finally look at Kurt. Kurt, who wasn’t looking at him like he was broken, but instead looking at him with something of pride and admiration. “You didn’t deserve any of that, but you’re so brave. The fact that you did it all to protect her, I…I couldn’t have done that.”

Blaine let out a breath that he had been unaware he was holding, letting a few tears slip past his eyes as he stared into Kurt’s ocean blues. “She means everything to me, I couldn’t let him hurt her.”

Kurt shook his head, eyes tracing the facial features of the boy in front of him.  “How are you even real?” he whispered, a soft smile coming across his lips when Blaine frowned in confusion. “You’re just…you’re amazing, you know?”

Blaine let out a breathy chuckle, squeezing Kurt’s hand as he smiled. “Thanks.”

“No seriously. You’re…incredible really.” Kurt affirmed before letting go of Blaine’s hand and shuffling to lay back in the bed. “Come on, let’s try and get you a few more hours of sleep before your morning class. What do you say?” he asked as he held his arms out for Blaine.

Blaine bit the inside of his cheek before nodding and moving to lay down, resting his head against Kurt’s chest.

“Thank you,” Blaine breathed as he began to trace random patterns against Kurt’s chest.

“For?” Kurt questioned as he moved to rest his hand on Blaine’s waist.

“For being here, for not looking at me like I was broken,” Blaine explained as he tilted his head to look up at Kurt.

“You’re anything but broken,” Kurt shook his head, leaning to press a kiss to Blaine’s forehead. “You’re so incredibly strong.”

“And you lie, but thank you,” Blaine joked, grinning softly at Kurt. “I’m not strong, but I push through,” he corrected.

“How about we agree to disagree?” Kurt asked, causing Blaine to chuckle in response, and in that moment Kurt felt like he had succeeded. He was able to make Blaine laugh, and at that very second, it seemed to be enough.

“God, I love you,” Blaine said through his laughter, before kissing Kurt’s chest. 

“Well, I’m glad, seeing as I love you as well,” Kurt teased back. “Sleep, baby.”

“Mm, okay. But don’t go anywhere,” Blaine whispered as he nuzzled back into Kurt’s chest.

“Never.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody!! First of all, let me start of by apologizing for taking so long with this chapter! Along with around 4,000 words came some stress, possibly some tears, and a lot of planning. But it’s here! It’s finally here, and ready for all of you to read!   
> I will prewar you all, this is not the happiest of chapters, and it leaves off in a way that you might not all like so much, but know that I will never end a story if the boys are in an unhappy situation, at least with each other. So, fear not! Good things will come, eventually!   
> Without further ado, here is chapter 15.   
> -B

“Please,” Blaine whined with a pout as he looked up at the boy with his best puppy dog eyes. “You’ve been so busy lately and you have tomorrow off, let’s go have some fun,” he added, hoping that his boyfriend would take the bait.

“No, no, put the eyes away,” Kurt scolded as he averted his gaze from Blaine’s. Blaine knew how quickly Kurt would cave if faced with Blaine’s gorgeous hazel eyes, wide and pleading. “I hate clubs, Blaine. I hate them.” His love for clubs had abruptly disappeared around the time that the man sitting in front of him had entered his life.

“But, you _love_ me, and I want to go out and have fun dancing with my friends and my boyfriend,” Blaine tried, reaching out with both hands, setting them firmly on either side of Kurt’s face, forcing the boy to look at him. “Rachel, Mercedes, and Tina all have been begging you to go out for weeks, and you’ve been too busy to do anything. You owe it to them to go out at least this once.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh. “I hate you. All of you,” he mumbled before grudgingly standing up from his spot on the couch and making his way to Blaine’s bedroom, leaving the other boy to do a small victory dance in his wake. 

“Stop dancing, fool. You didn’t win,” Kurt called over his shoulder, eliciting a chuckle from Blaine as he followed Kurt down the hallway.

“I totally did,” Blaine beamed as he flopped on to the bed, watching as Kurt began to muddle through his closet. “You do understand that my clothes don’t fit you, right?” he asked, confused.

Kurt shook his head and quirked a brow, “I know, that’s why I’m not looking at your clothes,” he said simply as he held up a charcoal Henley that was clearly not Blaine’s.

“I – you have clothes here?” Blaine asked, happily surprised, the idea of Kurt’s stuff mixed in with his causing warmth to flood through his body.

“How else do you think I can come here wearing one thing and walk out wearing another?” Kurt laughed, his laugh fading out when Blaine continued to sit, staring wide eyed back at him. “Shit, that’s okay, right? I didn’t mean to overstep or anything, I just thought it would be easier to leave some things here instead of constantly packing them back and forth between our places,” Kurt rambled as panic rose within him.

Blaine blinked a few times before rising from the bed and walking towards his flustered  boyfriend, slowly smiling as he approached him. “Hey,” he whispered and set his hands on Kurt’s hips, causing Kurt’s eyes to settle on his own hazel ones. He leaned in, brushing his lips softly against Kurt’s, grinning into the kiss when he began to feel the tension seep out of Kurt’s body.  He pressed another chaste kiss to Kurt’s lips before pulling back, grin still set firmly in place.

When Blaine opened his mouth to speak, Kurt pressed a finger lightly to Blaine’s lips. “I know, me too,” he whispered. He didn’t need Blaine to say the words out loud to know. He could see the love every time he looked in to Blaine’s gorgeous golden eyes. He could see it in the beautiful smiles that he was met with upon arriving home from work. But most of all he could see it in the still, quiet moments, in which they sat cuddled on the couch or bed, listening to the steady beating of their hearts as peacefulness washed over them

“Go finish getting ready so that I can do the same, you goof.” Kurt said softly, pushing Blaine lightly on the shoulder. Blaine pouted for a second before sighing and doing as he was told, dropping a soft kiss to Kurt’s shoulder as he left the small confines of the closet.

They were ready in record time, thanks to Kurt having worked that day and therefore already having his hair styled and ready to go.

“I’m impressed Mr. Hummel, this is the least amount of layers I think I have ever seen you leave the house in,” Blaine observed as Kurt walked out of the bedroom in black skinny jeans that hugged his figure in all the right places, and the charcoal Henley that he had shown Blaine earlier.

“Clubs are hot and sticky, and layers would just be a nuisance. I’d take them all off eventually, and that’s just one more thing to remember to take home,” Kurt explained with a shrug as he started lacing up his classic high-top Converse.

“Is Kurt Hummel going casual?” Blaine asked, feigning shock as he looked his boyfriend up and down appreciatively.

“Shut up, get your shoes on.” Kurt rolled his eyes and shoved Blaine’s own Converse his way.

Blaine chuckled before slipping his shoes on, grabbing their coats, and leading Kurt out of the apartment, lacing their fingers together as they made their way to the club.

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Why are we going here?” Kurt asked, eyes widening as the all too familiar club came into view. It was a place that he had visited frequently before Blaine came along, and he wasn’t sure what memories of the past might lie within.

“Because Mercedes gave me the choice, and I like this one.” Tina answered with a shrug of her shoulders before continuing to the club entrance.

Kurt worried his lip between his teeth, afraid that hidden behind the bouncer and through the doors were hints of the person that Kurt once was; a person that he wanted to forget, to let go of and move on. The old Kurt was a person he didn’t want to show his friends, and one that he definitely didn’t want Blaine to get a glimpse of out of fear that he might walk away after seeing Kurt differently.

“Hey, I know you hate these places, but it’ll be fine,” Blaine spoke softly as he placed his hand on Kurt’s back and began to rub soothing circles into it. 

Kurt swallowed thickly before nodding and following the girls through the doors and into the club. It was like stepping into another life completely as the florescent lights splashed upon his pale skin and the bass of the music flooded his body. It was a feeling that was both extremely familiar, yet completely foreign all at once.

“Hey Kurt,” Rachel said as she snapped her finger in front of his face, startling him out of the daze he had unknowingly been in.  

“Hm?” Kurt asked as he focused on the impatient looking brunette standing in front of him.

“Do you want a drink?” Rachel asked, shaking her head.

“Oh um, yeah. Yeah, sure,” he nodded as he shuffled towards where Blaine was now sitting at an open table. “Just um, the usual. Thanks,” he shouted after the girl as she made her way to the bar. Kurt inhaled sharply before continuing towards Blaine, sitting next to him at the table.

“Hey,” Blaine shouted over the music, reaching out to drop his hand over Kurt’s, which now rested on top of the table. “If you decide that you want to leave, we can leave. Okay?” he asked, causing Kurt to smile at him and nod, mouthing a ‘thank you.’

It wasn’t that Kurt didn’t want to spend time with his friends, he just didn’t want to spend it with them _here_. Here, where he could run in to any number of his past mistakes. Here, where there could be people who recognized him and decided to spill parts of the life that he had tried so hard to keep away from his friends. Here, where Kurt Hummel had once been a completely different person than the one he was now.

His thoughts were broken as a tall glass filled with brown liquid was placed in front of him, along with a shot glass containing some sort of clear liquor. “I only asked for the long island,” he stated as he looked over at Rachel who had sat down next to him.

“And I decided that you need more than that to loosen you up a little.” Rachel explained with a shrug. Kurt let out a sigh before taking the shot and pounding it back in order to please his best friend. He winced at the burn of the alcohol as it slid down his throat, placing the glass down on the table and rolling his eyes at Rachel who was now clapping in excitement next to him. “Calm down, it was one shot,” he murmured before turning to look at Blaine, who was smirking around the straw in his mouth.

“What?” Kurt asked, quirking a brow.

Blaine shook his head, his smirk growing as he did. “Nothing,” he shrugged. “You took that shot like a pro. I forgot that you were once a wild one,” Blaine explained as he let the straw drop out of his mouth and back into the glass he was holding. “Was kind of hot.”

“Oh whatever,” Kurt scoffed as his cheeks turned a deep shade of red.

“It was. More than kind of, actually,” Blaine shrugged once again before taking another sip of his drink. His lips brushing against Kurt’s cheek as he leaned into the boy. “Come dance with me.”

Kurt groaned in protest and shook his head. “I don’t wanna,” he objected, forcing himself to look down at his drink in order to avoid the puppy dog eyes that were most likely being directed at him.

“But Kurt,” Blaine whined as he pressed a few soft kisses to Kurt’s cheek. “Please? Just for a little bit?”

“You aren’t going to let this go until I agree, are you?” Kurt sighed, letting his eyes flicker towards the boy standing next to him. He was right, the puppy dog eyes were out. “Fine, fine. Let’s get this over with.”

 

 

 

**…**

 

 

Kurt wouldn’t admit that he was having fun, because that would make Blaine far too happy, but he was. His arms were wrapped around his boyfriend’s neck as they swayed their hips to the heavy bass of the music that flooded the open space. This was a completely different experience than Kurt had ever had. When he had come to clubs before, it was usually with the sole purpose of getting wasted and dancing with as many attractive guys at he possibly could, but not this time. This time it excited him to know that the large hands splayed on his waist belonged to a man that he was not only in love with, but one who loved him in return. It sent shivers shooting up his spine to feel Blaine’s thumbs softly stroke his sides as they moved to the beat of the music. He loved the idea that he would be leaving with a man that would be there with him the next morning, and the day after that, and hopefully for as long as possible. It filled him with a sense of… completion? Wholeness? Whatever it was, he absolutely loved it.

“Oh my god, Kurt?” A voice rose above the music, causing Kurt’s head to snap up from where it had been resting on Blaine’s shoulder.

_No, no, no, this is not happening._

Of course, the blissful moment of contentment that he had been immersed in just _had_ to be ruined. And it wasn’t only being ruined, but it was about to explode in to a million tiny little pieces.

Kurt’s eyes fell upon the brunette that had begun to approach them. He wedged his lip in between his teeth as he searched his mind for something to say, something that wouldn’t make the situation any more awkward than it needed to be.

“Hey, Chet,” Kurt said, voice flat as he pulled away the slightest bit from Blaine. “I—um, how are you?”

“Good, great! How about you?” Chet asked as he leaned between the two boys to hug Kurt, sufficiently prying Blaine’s arms away.

“Not bad,” Kurt nodded as he tried his best to wriggle out of the man’s grip. “This, um, this is Blaine,” Kurt said once Chet had broken the hug and stepped back a little. “My, uh, boyfriend.”

The laughter that rang out from Chet’s mouth caused Kurt to cringe slightly before looking over at Blaine who had schooled his features in to a neutral expression, not giving away any sign of what he was feeling.

“‘Kurt Hummel’ and ‘boyfriend’ don’t belong in the same sentence,” Chet managed to choke out between fits of laughter.

Kurt’s brows furrowed as he took another step away from Chet and towards Blaine, reaching his hand out to link his fingers with Blaine’s, the frown deepening when Blaine tucked his own hand into the pocket of his jeans before Kurt could grasp it.

“Well they do in this case,” Kurt shrugged as he looked back over at Chet. “We’ve been together for six months now,” he added, even though Chet probably could not care less. He felt the need to mention it, though, as if to defend their relationship to the man standing in front of them that didn’t know the first thing about them as a couple.

“Wow, I’m impressed Kurt. I knew that you had had relationships before, but then you had that big long spree of – “

“And that’s in my past,” Kurt said firmly, cutting the other man off.

“What is?” Blaine spoke up, suddenly interested in the details being shared between the two men that he was clearly unaware of.

Chet let out a low chuckle as he turned to face Blaine, who was standing with a quizzical look on his face. “Your boy here had a lot of fun for a good nine, maybe ten month spurt,” Chet explained, watching as Blaine’s jaw set, and his body became tense. “I don’t think I’ve seen a person go through so many guys in a week.”

“It was a stupid period of time that I’d rather not discuss any further, thanks,” Kurt snapped as he shot Chet a warning glare. It was true that Kurt hated one night stands with every fiber of his being, but when he had first begun to struggle with work and his panic attacks, he had decided to let all worries go and just have some fun. This had, unfortunately, led to eight months of fun that only stopped when he met Sebastian and they had started dating.

“Oh, how they mighty have fallen,” Chet shook his head. “I’ve gotta say, K, I’m a little disappointed that you’re tied down. Lord knows that you’re one of the best fucks I’ve had in a long time.”

“You’ve – “ Blaine stuttered, eyes narrowing as he looked back and forth between Chet and his boyfriend, whom, up until five minutes ago, he was sure he knew better than most people. He was apparently wrong.

“Oh of course,” Chet nodded, a devilish smirk spreading across his lips. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing. “What, five or six times I think, Kurt?”

“Chet,” Kurt growled through gritted teeth.

“No, let him talk.” Blaine tilted his head in curiosity as he watched Chet’s smirk widen.

“You’re a lucky man, Blaine. This one’s pretty good with his…package. I’m sure you know that though.”

But he didn’t, he didn’t know. The fact was that both of them had agreed that they wouldn’t jump into anything until both were ready. It wasn’t that they hadn’t wanted to go there, Blaine just wanted to be extra cautious, knowing that the entire idea of a relationship was still a shaky concept to Kurt. He hadn’t wanted to push anything.

“Yeah,” Blaine nodded before clenching his jaw shut. “I should really head home, I’ve got class in the morning,” he began as he turned towards Kurt, who was standing, nerves clearly raging throughout his body if the way in which he was aggressively biting at his bottom lip meant anything.

“Blaine –“

“No, you stay. Seems like you’ve had a lot of fun around here. Enjoy yourself,” Blaine snapped before turning his attention to Chet, who was still standing with a smirk set firmly on his face, knowing that he had won. “Take care of him for me, will you?”

“Oh of course,” Chet nodded, eyes roaming Kurt’s body and making him shiver with discomfort.

With a nod, Blaine turned and began shoving his way through the crowd and towards the exit, blindly pushing people out of his way as he feet took him far away as quickly as he possibly could. He needed _out._ The air in the building had suddenly felt non-existent, and he needed to breathe.

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Blaine!” the shout rang through the chilly spring night. Blaine shook his head and continued to walk through the empty streets just past the club that he had emerged from just moments before. “Blaine, wait!” the shout sounded again, but instead of stopping, the boy shoved his hands into his coat pockets and picked up his pace.

He hadn’t been sure what to expect when taking Kurt out. He clearly hadn’t considered the fact that Kurt used to be a frequent club goer, and therefore could have some secrets lying in the dark corners of the building. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting to come out of questioning Chet, but the answers that had fallen from his smirking lips had at first made his blood run cold, before heating rapidly to a steady boil. He wasn’t sure why he was angry; he and Kurt hadn’t been dating during that time. Kurt was allowed to see or…do whoever he pleased, but for some reason it made the jealousy spring up inside of him as if someone had knocked down the dam holding it back.

“Blaine!” he heard once again before a hand grabbed his arm, spinning him around until he came face to face with worried blue eyes.

“What?” he snapped, dropping his eyes to the small amount of pavement between their feet.

“What’s going on? Talk to me?” Kurt pleaded, reaching out his hand to touch Blaine’s arm, inhaling sharply when Blaine took a step away.

“What’s going on? What the fuck is going on?” Blaine asked as his head snapped up, fiery gold meeting fearful blue. “I don’t know, other than the fact that I just found out that my boyfriend fucked half the club back there,”

“I didn’t fuck half the –“

“It doesn’t matter how many you actually fucked, Kurt!” Blaine shouted as he clenched his eyes shut. He shouldn’t be this angry…he didn’t have the right to be this angry. “I knew that you went out a lot, but I didn’t know that you –“

“It’s not something that I’m proud of, okay?” Kurt cut him off, voice scratchy with emotion. “I hate that it happened. I hate that there are at least a dozen, if not more, clubs that I could walk in to in this goddamn city in which someone might recognize me as some man whore.”

“A dozen… Jesus, Kurt,” Blaine repeated, with a shake of his head. “Am I like, not good enough?” Blaine asked suddenly.

“What?! Of course not, why would you think that?”

“We’ve been together for six fucking months Kurt, and any time we progress past making out you freak out and stop everything. Is it me? Am I not up to your standards?”

“Blaine –“

“No, you know what? I just…I need some time.” Blaine shook his head as he began to back away. “I’m sorry that this bothers me as much as it does. I understand that it shouldn’t because it happened before me, before us…but it does, and I can’t turn it off, Kurt. I just can’t,” he explained as he continued walking away. “Just, I need some time to wrap my head around this. If this is going to work, if we are going to make it, than I need to be able to think about this and learn how to deal with it, because it’s clearly not something that is going to go away any time soon.”

“You know that the person Chet was telling you about…he’s not me. Not anymore, at least. You know that, right?” Kurt asked as he tried his best to blink away the pools of tears that had begun to gather in his eyes. This felt a lot like a goodbye, even if Blaine wasn’t saying the words.

“I think so, but I need time, okay? Just give me that.” Blaine nodded, letting his eyes find Kurt’s once more. “Can I ask…Chet said that Kurt Hummel and boyfriend weren’t words that fit in the same sentence… why?”

“Because, after Sebastian left I had sworn off all relationships. I didn’t believe in love.” Kurt explained. “But now… I love you, you know, that, right? You have to believe me when I say that.”

“I – I know,” Blaine stuttered as he nodded. “I, um, I’ll call you, okay?” he asked before turning around and walking away, not waiting for an answer from the devastated boy as he quickly retreated from the scene.

 

 

**…**

 

 

He was being stupid. He was sure of that much. He didn’t need to be upset by Kurt’s past, because Kurt’s past wasn’t Kurt’s present. Kurt was with him now. _They_ were the present. They were together, and Kurt loved him…at least Blaine thought that he did. He did. He does.

Blaine sighed and rolled onto his side, pulling his duvet cover up to his chin as his eyes fell on the bright red glow of his alarm clock. _3:14am._ He had been lying wide awake in bed for five hours now,  and had yet to sleep for any amount of time. He wasn’t sure why exactly the events of the evening had riled him up as much as they had, but he couldn’t get the thought of Kurt and Chet…together...out of his mind. It played through his head on a consistent loop.

He had been with other guys, and he knew that, but the way in which Chet had explained Kurt’s ‘phase’ – if you could call it that – Kurt had been with more than a few other guys, and most of them had sounded like careless flings. There was something about that that didn’t quite sit right with Blaine.

Pulling his phone off of his night table he opened up a new message to Kurt, biting his bottom lip as he typed out a message that he hadn’t ever planned to write. A message that, upon reading the words written out for him to see, tore at his heart, clenching it tightly and causing him an unexpected pain. He continued to type, tears threatening to fall. He knew that they hadn’t been together long, but he had let himself dream and think…he was sure that this could have been it for him. That Kurt could have been it for him. But he wasn’t sure if he could work through Kurt’s past, and maybe that made him a horrible, selfish person, but he was taking the coward’s way out.

It wasn’t that he didn’t love Kurt enough to try, because god, he loved that man with every fiber of his being. He, however, knew that he would have to work hard to get through the doubts that now seemed to creep up within him at the realization that Kurt had many people to compare him to, and the idea that maybe Blaine just wouldn’t measure up was too great within his mind to get let go. He knew that working through it could bring about fighting that Kurt didn’t need to deal with. He didn’t need Kurt’s attacks to increase because he couldn’t get his head out of his ass over this subject, and so in his mind, this was the only way.

_There was that saying, right? About something coming back to you if it’s meant to be yours… yeah, “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.”_

So maybe this would work out, maybe they could figure this out in time, but until then… Blaine sighed and hit the send button before turning off his phone and setting it down on the nightstand before going back to lying wide awake in bed, hoping for sleep to come.

_Kurt,_

_First of all, I’m sorry for how the evening turned out. It’s not how I imagined things going, and I’m sorry for leaving things on such shaky ground._

_I think that maybe we need to take some time apart. I know that I have no reason to be jealous of your past… honestly, I don’t even know why it bothers me the way that it does, but it does, and it’s something that I need to deal with on my own. You have so many things going on in your own world, and the last thing that you need is to be worrying about me and my stupid jealousy issues, and so I think that maybe the best way to deal with this is on my own. You can focus on yourself and your work then, and maybe with some time apart you will be able to reevaluate this…us, and make sure that this is something that you truly want._

_I think that maybe we have just moved a little fast, and I am more than willing to accept that it’s mostly my fault that we did. You said that you wanted to be friends, and I couldn’t just be content with that answer. I had to push for more. I should have let us progress at a speed that you were comfortable with instead of pushing for more so soon. I love you, Kurt. I promise you that I never once lied about that. I do love you, and so maybe after some time apart we can come back and take a look at the things that we want, but I feel like at this moment, we need to be apart, even though it kills me to think of not being able to be around you every day. I need to work on me, and maybe you’ll find that you need to focus on yourself for once, and so with saying that, I think that this is the best decision for us._

_Until then…_

_I love you, with everything in me._

_Yours, no matter where we are or what we’re doing,_

_Blaine._


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovely people! First of all, I would like to apologize for the lengthy amount of time in between updates. Christmas was pretty insane around here, and I had a hard time writing this chapter! I wanted it to be one that was carefully thought out, and not rushed. I wanted it to properly convey the boys’ feelings, and I didn’t want anything to seem odd or out of character. So, it was a tough chapter to write!  
> Also, I would like to thank the amazing BeautifulUnseen for all of her amazing help with this story, and also a huge thanks to Lil for her constant support!  
> But alas! It’s here! I hope you all enjoy it, and I want to thank you all for your continued support with this story! It means the absolute world to me!

Scientific fact: The human heart beats between 60-100 times per minute. It beats 1-3 times per second, sending blood pumping through one’s veins; bringing them life. Until it doesn’t. The human heart beats roughly 60-100 times per minute until it stops. Until it stutters to a halt and leaves one lifeless. Kurt would know. The moment his eyes had finished reading over the words that sprawled across his phone screen, he could have sworn that his heart stopped beating; his blood had stopped flowing, and his body had become limp and lifeless.

After reading Blaine’s message he had gone in to utter shock, leading to a panic attack that had taken longer than usual to subside. It had taken him a good portion of the past hour to get his breathing back to normal, and as soon as he had, he had picked up his phone and tried to type out a response.

 

**_I don’t understand…_ **

_Nope. Try again._

 

**_Can’t we try and work through this together?_ **

_No._

 

**_Please don’t leave. I need you._ **

_Needy much?_

**_I love you… stay_ **

****

Kurt sighed in frustration as he once again erased the words from his phone, angrily chucking the piece of metal across the room as he tried to blink back the hot tears that spilled down his face.

How does one respond to that kind of message? How does one portray the million emotions that course through their body upon reading those words? They don’t, and that would be why his phone was now on the ground, screen probably shattered. Because he was unable to put into words the jumble of emotions that he had gone through in the few hours that had passed since receiving Blaine’s message.

Kurt flopped back onto the bed with a frustrated groan as he dug the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying his best to stop the flow of hot liquid that poured out of them. The feeling of hopelessness had begun to settle in his chest. The feeling that there was no way to come back from this.

 

 

**…**

 

**_Two weeks later…_ **

Kurt hadn’t slept that night. Hell, he hadn’t slept properly in the past two weeks. Thoughts continually raced throughout his mind, often sending him into a spiral of panic that prevented him from getting more than a few hours of sleep at a time.

He was being stupid, or at least that’s what he continued to tell himself. He should be tougher than this. But, instead he lies, a puddle of emotions, on top of his comforter.

He had never experienced the type of pain that currently radiated through his body. It was numbing, but achy at the same time. It was ever present, all consuming, throbbing through his every nerve. The pain was similar to the feelings brought on when other people had left his life just as abruptly, but there was something different about this time. Kurt was more than aware as to what the difference was. The pain running through his blood was different entirely, because this time it wasn’t just some guy walking away from him yet again. This time it was a man that Kurt had come to be completely in love with, despite the short time he had known him.

Blaine was the difference.

“Kurt?” Rachel’s voice rang into the room, soft and careful. “Hey, I made some breakfast if you want any.”

Kurt shook his head and rolled on to his side to face away from his best friend.

“Kurt, you need to eat something. You haven’t eaten more than a piece of toast every morning, and that’s only because I force you to.”

“Not hungry,” Kurt mumbled as he pulled his comforter up to his chin.

“Please, Kurt. At least eat a little bit. This isn’t healthy,” Rachel pleaded, the weight of her tiny frame sitting on the edge of the bed jostling him slightly.

“I’m not hungry, Rachel,” he snapped, yanking harder at his blanket as he did.

“Right, okay. Um, I’m outside if you need me,” Rachel sighed as she got up and walked towards the door.

“Rach?” Kurt said softly, sitting up to look at the girl who whirled around instantly at the sound of his voice.

“Hm?” she asked. Kurt let his eyes snap shut at the hint of hope and excitement in her voice, hating that he had let her get to the point that just the idea of him speaking to her at this point made her excited.

“What did you make?” he asked quietly as he moved to get out of the bed, watching her eyes widen.

“I um, made eggs and hash browns.” She answered, trying her best to school her expression into a neutral one, but struggling to hide the smile that twitched at the corner of her lips.

“It sounds great. I can’t promise that I’ll eat much, but…I’ll try, okay?” he nodded as he began to walk towards the girl, who was no longer trying to conceal her smile, but instead bouncing slightly on her heels.

“Okay,” she nodded in agreement as she made her way out of the bedroom and towards the kitchen, Kurt trailing closely behind her.

“Hey, Rach?” he said when they reached the kitchen, watching as Rachel once again quickly spun around to face him, tilting her head as she waited for him to continue. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, voice catching slightly. “You – you deserve to be treated so much better than I have been treating you over the past two weeks, and I’m just –” he paused, taking a deep breath as he tried to blink back the few tears that had begun to pool in his eyes. He hated that he had treated the only person who had really tried to help him over the past two weeks. Sure, a few of his friends had come in to try to talk to him, but Rachel had been the only one who had pushed him to eat, or even get out of bed for a bit. She had been worried about his health constantly, and about the way that he was treating himself, had not even once asked him to talk about what had happened, and he had been a complete nightmare in return. “– just thank you.”

“Oh sweetie,” Rachel breathed before throwing her arms around the boy, hugging him close, causing him to smile and wrap his arms around her small frame. “Anytime, honestly Kurt. You’re my best friend, I’d do anything for you,” she whispered back, causing the boy to let out a small laugh as a few stray tears fell down his cheeks.

He loved that no matter how rough and tough the girl acted around everyone else, she constantly let him see this soft caring side of Rachel Berry. Sure, she was a caring person with her friends, but not in the way she was with him, and he would forever be grateful for it.

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Are you ready to talk about it yet?” Rachel asked as the ending credits of Les Misérables appeared on the TV screen.

“About?” Kurt asked feigning confusion.

Rachel gave him a pointed look, “Don’t play dumb with me. I’ve been avoiding the subject for two weeks for your comfort, but you’ve gotta let me in at some point Kurt.”

“I know,” Kurt sighed as he slumped further into the couch. “What exactly do you want to know?”

“Anything, everything. Whatever you want to tell me, Kurt.”

Kurt nodded, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before opening them, beginning to tell Rachel the details of the night that he had spent the last two weeks trying, but failing to forget.

“So, you didn’t text him back?” Rachel asked when Kurt concluded the story.

He shook his head, “I couldn’t. What do you say back to that, Rach?” he asked as he looked down at his hands that rested in his lap. “I’m sorry that my past makes you uncomfortable, but I need you, so can you get over that and stay? Pretty please, with a cherry on top? No.”

“Well, maybe not that. But you could have asked to talk or something,” she shrugged.

“No, he said that he wanted time apart, and that he needed to do this alone. As much as I wanted to beg him to let me in, and to talk to me, I couldn’t. I need to respect what he wants Rach.”

“Has he said anything since?” Rachel asked curiously, as she shifted to face the boy a bit better.

“Nothing,” Kurt shook his head as he bit his lip and looked back up at the girl.

Rachel reached over, taking his hand in hers, and began to stroke her thumb over his soothingly. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

 “No, Rach. I honestly don’t believe that he’s coming back,” he spat, snapping his jaw shut as soon as the words had left his mouth. He hadn’t let himself dare to consider that Blaine might be gone for good. He had spent the past two weeks hoping, and hurting because of the slight doubt that had come with hoping. But, not once had he fully considered that maybe Blaine’s silence had been the answer all along, that he wasn’t coming back. “He’s not coming back,” Kurt breathed, as he let the realization come over him, bringing on a new wave of hurt.

He had spent the entire past two weeks hoping that things would work out, and stressing about how he was going to fix everything, and that alone had hurt. It had hurt that he was unable to talk to Blaine, or to pass ideas by him. He had been hurting because Blaine was not there, but, not once had he hurt because he knew for sure that Blaine wasn’t coming back. But now his body ached with a new kind of pain. The pain that one feels when something good leaves them. Blaine was gone, and the realization itself slammed into his chest, knocking his breath away completely.

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Dude, what the actual hell?” a voice shouted as a pillow hit Blaine’s head, which had previously been resting peacefully on his pillow, causing the boy to groan in response from his spot buried beneath the covers of his bed.

“Fuck off, Sam,” he snapped as he shifted to pull the pillow over his head.

“No, no way,” Sam said as he sat down on the edge of Blaine’s bed, moving to take the pillow away. “I paid good money to fly to this overcrowded city – that yes, is absolutely amazing – just to try and get my best friend to take his lazy ass, find the shower, and then head out in to the much-needed outdoors,” Sam explained as he shook his friend a little. “Dude, this isn’t healthy. And the fact that Rachel Berry called me to let me know that you hadn’t left your apartment in two weeks means that you have officially reached crisis mode.”

“I haven’t reached crisis mode, I just want to sleep,” Blaine shot back as he opened one eye to glare at his friend. “I’m absolutely, completely, perfectly fine. You can leave now.”

Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head as he fixed his best friend with a look. “Did you not hear my statement about paying good money to fly here? I’m not leaving.”

Blaine groaned as he sat up, fixing a stern glare on his best friend. “Rachel called you?”

“She did.”

“And she told you that I hadn’t left my apartment?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Well she lied,” Blaine rolled his eyes as he moved to get out of the bed.

Sam let out a disbelieving snort. “Really, because you look like ass, dude.”

“I’ve left the apartment, okay?” Blaine said defensively.

“Alright, tell me about your adventures in the real world, Mr. Defensive.”

Blaine set his eyes into yet another glare before walking around his bed and grabbing his towel. “I went to the…um…grocery store last week,” he said lamely, walking out of the room and towards the bathroom, leaving Sam to follow him.

“Oh wow, what an adventure that must have been,” Sam retorted, jogging to catch up to his friend. “What about work?” he asked curiously.

Blaine huffed a sigh of annoyance, turning to face Sam before leaning against the door leading to the bathroom. “I took a day off last week, but other than that I’ve been going to class and work, as per usual. I told you, I’ve left the house.”

“Well at least one of you is slightly less stupid than the other,” Sam nodded, as he mimicked Blaine’s position, leaning against the wall.

“What?” Blaine frowned in confusion.

Sam’s eyes widened slightly as he shook his head. “Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“He’s not going to work?”

“He…no, he hasn’t been to work,” Sam caved. “But Rachel and Tina have a plan, he’ll be just fine,” he added quickly, hoping that Blaine would let it go,

“Has he left the house?” Blaine asked, voice distant and quiet.

Sam shook his head, knowing that he’d have to answer the question eventually. “No,” he said, voice soft as he looked over his friend.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” Blaine announced, quickly sliding into the bathroom. He leaned heavily against the door as soon as it shut, letting his head fall backwards with a loud thump as he let the words wash over him.

“Dude,” Sam’s voice came from behind the closed door, startling him slightly.

“Yeah?” he asked quietly.

“Go see him. Or go talk to Rachel or something. I know that you need time, and that’s cool and all, but at least give him something. Whether it’s to let him know that you can’t continue in the relationship, or the other way around, give him something to ease his mind a little, okay?”

Blaine let out another sigh as he nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

 

 

**…**

 

 

Blaine lifted his knuckles and knocked lightly on the familiar door, taking a deep breath as he waited for someone to answer.

“Hel –“ Rachel said, but stopped when her eyes landed on him, quickly shoving him back in to the hallway before following him out, closing the door behind him. “What are you doing here?” she asked softly.

“I, um… how is he? Sam said that he hadn’t been to work or out of the apartment really.”

“He hasn’t,” Rachel confirmed. “How are you?”

Blaine’s eyes softened at the concern of his friend. He had expected Rachel Berry to be a raging little bundle upon seeing him, considering that she was Kurt’s best friend, and he was beyond grateful that instead, she was concerned about him. “I’m okay,” he shrugged, spouting off the answer that he had been giving anyone who had asked in the past two weeks.

“I don’t believe you, but alright.”

“Is he okay?”

“What do you think?” she asked, looking back at the door briefly. “He did come out of his room for breakfast this morning, and he’s been watching movies with me since, so he’s better, but not great.”

“Rachel, I didn’t mean for – “

“I know you didn’t.” Rachel cut him off, reaching out to squeeze his arm lightly. “I’ve seen the way that you look at him, I know that you didn’t mean to hurt him like this. Things just happened, there was no avoiding this. You’ve got things that you need to figure out, and that’s what you were thinking about when this all happened. So, don’t apologize to me, or explain yourself, because I know that it wasn’t intentional.” She nodded. “He, however, has come to the conclusion that your silence means that you aren’t coming back, so if you can handle it, you should talk to him.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Blaine shook his head.

“Please, just let him know what’s going on, okay? He needs something, anything. And, maybe you do too. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation, just… try, for him.”

“I’m coming back.” Blaine said firmly, as he looked up at the girl. Blaine was convinced of his words as he stared into Rachel’s concerned eyes. He hadn’t completely made a decision until he had spoken the words out loud. Seeing Rachel, realizing how close he was to Kurt in that moment, made him realize that although he still had some things to work out with himself, that he didn’t want to see his world without Kurt in it.  “In my message, I told him that we could reevaluate everything once I had come to terms with everything and see if a relationship is what we still wanted, but I am coming back. I couldn’t ever just leave him, so as long as he’s willing to take me back, I will be coming back,” he informed her before moving around her to open the door once again.

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Hey Rach, who was at the –“ Kurt stopped abruptly as his eyes met golden hazel ones. Eyes that stared back at him with a mixture of joy, concern, and love behind them. Eyes that bore dark patched below them, showing Kurt the amount of sleep that Blaine had lost as well. Eyes that not only conveyed relief, but the pain that the other boy had clearly also been going through.

“Hi,” Blaine said softly as he slowly made his way in to the living room.  “Rachel, um, let me in. She said she had an errand to run quickly,” he explained as he sat on the opposite end of the couch from Kurt.

“What – what are you doing here?” Kurt stuttered, as he continued to watch Blaine wide eyed.

“Someone told me that you weren’t doing so great. They said you haven’t gone to work in a while.”

“Yeah well Rachel needs to learn how to keep her mouth shut,” Kurt snapped as he crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

“It wasn’t Rachel, actually, it was Sam. He flew from Lima this morning and is staying at my place,” Blaine explained with a small shrug. “That’s not the point though, you’ve gotta go back, Kurt.”

Kurt let his eyes fall shut as his name rolled effortlessly off of the boy’s lips. He had wanted – had been aching – to hear his name spoken by Blaine over the past few weeks. Kurt shook his head as his eyes opened once again. “I don’t remember you being the boss of me,” he spat trying his best to control the emotions that were now flooding his body.

Blaine sighed in frustration. “Please, don’t do this. Not now.”

“Do what?”

“Act like Mr. Tough guy, just because people have pointed out that you haven’t been doing so good. You are allowed to feel, Kurt. That doesn’t make you weak.”

“I’ve been fine.” Kurt said as he sat up slightly.

“You realize that it’s me you’re talking to, right?” Blaine asked, causing Kurt to frown in confusion. “I know you, Kurt. You haven’t been fine, and I’d be able to tell even if Rachel hadn’t told me before. I know you. You haven’t been okay, neither of us have, and that’s my fault, I know.”

“Why are you here?” Kurt asked, voice small and emotion filled.

Blaine took a deep breath as he moved a little closer to Kurt. “Because, I need to make sure that you’re okay, or that you’re going to be okay. I told you that I needed time, and I still do, but in the meantime, I need you to go to work. I need you to go and spend time with friends, and continue to live life. I need you to try and do things that you love doing, and try to be happy, okay? Don’t let yourself stay here, cooped up and upset. Rachel said that you haven’t been eating, and you need to, Kurt. I need you to stay healthy.”

“Why do you care?” Kurt mumbled quietly, clearly trying to push past the tears that Blaine could see building up in his eyes, as he looked down at the floor.

“I love you, Kurt. Why wouldn’t I care?” Blaine shot back, causing Kurt’s head to snap up, blue eyes once again meeting hazel ones. “Just because I need time, doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I told you in my message that night, I love you, with everything in me. That hasn’t changed,” Blaine explained as he once again slid a little closer to Kurt, sighing in relief when Kurt didn’t try and move away. “Rachel said that you had let yourself believe that I wasn’t coming back, but I need you to know that that’s not true, okay? I need more time, to straighten things out in my head, but I’ll be back, okay? If you’ll have me, I’ll be back.”

Kurt frowned in confusion as his eyes flickered across Blaine’s face. Those words hadn’t been anything close to what he had been expecting to leave Blaine’s mouth. “But in your message –“

“Screw the message,” Blaine shook his head. “I know that I said we could revaluate, but I’m yours as long as you’ll have me. Just, give me a bit more time. I will be back, I promise.” Blaine added, watching as Kurt nodded. “So please, take care of yourself. Go back to work, try and let yourself have a bit of fun with your friends, do some things that you love, and I’ll be back here before you know it.” Blaine said as he moved to tilt Kurt’s chin up with his fingers. “Kurt?”

“Hm?”

“I love you, okay? I never stopped, and I don’t plan on stopping for as long as you’ll let me love you. Remember that,” he finished before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Kurt’s lips. They sat like that for a few minutes before Blaine pulled away, pressing one last kiss to Kurt’s forehead before getting up and making his way out of the apartment. Kurt watched as Blaine walked to the door and silently let it shut behind him, leaving the room in silence as Kurt moved to stare at the spot on the couch that Blaine had once occupied. He was confused, but hopeful. He lifted his hand to his lips, where they still tingled slightly from having Blaine’s on his. Thoughts flooded his mind as he tried his best to comprehend what had exactly just taken place, but six words stood out more than any others. _“I will be back, I promise.”_

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are my amazing readers! Chapter 17 at last! I have officially decided an end chapter for this story, and so after this chapter we have a total of seven chapters left.   
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter, it's a little shorter than others, but I think that it does it's job effectively!   
> A big thanks to BeautifulUnseen for helping make this look pretty, and to Lil for helping me out when I got stuck!  
> Sit back, relax and enjoy everyone!

There are 60 seconds in a minute, 3,600 seconds in an hour, 86,400 seconds in a day, and 604,800 seconds in a week. Seconds that build in to minutes, which build into hours, which build into days, and moments that shift the way one lives their life. Moments that build the way in which we experience life, or look at the world around us.

It had been three weeks since Blaine had gone to see Kurt. Three weeks that he had spent thinking, debating, figuring out how to push past everything. It had been three weeks since he had spoken to Kurt, and five weeks since their breakup, or whatever it could be called. Five weeks – 3,024,000 seconds of continuous thoughts and aching to go back to the way that things had been. 3,024,000 seconds without Kurt.

Blaine had been sure, upon making the decision, that a break was best for them. That a break would give him the time he needed to get past the stupid jealousy over the things that had happened in Kurt’s life before they had even met. The seconds, minutes, and weeks passed by, each mocking him, laughing about how utterly foolish he had been to even consider taking a break in the first place.

He couldn’t completely wrap his head around why he had suggested it so instantaneously at that time He should have gone home, thought over the events of the evening and sorted out exactly what he was uneasy about before going to Kurt and having a mature conversation about it. A break? How childish had that idea been?

“Dude, you’ve had the same look on your face for three weeks now,” Sam stated as he plopped onto the couch next to Blaine, who had been staring blankly at the wall.

“Hm?” he asked as he shook his head slightly in attempt to bring his attention back to the present.

Sam simply shook his head and reached out to grab the tv remote and flick through the different channels. Both men sat in silence for a few moments, Blaine lost back in his state of deep thought, and Sam trying to figure out exactly how to approach the conversation that he knew needed to happen. “Have you made a decision yet?” he asked curiously as he glanced at Blaine.

“I made a decision three weeks ago.” Blaine shrugged as he slumped further into the couch.

“Right, and that’s why you’ve continued to avoid him at every cost,” Sam snorted in disbelief.

Blaine shot him a glare before watching as Sam continued to channel surf absentmindedly. “I just – “

“Needed time. Yeah, we all know.”  Sam rolled his eyes. “Dude, either you want to work things out or you don’t, but this is getting a little ridiculous.”

“Tell me how you really feel, why don’t you?”

“I’m serious Blaine. It’s one thing to take time to think, but it’s another to take time, give the guy hope that you’ll be back soon, and then continue to take all of eternity to go talk to him again. You’re lucky Rachel convinced him to head back to work before he got fired because if he hadn’t, he’d be sitting at home ready to pull his hair out, because his ass of a – whatever the hell you are – couldn’t make up his damn mind,” Sam said firmly, shutting off the TV and turning to face his best friend. “Look, I love you, man. You’re like a brother to me, but Kurt’s my friend too. And for the sake of both of your sanity, make a decision.”

“I- yeah.” Blaine nodded, eyes falling to the floor. He knew what his decision was, and he had since he made up his mind upon seeing Kurt. There wasn’t a version of this life that he could envision living without Kurt. He had already let himself fall so hard, so quickly with this man, and he didn’t want to have to go through life without him. That hadn’t been what was holding him back; it had been the humiliation that he had felt about getting upset over the smallest thing. A thing that Kurt couldn’t change, no matter how badly he wanted to. Blaine felt completely idiotic for making Kurt feel even slightly bad for his past. Blaine took a deep breath as he continued, “I just… I know. I know that this is messed up, and I need to go and sit down and actually talk to him. I know. I guess I’ve just been putting it off because I realize how much of an idiot I’ve been.”

Sam chuckled and nodded. “I won’t disagree with you there.”

“Gee thanks, Sam.” Blaine rolled his eyes before chuckling slightly himself. “So, um, how long are you around for this time?” Blaine asked casually.

“Indefinitely,” Sam said, biting the inside of his cheek to stop the smile that was threatening to burst across his lips.

“You…what?!” Blaine asked, bouncing slightly in his spot as he turned to face his best friend. “I…you – but how? Why?”

“Well, as much as I loved teaching the New Directions, I figured that maybe it was time to do something else. So, I’m gonna take some music production classes as NYU. I was waiting until you were in a better mood to bring it up, but I was actually wondering if you needed a roommate?”

“Yes!” Blaine nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, yes, a million times over. Of course, you can move in here. Sam!”

“Calm down,” Sam chuckled. “It’s not like I’m not here all the time anyways.”

“This is different. We’ll be roommates!”

Sam huffed out a laugh at his overexcited best friend, now roommate. “You’re like an over excited puppy.”

“Am not, shut up.”

 

 

**…**

 

 

“Tell me about Blaine.”  The words echoed in the silence that had settled around the two for a few moments.

“No,” Kurt quickly shook his head. “He doesn’t have anything to do with what we’re supposed to be working on.” He added, hoping that with his explanation Jamie would drop the subject.

Kurt had been seeing Jamie for two weeks, twice a week and so far, he had felt like it had been helping him slightly. He hadn’t had any panic attacks since he had broken down five weeks prior upon reading Blaine’s text message that explained that he wanted to take some time apart. He had refused to go to counselling at first, but after Rachel’s constant nagging had finally gotten to him, he had agreed and had been coming ever since.

“But he does,” Jamie said pointedly as he gave him a look. “He may not be the cause of your anxiety, but from what you’ve said briefly about him before, I understand that he’s a big part of the ease you’ve had with it over the past few months.”

“Seven. Seven months,” Kurt corrected, eyes trailing to the floor.

Jamie nodded, shifting in her seat so that she could lean towards him slightly. “So, tell me about Blaine.”

“Well, he’s best friends with my good friend Sam. We met at a party. He’s attending NYU for – “

“That’s not what I mean,” Jamie interrupted, causing Kurt’s eyes to snap up to find hers, confusion swirling within his cerulean blues. “I mean, yes, you were telling me about Blaine, but I don’t want to know _about_ Blaine Anderson, I want to know about _your_ Blaine. I want to know who he is in your eyes, how you feel about him, and what he means to you.”

“That’s a loaded question,” Kurt grumbled as he huffed out a sigh and slouched slightly.

Jamie nodded in agreement. “It is, but it’s necessary.”

“How?” Kurt asked through narrowed eyes before shaking his head. “Never mind. Um, Blaine is…well, he’s everything I guess. He’s this gentle, carefree, kind human being. He’s kind of a ball of energy, which is nice, because it rubs off on you, you know? As cliché as it sounds, Blaine literally lights up the room when he walks in. He’s just so calming, yet he has this youthful energy to him that is amazing to be around. He’s crazy talented, and I love that he is so passionate in everything that he does, but especially in his music,” Kurt explained as he looked out towards the big window that spanned most of one of the walls in the office.

“He sounds pretty amazing,” Jamie nodded, a soft smile coming over her features.

“He is,” Kurt agreed. “Um, you said you wanted to know how he makes me feel. Well, he makes me feel safe. He makes me feel like no matter who I am, or the challenges that I struggle with personally, that I can conquer anything, because I’m stronger than I let myself think. He makes me feel like I’m special, like I’m this rare one of a kind human being, that nobody else can replicate no matter how hard they try. He makes me feel…loved.”

The shrill sound of a timer going off rang throughout the room, causing Kurt to jump slightly in his chair as his eyes flicked towards the object making the sound.  “Time’s up,” Jamie nodded as she shut the timer off. “But, I think that this week’s session went very well, and if you are comfortable with it, I think that we would be okay to switch to having one session a week instead of two.”

“Sounds great.” Kurt nodded. He didn’t hate counselling, but the fact that Jamie had suggested cutting down their sessions made him hopeful that maybe he was doing better than he had thought.

“See you next week, Kurt,” Jamie waved as Kurt stood and collected his bag. “Oh, and Kurt?” she asked, waiting until he turned to face her before continuing. “I think that maybe you should tell Blaine about counselling, and let him know how you’ve been. Maybe you need to be the one to make the first move this time.”

 

 

**…**

 

 

“I don’t understand Coop, why am I standing in front of this town house? It’s nice and all, but I don’t get it,” Blaine said as he stood in front of the tall house, phone clutched against his right ear as he waited for Cooper to explain why he had asked Blaine to come to this place.

“Just wait a second little brother, jeez, you’re an impatient thing,” Cooper replied, chuckling when Blaine grunted his response.

Blaine stood for a few moments staring at the place in front of him. Sure, it was a beautiful house, but that didn’t change the fact that he had no idea why he was standing there.

His eyes moved to the front door as it was yanked open, and he stood up straight ready to try and explain to the owner why he was currently perched staring at their house. “I’m so sorry –“ he began, but the words stopped flowing out of his mouth when a small little blonde popped out through the front door, a wide grin set firmly across her face as she began to run towards him.

“Uncle Blainey!” Sophia cried happily as she threw her little body towards her favorite uncle, giggling when in turn, Blaine caught the girl and spun her around before moving to hug her tiny frame.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice a mixture of excitement and confusion.

“This is my new house!” Sophia said excitedly as she pointed back towards the town house, from which Cooper was now emerging.

“Your what?” Blaine asked, confused, peering over the girl’s shoulder at his brother.

Cooper laughed lightly as he made his way towards the pair. “I got an offer for a show that’s filming here, and I talked to Anna about just moving out here. She ended up getting an offer to teach at one of those like, high end elementary schools, so she took it, and here we are.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Blaine asked, his voice slightly pitched as his excitement rose.

“We wanted to surprise you, Uncle Blainey! Surprise!” Sophia shouted, and giggled when Blaine tickled her side lightly.

“So, you’re really here, for good?”

“For good, little brother,” Cooper nodded, pulling his brother into a side hug which set Sophia off in a fit of giggles as she was squished between the two.

“This is so weird,” Blaine stated with a furrowed brow, watching as Cooper tilted his head in question. “Sam just moved here too.”

“They say good things come in threes, so just wait, it could get better.”

 

 

**...**

 

 

Kurt’s hand trembled slightly as he raised it to knock lightly on the wooden door, his breath shallow and heart thrumming nervously in his chest. He let his hand fall and waited anxiously for the door to be opened, twiddling his thumbs as he did.

“Hey,” he breathed when the door was pulled open, and warm honey-hazel eyes met his.

“Kurt, hey,” Blaine said, trying to sound casual as he let his eyes fall over the man standing in front of him. “I didn’t know you were coming by,” he added as he leaned against the door slightly.

“I um, didn’t either,” Kurt answered honestly as his shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. “I just, uh, needed to see you, I guess.”

“I – okay.” Blaine nodded, opening the door wider so Kurt could slip in. “Do you want anything to drink?” Blaine asked nervously as they made their way in to the living room, Kurt awkwardly sitting down on the couch as he shook his head. “Alright, what’s up?” Blaine asked as he sat on the other end of the couch. He frowned slightly at his own words. How could he sound so casual in the midst of whatever they had going on?

“I honestly have no idea,” Kurt chuckled softly. “I don’t even know why I’m actually here. I was walking around, and I just kind of ended up here.”

Blaine nodded, folding his hands together in his lap. Both men sat in silence for what seemed like forever before Blaine shook his head and looked up at Kurt. “How’ve you been?”

_How’ve you been? Seriously Anderson, that’s the best you could do?_

“Alright,” Kurt nodded, the smallest of smiles forming on his lips as he did. “Yeah, not too bad. I um, started counselling,” he admitted.

“Kurt that’s amazing,” Blaine smiled, reaching out to rest his hand on Kurt’s thigh, squeezing it gently before pulling away. “How has it been so far?”

“Really good, actually,” Kurt told him, eyes trained on where Blaine’s hand had sat just seconds prior. “It’s been really helpful I think. We just made the decision to drop a session so that I only have one a week instead of two, and I’m hoping that that’s a good sign.”

“I’m sure it is. I’m glad that you’ve decided to take that step,” Blaine encouraged.

“Me too. It’s different talking about it with someone who is trained to deal with people like me.”

Blaine frowned. “People like you?”

“Yeah, you know…the crazy people of the world.”

“You’re not crazy, Kurt. We’ve talked about this. Having anxiety doesn’t make you strange, or crazy. You have something that can affect you in such a huge way, and you face that challenge every day with so much strength. I don’t know if I could be as graceful about it if I were in your shoes.”

Kurt scoffed. “Yes, because it’s oh so graceful when I completely lose my shit in the middle of work.”

“But that isn’t your fault, Kurt. You’re amazing, alright? You’re strong, and talented, and beautiful, and so much more. You’re worth so much more than you give yourself credit for,” Blaine stated firmly, hand reaching out to grab onto Kurt’s. “The fact that you have made the decision to get help with dealing with your anxiety, speaks volumes towards your strength. Not everybody would be willing to do that.”

“I guess so,” Kurt conceded, giving Blaine’s hand a squeeze. “Hey, Blaine?” he asked, voice a hushed whisper as his eyes met Blaine’s.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think we could try being friends? I know that you said we’d figure everything out, but in the meantime…” he stuttered, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I just, don’t want to go any longer without being able to call you, or text you, or even just see you.”

“Friends sounds great for now,” Blaine nodded as he shuffled closer to Kurt. “Do friends cuddle?” he asked curiously, causing Kurt to break into a fit of laughter.

“Sometimes. We can always be the kind of friends that cuddle.”

“Good. What do you say to a good old movie night with a side of popcorn and lots of cuddles?”

“I’d say that you’re a genius, Anderson.”

They needed to have a serious conversation, and both knew that. But for now, being friends and cuddling on the couch seemed to be exactly what they needed. That serious conversation could wait a few days, couldn’t it?


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you guys, this is exactly what you think it is…the long awaited chapter 18! It took a while to get here, as life seems to get busy way too often for my liking! But it's here, and because of how this chapter ends, I hope to have the next one up soon!   
> Thank you all for sticking around with me for this, it's amazing to have followers like all of you!   
> As always, thank you to BeautifulUnseen for making this all pretty and such! You guys would be reading a big mess, if it weren't for her! Also, go check out her new sequel to Roses Dipped in Gold! You won't regret it!   
> Without further ado, here, after a month too long, is the newest chapter of Breathe Again! Enjoy, and let me know what you guys thought in the comments!
> 
> -B

Kurt jumped in his spot at the table, spilling the spoon full of cereal that was on its way to his mouth as persistent knocking thundered throughout his apartment. He sighed as his eyes glanced over the small mess on his table, before frowning towards the door. He hadn’t been expecting anyone, in fact he had planned on spending his entire day off alone, binge watching old seasons of America’s Next Top Model. Kurt let out a groan as he made his way over to the door, checking himself over in the mirror before pulling it open, his frown deepening slightly as his eyes landed on the person that had been knocking on the door.

“Hi Kurt!” Sophia Grace Anderson exclaimed as she beamed up at the man, who looked slightly concerned that the little girl was standing at his front door, without an adult in sight. Not to mention that the last that Kurt had been aware, she lived in Ohio.

“Soph, sweetie, what are you doing here?” he asked slowly, his head snapping to the right when a soft giggle floated in to the silence, the sound a familiar one. Blaine stood a few feet away from the door, leaning against the wall with a smirk set on his lips.

Sophia’s smile widened as she pulled her hands out from behind her back, producing three small slips of paper. “Uncle Blaine’s taking me to the rides at Luna Park!” Sophia exclaimed. “And I told him that I’d only go if we could bring you.”

“Did you now?” Kurt asked, trying his best to hide the smile that twitched at the sides of his lips.

“Yup!” Sophia nodded fiercely. “You’re the fun one,” she added matter-of-factly, resting her hand on her hip and rolling her eyes when her uncle scoffed. She sent a stern look in Blaine’s direction. “He is.”

Kurt lifted his hand to his mouth, stifling the laugh that threatened to spill out at the four-year-old’s mannerisms. “You’re my favorite Anderson, Soph.” Kurt smiled, watching the girl nod before pushing past him and into the apartment, calling out for both boys to follow her. Kurt couldn’t stifle his laugh this time.

“Go get dressed Kurtie! We’re on a tight shedule, chop chop!” Kurt and Blaine laughed at her command and the way in which she pronounced the word ‘schedule’ like a tiny, British tyrant.

“It’s schedule, Soph,” Blaine corrected.

Sophia rolled her eyes once again before looking towards her uncle who had found a spot on Kurt’s couch. “Whatever, Uncle Blainey. Kurtie! Go!” she demanded, scowling when the boy stood watching Blaine instead.

Kurt stood frozen for a minute, slightly panicking as he tried to figure out what exactly spending an entire day with Blaine might mean. He was still unsure of what they were exactly. They had agreed upon friends, but the line of friendship seemed to blur slightly when they were around each other.  And then, there was still the nagging voice that continued to tell Kurt that Blaine no longer loved him, and that he had agreed to be friends with him out of pity. Although, if he had agreed out of pity, he most likely wouldn’t have agreed to let him go with him and Sophia for an entire day.

“Kurtie! You’re wasting time!” 

“Okay, okay, I’m going. Behave, you two,” Kurt said before heading to his bedroom to get himself ready for what was bound to be an interesting day, to say the least.

 

 

**…**

“Hey Soph, look!” Kurt said excitedly, squeezing the little blonde’s hand which was gripping his tightly, before pointing in the distance. “They have teacups.”

Soph shook her head. “I don’t wanna ride the teacups! I wanna go on the rollercoaster!” She moved Kurt’s extended hand a few inches to instead point at one of the bigger rides.

Kurt looked at her with a mixture of confusion and surprise. The little, tiny, four-year-old, wanted to ride the humongous roller coaster… because that was normal, right?

“She’s a bit of a thrill seeker,” Blaine chipped in, bumping Kurt lightly with his hip. “Not your typical four-year-old, that’s for sure.” 

“I’d say.” Kurt laughed, shaking his head as he turned his attention back to the little girl who was practically vibrating with excitement.

“Don’t worry, Kurtie, we can still ride your teacups, they’re Uncle Blainey’s favorite ride, too,” Sophia said, glancing up at Kurt with an adorable smile before leaning a bit closer to whisper, “He’s afraid of the big kid rides, but shh, don’t tell him that I told you that.” That elicited a laugh out of Kurt who glanced towards Blaine, who in turn was looking at Sophia with something akin to fond exasperation.

“Your secrets safe with me. Now, let’s go have some fun.” Kurt smiled as the little girl dragged him towards the middle of the park.

The three began to make their way through the large crowds, Sophia leading them on a clear mission towards one specific roller coaster. Kurt looked back to make sure that Blaine was still with them, his head snapping forward when Sophia let out a shriek before coming to an abrupt halt, causing Kurt to bump into the girl and Blaine to do the same to Kurt.

“What wrong Soph?” Blaine asked concerned as he dropped his hands from where they had found purchase on Kurt’s waist, causing Kurt to frown slightly as the loss of contact. He poked his head around Kurt to see Sophia facing a booth that advertised a 3-pointer game, her eyes wide and set on a giant pink elephant that hung on the booth.

“I _need_ it! She can stay with B when I have to go to school!” The girl said before turning to face the boys. “Kurtie, you can win it for me!”

“I, uh…” Kurt looked between the basketball net setup, and the little girl standing with a small pout on her lips. “I’m not really good at… sports… but your uncle Blaine would definitely win.” He could hear Blaine breathe a nervous sigh before moving around him.

“I’ll try my best kiddo.” Blaine stepped up to the game, paying the man running the booth before taking his shots.

Both Sophia and Kurt stood and watched as Blaine effortlessly made every single shot, before turning around with a small smirk, telling Sophia to go get her prize.

“You’re the bestest, Uncle Blainey!” Sophia shouted as she quickly hugged her uncle around his legs and ran to get her prize.

“You do realize that we have to carry that around the park now, right?” Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow at the boy whose smirk was still firmly set.

Blaine’s smirk fell as he turned to look at the giant elephant that Sophia was now carrying towards them. “Shit, I didn’t think about that.”

“Here Uncle Blainey! You can hold K – that’s what I named her, after Kurtie – while Kurtie and I go on the rides!” she explained before shoving the stuffed animal towards her uncle, who grimaced slightly before taking it. Kurt shook his head at the two with a laugh before demanding that they had to ride the roller coaster once again.

 

 

**…**

“Bye! See you after the mermaids!” Sophia waved before disappearing into a tunnel. Kurt and Blaine both waved back before heading to a nearby bench. Blaine had made the wise decision to put K the elephant in the car earlier that day.

“Thanks for coming with us today,” Blaine said as he gently knocked his thigh against Kurt’s. “Seriously, though. I had already bought the tickets, and Coop was supposed to come with us, but she flat out refused to go if you didn’t come with us.”

Kurt let out an amused chuckle before looking towards the brunette with a shrug. “It’s been fun, honestly. How long are they in the city for?” he asked curiously.

“Oh, I guess I forgot to tell you…Coop moved,” Blaine explained. “He was cast in a show that is being filmed here, and so they decided to just move instead of having Coop fly back and forth.”

“That’s great, Blaine! It’ll be nice for you to have him around, as well as the little one, even if she is a tiny little boss.”  Kurt reached out to squeeze Blaine’s knee lightly, watching as the boy beamed and nodded in response.

“It is, I missed having them around,” Blaine agreed. “And she’s getting so big… it sucks not being able to watch that happen, especially because I had been there for so long after she was born.”

“I can imagine.” Kurt nodded in understanding. “I heard that you have a new roommate as well. That’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah, Sam kind of sprung that on me, but I’m more than happy to have him around. I think that being in Lima was starting to get to him, you know? He loved the New Directions, but he seemed almost…restless, maybe? Like he needed to get out and start something new.”

Kurt hummed in agreement. “New York will be good for him.”

Both boys sat in silence for a while, watching as kids entered and exited the mermaid ride, smiling when a few of them shrieked in delight before disappearing down the tunnel. “So, I was thinking…”

“Uh oh,” Kurt joked, giggling when Blaine playfully hit his arm.

“So not funny. Anyways, I don’t know what your plans are for later this evening, but I was hoping that maybe after dropping Sophia off at home, you might be willing to head back to my place and have a long overdue conversation.”

Kurt nodded, looking down at where his hand still rested against Blaine’s thigh. “Yeah, that’d be great,” he replied before looking back up into the honey eyes that were nervously watching him.

“Kurtie! I’m back!” Sophia yelled as she exited the ride and ran towards them. “We can go to the tea cups now, if you want.”

Kurt laughed, standing. “Sure, let’s do that. Coming?” he asked as he turned to face Blaine, holding out his hand as he did. Blaine nodded, looking at Kurt’s hand for a moment before slipping his into it, lacing their fingers together before the group began to make their way towards the tea cup ride. 

 

 

**…**

“Goodnight Kurtie, thanks for coming with us,” Sophia said as she wrapped her arms around Kurt’s neck and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“You’re very welcome, munchkin.” Kurt handed the wiggly girl off to Blaine.

Sophia planted a big wet kiss on her Uncle’s cheek, then squealed when he began to tickle her sides. “Uncle Blainey! Stop!” she giggled, sighing in relief when Blaine stopped, and squeezed her into a hug. “Thank you for taking me today, I had super-duper lots of fun!” she exclaimed before giving him another kiss and wiggling until he set her down. Blaine laughed as she waved at the boys before running through the house to find her mom.

Both boys said goodbye to Cooper before making their way back to Blaine’s car (because although he took the subway most of the time, he liked the idea of having his own vehicle), both climbing in the vehicle before heading towards Blaine’s apartment.

Kurt sighed happily as he held his small stuffed turtle close and looked out of the window at the bright lights that blurred together as they passed by. It had been a good day.

“What are you thinking about?” Blaine asked softly, glancing over at the boy in his passenger seat, who looked completely blissed-out.

Kurt looked at Blaine, letting his head fall softly against the head rest of the seat as he did. “Nothing really. Today was good,” Kurt answered simply as his shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. Blaine nodded in agreement, smiling over at Kurt before focusing back on the road.

The rest of the drive was spent in a comfortable silence, with Blaine maintaining focus on driving, and Kurt watching the boy with a small grin on his face. Together or not, he was irrevocably in love with this boy.

When they arrived at Blaine’s apartment, they spent the sort elevator ride up to the third floor sharing shy glances back and forth, stopping only when the doors slid open. They made their way to the end of the hall where Blaine fiddled with his keys and began to unlock his door, stopping only when Kurt’s hand fell upon his arm. He spun around to face Kurt, confusion etched upon his features. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Kurt said quickly, biting his lips slightly before taking a deep breath, his eyes meeting Blaine’s. “I just, I don’t know if I can go in there if…I know that you want to talk, and that we need to talk, but if I’m going to follow you in there only to have my heart broken again, then I don’t know if I can do it.”

Blaine stood, eyes trailing across Kurt’s worried features. He hated that he had let things get this far, that he was the one who had brought on the look that was currently on Kurt’s face. A look of hope and fear, all mixed into one.

He opened his mouth to say something – to assure Kurt that their conversation was not going to end that way, but no words came out. Instead he closed it, and reached out to take Kurt’s hand in his, stepping closer to the boy as he did, smiling slightly at Kurt’s sharp intake of breath at the feel of Blaine’s hand in his. He wanted to say something beautiful, something to let Kurt know that everything was going to be okay. Something to show Kurt that he had finally pulled his head out of his ass, and that all he wanted was to work things out and move forward with Kurt by his side. But no words seemed to be the right words, so instead he took another step, pressing his body to Kurt’s. He could feel the release of breath that Kurt let out against his lips as his eyes searched the cerulean ones that were looking into him. “I love you,” he whispered before closing the last bit of distance that separated them and pressing his lips softly to Kurt’s.

The kiss was soft and hesitant, but passionate in its own respect. It was a kiss that spoke volumes, as it remained gentle, but wanting. Blaine smiled as he felt Kurt’s free hand run up his arm before moving to his neck, Kurt’s fingers playing lightly with his curls.

“Blaine!” the shout rang through the silence causing both boys to breathlessly pull apart. “Blaine, I need you! Blaine!” Ella’s door snapped open, her husband Max looked wildly between the boys before beginning to speak once again. “I-it’s El, she…she um… god, she was just baking and then I heard a bang, and, and she… Blaine…” Max stuttered. Blaine ran into the apartment, dragging Kurt with him to the kitchen, only dropping the boy’s hand when his eyes landed on the pale, unconscious Ella that laid on the floor.

“Kurt, call an ambulance,” Blaine shouted as he moved to Ella, checking her pulse and breathing before shaking his head. “Her pulse is weak. It’s there, but it’s weak.” He began compressions on the woman. “Come on El,” he whispered before instructing Max to go to wait in the living room and telling Kurt to head outside to flag down the ambulance.

Blaine continued giving the woman CPR until there were paramedics pushing him out of the way, assessing the woman before moving her onto a stretcher and wheeling her out of the apartment. He watched as Kurt led Max out after them, then stared at the ground that had been occupied by Ella’s body just moments before.

He was snapped out of his daze when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he looked up to see a glossy-eyed Kurt looking down at him. “Come on, I’ll drive.”

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! Yes, you are seeing this right! A new update in under two weeks! A rare occurrence nowadays. But, I did promise to not leave you hanging for too, too long! So, I hope that you all are ready for this chapter! It's got a lot too it, but I think that it ended up being exactly what I had wanted it to be! So, enjoy, and let me know what you all think in the comments!! 
> 
> -B

**…**

 

 

“Hey, take a deep breath,” Kurt whispered tenderly as he placed his hands on Blaine’s shoulders, softly massaging the tense muscles under his fingers. Blaine bobbed his head slightly in acknowledgment before doing as told, inhaling deeply before breathing out.

They had now been waiting in the hospital for what seemed like an endless amount of time. Upon their arrival, the boys and Max had been informed that Ella had suffered from a ruptured aneurism resulting in a brain hemorrhage, and that she had been rushed into emergency surgery upon her arrival to the hospital. The doctors had told them that they would try their very best to help Ella through this, but that at that very moment, things hadn’t looked so good. The five hour mark was now approaching since Ella had been taken in for surgery, and they were still waiting for an update of any kind. 

Blaine took another deep breath before glancing back at Kurt. “They’ve been in there for hours,” he whispered. There was an undertone of defeat in his voice that clutched at Kurt’s heart, causing the boy to stop his massage, and instead wrap his arms around Blaine from behind.

“She’s going to be okay,” he said quietly as he hooked his chin over Blaine’s shoulder.

“I –“ Blaine began, but stopped, shaking his head as he swallowed hard and tried to get a grasp on the emotions that threatened to spill from his body. “What if she’s not?”

Kurt shook his head, wedging his lip in between his teeth as he searched for the right words to comfort Blaine. Instead, he simply pressed a soft kiss to the boy’s cheek, before standing up and walking around the set of chairs that separated the two, sitting down in the one next to Blaine and reaching out to take his hand in his.

“I know that none of us can know for sure that she will be okay, but look at who we’re talking about, Blaine. Ella’s a fighter. She’s one of the strongest, most stubborn women that I have ever met. And that’s saying something, because my best friend is Rachel Berry,” he added, feeling relieved when a smile twitched at the corners of Blaine’s mouth. “If anybody is going to pull through something like this, it’s Ella.” Kurt looked around the large waiting room and spotted Max sitting in a chair at the far end, expression blank as he stared at the bright white wall across from him. “Have you talked to him yet?”

Blaine nodded slowly as he slouched further into his chair, tightening his hold on Kurt’s hand as he did. “He said that he just needed some time alone,” Blaine answered. He reached up to run his hand through his messy curls before looking over at Kurt who was still watching Max. “I don’t blame him.”

“No of course not,” Kurt agreed, moving his attention back to the boy sitting next to him.

“How are you so calm?” Blaine asked after a moment of silence between the two. Kurt reflected on the events of the evening and realized that although he had felt incredibly upset the whole time, he had internalized it all. Compared to Blaine, who had paced nonstop the entire first hour they had been in the hospital, Kurt must have seemed almost serene.

Kurt raised his shoulders in a shrug. “I guess I’m able to stay calm when I know that the people around me need me to be,” he answered honestly, not even realizing that he had somehow managed to avoid an attack in one of the most stressful situations he’d ever encountered. “I did have a little panic moment in the bathroom earlier,” he admitted. “It’s not that I’m not worried, because if anything happens to that woman, I don’t know what I’ll do. But, you two seem like you need someone to stay level headed at this moment, and I guess I’ve decided to try and be that person.”

“Thank you,” Blaine breathed, squeezing Kurt’s hand as he did. “For just being here, for being you.”

Kurt nodded, giving Blaine a soft smile before slouching slightly in his own chair. “Everything’s going to work out the way that it should,” he assured as he leaned his head against the other boy’s shoulder, smiling softly when Blaine kissed the top of his head and leaning his own against it.

They sat for a while in silence, Kurt’s thumb running gently over Blaine’s knuckles, as Blaine’s nerves settled slightly. It was moments like this, where Kurt seemed to be the sole thing that Blaine needed that made him question why had put them through so much hurt over the past three months. Blaine let his eyes fall closed as the steady swoop of Kurt’s thumb over his skin continued to bring the tension out of him. Blaine had always been known to be the one who looked out for everyone, and it was incredible to have someone else doing just that for him. It was ten-times better that the person who was looking out for him, was a boy that he adored with every fiber of his being.

“Mr. Bowman” a voice rang through the empty waiting room, causing both boys’ heads to snap towards the entrance where Max was already standing. They both got up and made their way over to him. “Gentleman,” the doctor greeted with a nod. “Ella did wonderful in surgery, she’s currently in the ICU, and is not yet conscious, but you all can go in one at a time for now. We’ll be mentoring her very closely for the next forty-eight hours, and then we will go from there. She’s in room 417.”

All three men mumbled a thank you before Max shot off to go see his wife, leaving Blaine and Kurt in the waiting room alone.

“I told you that she’d pull through,” Kurt said softly as he turned to face his boyfriend, eyes softening when they landed on the boy who now had tears streaking his face. “Blaine –“

“They’re happy tears, I promise.” Blaine said quickly, letting out a little chuckle before reaching for Kurt’s hand, tugging him into a tight hug. “She’s okay,” he whispered as he buried his face in Kurt’s neck.

“She is, everything’s going to be just fine,” Kurt agreed, squealing when Blaine picked him up and spun him in a circle. “Come on, lets head up there.”

 

 

**…**

**24 hours later…**

“You look awful,” Ella stated bluntly as her green eyes found Blaine, who had just entered the room, waving goodbye to Max as he did.

“You don’t look so good yourself,” Blaine retorted as he took a seat next to the bed.

Ella rolled her eyes. “I just came out of major brain surgery, I’m allowed to look like crap.”

“And I just spent the last day and a half in a hospital waiting room, my excuse works just as well,” Blaine argued, smiling when Ella chuckled in response. “You scared the shit out of us,” he said seriously, reaching to take the woman’s hand.

Ella nodded a little, wincing at the pain that shot through her head as she did. “I can’t help but keep things dramatic, sorry.”

“Of course,” Blaine shook his head with a laugh, resting his elbow on the hospital bed. “Kurt was right though, if anybody was going to fight and make it out of this, it’s you.”

“Kurt, huh?” a smirk made its way over the woman’s lips as she looked at him knowingly. 

“Yes, Kurt.” A chuckle escaped Blaine’s mouth at the woman’s expression. “I don’t know, El, I thought that time apart was such a good idea, and that I had some things that I really needed to work out, but some things happened the other night, and having him here at the hospital… I can’t figure out why I ever wanted to be away from him,” he explained. “He’s everything.”

“I know,” Ella nodded, as if she had known that fact her entire life. “He’s one of a kind, that’s for sure. Try not to let him slip away again, yeah? He’s good for you.”

Blaine hummed in agreement as he looked over the woman lying in front of him. “Don’t worry about that, I plan on marrying that man one day.”

Ella looked at Blaine with a fond expression, pleased to see him smiling for the first time in months. “I’m glad that you’re happy again,” she finally told him, squeezing his hand lightly.

Blaine broke out into a huge grin. “I am. Or at least I mostly am. I would be a little happier if you would avoid things like this,” he waved around to the various machines that surrounded them, “in the future. Honestly, how are you feeling, El?”

“I have a pretty bad headache, and I’m tired, but I’m better than I thought I would be,” Ella answered honestly, giving the boy a reassuring smile when he narrowed his eyes at her. “I promise,” she added. Blaine nodded and smiled down at his lap. He wouldn’t admit it to Ella, but he had been beyond afraid that they were going to lose her, and that scared the living shit out of him. She had slowly become like his second mother, and he wasn’t sure exactly what he would do if she was no longer around.

“Hey El?” Ella frowned but looked over at the boy, waiting for him to continue. “I love you, ya know?”

“I love you too, my boy.”

 

 

**…**

“You, young lady, are in so much trouble,” Kurt scolded sternly with his arms crossed over his chest and eyes narrowed at the woman in front of him. “Never again, okay? _Never._ You hear me?”

Ella shook her head and answered sarcastically. “Yes boss. Any other orders?”

Kurt took a seat in the chair next to her bed. “Mm, some chocolate cake when you get out of here would be nice,” he teased as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Ella’s cheek. “Kidding. Honestly though, your little stunt…so not funny.”

Ella let out a snort. “Yes, because it was all for shits and giggles, Kurt.”

Kurt let out a laugh and then shook his head in disbelief. “They said that you are doing extraordinarily well for someone who just had surgery on their brain. I told them that they shouldn’t be surprised, you kind of kick ass at everything.”

“Thanks for the confidence.”

“Anytime, El, anytime.” Kurt pulled out a magazine that he had brought in with him, lying it on Ella’s bed. “So, I figured that both Max and Blaine had come in here and had done the ‘I’m so happy that you’re alive’ stuff, so I thought I’d mix it up and see if you’d like to hear an article from this month’s Vogue issue, written by some Kurt Hummel dude.”

“You got an article!?” Ella asked excitedly.

Kurt nodded with a smug smile. “I mean, being assistant chief editor and all, I could probably do an article whenever I wanted, but yeah, they let me for this issue.”

“Read away, Mr. Hummel.” Ella adjusted herself in the bed slightly in preparation.

Kurt reading his article to her was exactly what Ella needed at that moment. It was nice for others to share their sympathy for her situation, and it was beautiful to hear everybody’s nice words towards her, but normalcy was what she really needed. Kurt spent the rest of his visit reading random articles from Vogue to her, until Blaine barged in and started pestering the two, followed by Max who sat quietly, holding his wife’s hand as they watched the two boys bicker back and forth in amusement.

 

 

**…**

 

**Another 24 Hours later…**

 

“The doctors say that she’s healing ridiculously well,” Kurt said as he and Blaine stepped off of the elevator and onto Ella’s floor. They had both gone home for a bit of sleep before Blaine had picked Kurt up to go and grab Max some food before returning to the hospital just in time for visiting hours to begin.

“She’s incredible, that one,” Blaine agreed as they turned the corner to the hallway where Ella’s room was.

“Code Blue, room 417. Code Blue, room 417,” a voice echoed from the overhead speakers, as a few nurses ran past both boys and towards the hospital room.

“Blaine,” Kurt said as Blaine took off after them, and he reached out to grab the other boy, but failed. Kurt quickly caught up to Blaine, who had skidded to a stop in front of the door to Ella’s hospital room. The coffee that had been in his hand dropped to the floor, the brown liquid splattering the white tiled floor beneath it. Kurt stopped jogging when he reached Blaine’s side, letting his eyes sweep over the commotion that was happening inside of Ella’s room. There were various nurses and a doctor crowded around Ella’s bed, which was now lying flat as the doctor performed chest compressions on a pale and lifeless-looking Ella. There was a nurse blocking a half-shouting, half-sobbing Max from reaching Ella. Kurt’s breath caught in his throat as the flat line that was bright across one of the monitors continued, bold and steady.

Both boys stood frozen in the doorway, watching as the doctor shocked Ella before proceeding with her chest compressions. It carried on for five long minutes before the doctor halted her chest compressions and took a sad step away from Ella.

“Time of death, 8:42am,” she called out, slowly making her way out of the room, sneaking past the boys in the doorway.

“I…I don’t understand,” Blaine muttered, in shock.

“We believe that Mrs. Bowman had another aneurism rupture. She went into cardiac arrest as soon as we reached her,” a nearby nurse explained.

Blaine let out a sob as his hand flew up to his mouth, tears that he hadn’t even realized had pooled in his eyes spilling onto his cheeks as his body began to shake.

“Blaine,” Kurt said hurriedly as he wrapped his arms around the boy who looked like his legs would give out at any moment. “Shh, baby,” he choked out against Blaine’s cheek as his own tears slid down his face. “Shh.” Blaine sagged against him, burying his face in Kurt’s neck as he let the weight of what had just happened wash over him.

“It-it wasn’t supposed to…to be like th-this,” Blaine gasped into Kurt’s neck. “Sh-she was d-doing so…so good.”

“I know, baby. I know,” Kurt agreed, running a hand soothingly over Blaine’s back, trying his best to see through his tears. “I know.”

They stood in the doorway for what could have been minutes or hours, holding each other as they tried to process how things had gone from good to unimaginable, before Kurt suggested they try to figure out what Max needed from them. They had called Max’s sister, who thankfully lived close to the hospital, and had waited with him until she had arrived. They both hugged Max, telling him to let them know if he needed anything at all, and then they made their way back to Blaine’s apartment, where Blaine now sat on the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the wall.

“Come here,” Kurt said softly from where he had curled up underneath Blaine’s covers. Blaine slowly looked towards Kurt before moving up the bed and slipping under the covers as well, looking over at Kurt as he laid his head on his pillow. “I know that it hurts, and that’s okay. You don’t have to be Mr. tough guy with this one, okay?”

“I know,” Blaine whispered as tears began to well in his eyes once again. He quickly tried to blink them away.

“No, hey, see? You’re going to try to hold back your feelings because everyone else will be upset and you’ll want to be there for them, but you loved her too, Blaine. She was like a second mom to you. Hell, she was like my second mom, too, and it’s okay if you can’t hold yourself together. Don’t be scared to fall apart a little.”

Blaine nodded, closing his eyes and causing a few tears to slip down his cheeks. He felt the bed shift, then felt Kurt’s lips softly press against his, the other boy running his thumb over Blaine’s cheekbone.

“Hey?” Kurt whispered softly. Blaine eyes blinked open, finding Kurt’s instantly. “I know that this may seem like the wrong time, considering everything…and it might be cliché and whatnot, but if this has taught me anything, it’s that we don’t know what tomorrow holds, or what will happen in the next five hours, or even five minutes, and…” Kurt trailed off, biting his lip as his eyes flicked down to Blaine’s chest before moving back to meet his eyes once more. “I love you, Blaine. And I’m here, okay?”

Blaine’s eyes once again snapped shut and he let out a quiet sob as more tears glided across his skin. “God, I love you too,” he said finally, moving to press his lips to Kurt’s once more. Their kiss was gentle, yet passionate, mixed with the taste of salty tears, but perfect in its own right. If Ella had taught them anything, it was to love while they could, and that was exactly what Blaine planned to do. He had been an idiot to spend the last three months doing anything other than showing Kurt how beautiful he truly was, and although he knew that the foreseeable future would bring hurt and eventual healing from the loss of Ella, he would also try to spend every waking moment loving the boy whose head now rested in the crook between his shoulder and neck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! Long time no talk! But I’m here, I promise! And, I’ve been diligently working on this chapter during any moment of spare time I’ve been able to fine – which hasn’t been too much as of late. Schools in its final weeks, which means many, many final projects as well as exams to study for, and works been busy as ever, but I managed to squeeze this chapter out finally!   
> It was a toughie honestly… trying to balance the sad and the happy, but I think it went pretty well! I hope you all enjoy, and that you are all still with me, even through these incredibly long breaks between chapters. Enjoy my lovelies and don’t forget to let me know what you think!!
> 
> -B

**…**

 

 

“Ella was…well Ella was everything and more. People use the phrase ‘bubble of joy,’ and often it doesn’t truly reflect the actual person or thing they are talking about, but Ella was truly a bubble of joy. She was also stubborn, motherly, caring, generous, incredibly sassy, and so many other things. She was like this incredible enigma – something that you couldn’t quite properly comprehend, yet something that you could appreciate none-the-less.” Blaine smiled sadly as he looked out into the sea of fond expressions that stared back at him. He had spent the better part of three days trying his best to create the perfect speech, a speech that would live up to the person it was written about, for this very moment, but he could never seem to find the right words. It had taken a sad, but ever caring Kurt sitting down next to him and explaining that he wouldn’t be able to write the speech in advance, and that when the time came he’d be able to stand in front of everybody and tell them just how much this beautiful woman meant to him. Of course – as always – Kurt was right.

“I left home when I was seventeen, and with it, in a sense, I left my mom. She’s amazing, and I’m overwhelmingly grateful to have her, but the distance that was put between us when I left made it hard for her to really be there for me. So, when I moved in to the same apartment building as Max and El a few months after moving to New York, I was incredibly lucky to have this amazing woman step in to my life. She was like my – no, she _was_ my second mom,” Blaine paused, letting his eyes flutter shut as he took a deep breath and tried his best to will tears away. “She was there, anytime I needed her, and in everything she did, she always seemed to have my best interest at heart. She was the mom I needed in my life when I wasn’t able to have my own,” Blaine nodded, letting the tears fall, knowing that at this point, holding them back was useless. “When I was trying to figure out what to say to you all today, I freaked out when I realized that there aren’t enough words in existence to truly express how phenomenal this woman was. My boyfriend, Kurt, told me to stop writing and assured me that when the time came, I’d find the exact words to say. You were almost right, Kurt.” Blaine found Kurt’s eyes, which stared back intently, and were also filled with tears. “You were right that I wouldn’t have been able to write the speech that she deserved, but you were wrong about the rest of it. There aren’t any words in the English language that truly describe the enormity of joy, frustration, and complete adoration that we all feel towards Ella. One day I hope to have words that are even slightly worthy of using for her, but I doubt that they’ll ever be invented. So, for now, I’ll stick with these two sentences. El, I will forever be overwhelmingly grateful for the way you accepted me and took me in as your own. I will spend the rest of my life trying to show those around me even a small portion of the selfless and unconditional love that you showed me. I love you, with everything me, El.”

And with that, Blaine moved his hand up to wipe the tears that had been falling down his cheek before making his way off of the stage and to where Kurt was, sitting next to him and reaching for the boy’s hand as Max moved to make his way up to the podium.

Blaine’s eyes snapped up a few minutes later as Kurt’s hand slipped out of his own. He hadn’t realized that he had zoned out throughout Max’s speech, but now he watched as Kurt made his way, graceful as ever, to the podium, a sad smile across his lips as he greeted everyone.

“I didn’t know Ella long, just under six months actually, but in that short amount of time she very stubbornly worked her way into my heart. She even baked me a cake once.” Kurt’s smile widened slightly. “I know that everybody’s going to come up here and talk about how amazing she was, and how much she’ll be missed. She was amazing…she was one of the best people I’ve ever known, and she helped me get to where I am now, which I am eternally grateful for, and I will miss her, every day. But instead of telling you just how much she means to me, I’d like to tell you about the things that Ella taught me in my short time with her, if that’s okay with you?” he paused, taking a deep breath and watching as the room collectively nodded and hummed in approval.

“Ella was a woman who, from what I got to see of it, lived her life with one purpose – to live. She lived without regrets or questions. She knew how precious time was, and she never wasted one moment. That was the first thing that she taught me: time waits for no one. Life continues on, whether or not it’s convenient for you. The world doesn’t stop turning because you need it to, it just doesn’t work that way. If there was something that Ella taught me without ever using words, it was that life can be crazy and it can throw you around a bit, and you’ve only got one shot at it. You don’t get days back, they come and then they go, and there’s no turning back once they’ve passed by. What you do with that, with your seconds, your minutes, your days and weeks, that’s what’s important. Living your life to just live, and to enjoy every moment of it, that’s what matters.” Kurt looked over to where Max and Blaine sat in the front row. “Another thing that Ella taught me is that love is absolutely everything. It comes unexpectedly sometimes, or at least it did for me. She taught me that when it does come, you’ve gotta go for it. You need to take the leap, fear of falling forgotten, and just go for it, because if you don’t, who knows what you’ll be missing out on. I’m incredibly grateful that I listened to that piece of advice.

“So yes, Ella was amazing and inspiring, and she will be greatly missed by us all, but she’s still there, in the words that she shared, in the advice she gave, in the complete gust of life she sent our way. Take those moments, those words, and keep them, cherish them. But most importantly, do what Ella would want you to, and truly live them.”

 

**…**

**Two weeks later…**

“Surprise!” Blaine said happily as he poked his head through Kurt’s office door, his own smile widening upon seeing Kurt’s eyes light up when they flicked up from his laptop.

“Hey, you, what are you doing here? I thought you had class?”  Kurt asked curiously as he slowly closed his laptop, opting to take a break now that his boyfriend was there.

Blaine shrugged as he made his way in to the office, walking around Kurt’s desk before hopping up to sit on it next to Kurt’s computer. “I can miss a class every now and then.”

Kurt frowned slightly as he leaned back in his chair, also reaching out his hand to catch Blaine’s who instantly laced their fingers together. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Blaine nodded, sending Kurt a genuine smile and squeezing his hand a little. “Really, I just wanted to see you. Think you might be able to get away from this place a little early?” Blaine asked, using his free hand to motion around the office.

“Maybe, what do you have in mind?” Kurt asked, leaning forward to rest his chin in his hand.

Blaine bit his lip nervously as he let his eyes roam the office that had become familiar to him. He raised his shoulders in a shrug. “I haven’t been able to take you on a proper date since we got back together,” he said, words quick and mashed.

Kurt watched in amusement as Blaine continued to nibble on his bottom lip, his thumb nervously stroking against the back of Kurt’s hand.

“What?” Blaine asked confused when Kurt continued to watch.

“I don’t remember the last time that I saw you this nervous,” Kurt answered, letting out a laugh as color seeped onto Blaine’s cheeks, and the boy bowed his head in embarrassment. “No, hey, it’s cute. Really,” Kurt assured, reaching out his free hand to tip Blaine’s chin back up.

“I just… want to get this right, you know?” Blaine admitted softly, reaching up to take Kurt’s hand from under his chin, kissing the boy’s palm lightly. “I made such a mess – “

“Blaine –“

“No, it’s true. I don’t even understand why I didn’t just talk to you about how I was feeling, instead of freaking out and running away. I could have saved us… saved you so much stress if I would have just decided to man up and talk to you.” He took a deep break, eyes downcast as Kurt moved to rest his elbow against Blaine’s thigh. “I just, let myself lose so much time with you over the stupidest thing, and I want to make things better. I want to make everything okay again.”

“Everything is okay,” Kurt whispered, eyes searching Blaine’s face as he moved his hand out of Blaine’s to trace small patterns against his stomach. “It is. I don’t fault you for what happened. You’re only human, we get scared sometimes and sometimes the insecurity that we feel when the situation is such a vulnerable one makes us do things without considering our true feelings. It happens, and you’re here now.”

Blaine exhaled softly before bobbing his head in a nod, “I still want to take you out.” He stated simply, a smile pulling at his lips when Kurt shook his head fondly.

“Alright, what are we doing?”

“It’s a secret.” Blaine smirked, laughing and leaning down to kiss the pout that appeared across Kurt’s lips. “You’ll like it, I swear.”

“Mmhm, sure I will.”

“Oh, stop being a big baby,” Blaine shook his head as he slid off of Kurt’s desk, tugging on Kurt’s hand to stand up, grinning when Kurt huffed in mock annoyance before doing as told.

“This better be one hell of a surprise.”

Blaine threw a wink in Kurt’s direction. “Oh Mr. Hummel, you won’t be disappointed.”

 

 

**…**

 

 

“We’re going to your apartment?” Kurt asked, confused, as he stared at the entrance to Blaine’s building. Blaine had left Kurt’s office earlier that day with the instructions to be ready by 7, and so when Blaine had showed up, Kurt had looked dazzling as ever in tight black jeans, a dark grey Henley peeking out beneath a burgundy cardigan. Kurt Hummel – perfect as always. They had then made their way to Blaine’s surprise location, Kurt unhappily forced to wear a blindfold on the ride over.

Blaine simply rolled his eyes at the boy before reaching for his hand and leading him into the building and up the stairs. They made their way to the apartment door, Blaine stopping to face Kurt when they reached it, his eyes finding Kurt’s confused ones. “It’s not perfect in any respect, and maybe you deserve more than a stupid date in my apartment but… but I just wanted this to be you and me. No distractions, no commotion around us. Just us,” Blaine explained quickly, words rushing out of him a million miles a minute before he turned back to the door, wiggling his key into its slot and turning it before opening the door.

Kurt’s soft gasp echoed through the silence as he stood still, eyes flitting over the tea lights that led a path from the door to the center of the living room, which had been rearranged so that it was a bit more open than usual. There was a blanket in the middle of the room, candles scattered next to it, and on it sat a few covered dishes. “Blaine,” Kurt breathed softly as he made his way down the candle lit path.

“It’s cheesy, I know,” Blaine said as he lifted his shoulders in a shrug, following his boyfriend in to the room.

“No,” Kurt shook his head, finally spinning to face the boy, cerulean eyes sparkling beautifully in the light of the candles around him. “It’s beautiful, really.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely,” Kurt nodded reassuringly, hand finding Blaine’s as he tugged him towards the blanket to start their evening.

 

 

**…**

“You know, when I was younger I always told my dad that I’d find myself a prince.” Kurt mused as his fingertips traced patterns across Blaine’s fabric covered stomach. They were sprawled out on the blanket after finishing with dinner, Kurt’s head on Blaine’s chest. Blaine smiled and hummed softly at the feel of Kurt’s touch, encouraging him to continue as he moved his hand to the small of Kurt’s back, dipping his fingers under the hem of Kurt’s shirt to find the soft skin that lay underneath. “I told him that we’d meet, fall madly in love and then dance happily into the sunset.” Kurt let out a soft giggle.

Blaine shook his head in amusement. “Kurt Hummel and his high expectations,” he teased as he wriggled his body out from underneath Kurt, moving to stand before bending and holding his hand out to Kurt who looked at him in confusion.

“What – “

“I may not be a prince and we may have missed sunset, but…dance with me,” he whispered, hand outstretched, eyes hopeful as they stayed on Kurt.

Kurt tilted his head, eyes sweeping over Blaine fondly. “There’s no music,” he stated simply as he looked around the softly lit room.

Blaine let out a quiet chuckle before dropping his offered hand and moving towards his stereo system in the corner of the room, plugging his phone in to find a song. The gentle opening notes of ‘Bloom’ by The Paper Kites filled the room. Blaine then moved back over to where Kurt was still sitting, a fond smile now sitting across his lips. “Dance with me,” he said once again, holding his hand out.

Kurt nodded, taking Blaine’s hand and letting the boy pull him up. He wrapped his arms around Blaine’s shoulders and rested his head against Blaine’s shoulder, as Blaine laid his own hands on Kurt’s hips, starting to move them into a gentle sway.

“I would have never imagined that this is how my life would be.” Kurt said after a few minutes of silent swaying back and forth.

“Hm?”

Kurt pulled back so that he could look at Blaine, his face calm. “Last year, everything had gotten so…heavy. I was clubbing constantly, trying to drown everything with vodka, and I was – well, carless to say the least.” He shrugged his shoulders a little. “But you… you kind of flipped things upside down. I don’t know, I guess it was kind of like I had been shoved underwater and was fighting to come up for air, and then you came along, and it was suddenly there in my lungs. Like I could finally get the air that I was so deprived of. I feel like I can finally breathe again. I can breathe, and if it weren’t for you, I’m not so sure I would be able to,” he explained, shaking his head when Blaine frowned and opened his mouth. “Don’t. Don’t tell me that I was strong enough to do it on my own, or that it wasn’t you, because it was. I know that it was partially my strength that got me here, I do. But if you hadn’t come along and showed me what being able to breathe again might actually be like, if you hadn’t showed me just how much I needed air, I wouldn’t have tried to fight for it. You changed everything.”

Blaine opened his mouth to respond once again, but let it fall closed when the words seemed to be stuck in his throat. “I love you,” he said finally, eyes locked with Kurt’s.

“I love you, too.” Kurt smiled. “God, I love you. So, so much.”

Lips met, sliding effortlessly together, as they continued to sway to the music that floated in the background, tongues twining, and bodies pulled as close together as possible. “Come,” Kurt whispered as he broke the kiss, his hand finding Blaine’s and tugging on it lightly.

Blaine nodded, quickly blowing out the tea lights before returning to Kurt, once again meeting his lips while walking them backwards towards Blaine’s room.

They slowly made their way into the room, hands roaming, mouths moving effortlessly together as the rest of the world faded into the background, nothing around them mattering in that moment. Kurt reached to pull at the bottom of Blaine’s shirt, smiling into another kiss when Blaine eagerly began pulling it up with him, breaking the kiss to tug it over his head, before taking Kurt’s off as well. Blaine then began to back Kurt towards his bed, his hands exploring the skin of Kurt’s back, running his hands over the planes of skin and muscle that rippled beneath them.

He lightly pushed Kurt onto the bed before hovering over him, elbows supporting his weight, only breaking the kiss when he felt Kurt’s fingers on his belt buckle. “Kurt,” he breathed through ragged breaths, meeting Kurt’s eyes which were now a dark blue with pupils blown wide. “Are you sure?” he asked softly, running his thumb over Kurt’s cheek. He knew that it was neither of their firsts, but he still felt the need to make sure that Kurt felt comfortable and safe, because…because hopefully this time…this first, their first together, would be Kurt’s last first. Blaine would do anything to make sure that no matter what the rest of Kurt’s first were like, this one would be perfect.

“I’m sure.”

 

**…**

Kurt Hummel would forever claim that this time, this first time, was by far the best.

This time was love, want, need, and just…just love. It was more, in every sense of the word. It was everything.

This time was lips, tongue, teeth, sweat, skin on skin, hands roaming, discovering. It was two people learning things that they had yet to discover about each other, it was two people sharing small secrets.

This time was smooth and graceful and awkward, but perfect nonetheless. This time was between two people in love instead of between meaningless strangers who would never meet again. This time was…different.

This time was different, and Kurt knew that. This time – this time it was him handing himself over to another human being completely and knowing that he would be safe doing so. It was letting another human being have all that he had to offer, letting them take all of him, trusting that this time he would be safe, would stay unscathed, unshattered, unharmed.

This time was Kurt Hummel knowing that there would never be anything else that would measure up to the love and complete safety that he felt within the arms that held him so tenderly, the promise of forever consuming him like a cloud of mist.

This time was Blaine and Kurt, Kurt and Blaine. This was what breathing felt like. This was what being free of demons and darkness felt like. This was what it meant to breathe again. It meant hope, want, need, freedom, love, and complete adoration exploding in bright technicolor over him. This time was beauty, and love…and Blaine.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go lovelies! See the end of the chapter for notes!  
> -B

**…**

 

 

Streams of light cascaded through he partially closed blinds, landing on smooth olive skin, the rays tracing delicate features. Never in his entire life, would Kurt Hummel have guessed that he would one day end up here, in this moment, with this boy sleeping soundly next to him, so in love and happy and…safe. He was safe here. Free here. Almost as if the bad and terrible things of the world were unable to reach him here, as if he was untouchable as long as he was at Blaine’s side.

It wasn’t that Kurt needed Blaine next to him in order to face the world, because he didn’t. If there was one thing that Kurt Hummel was not, it was a damsel in distress who needed his boyfriend to pick him up every time he faltered. No, he didn’t _need_ Blaine. And that, _that,_ brought some sort of beauty along with it. The idea that he didn’t need Blaine in order to live or breathe, but instead that he wanted Blaine. He _wanted_ Blaine, because Blaine’s smile could turn the worst of his days into the best. Because Blaine’s laugh was a melody that wrapped around Kurt, spreading its warmth through him. Because Blaine’s kindness was something that Kurt wouldn’t ever be able to find in another human being. Because Blaine’s eyes, and the way that he looked at Kurt like he was his absolute everything was something that Kurt would never tire of. Because Blaine had become Kurt’s entire world, and just because he _could_ live without him – although it would be a struggle to let go if it did, in fact, come to that – Kurt never _wanted_ to have to live without him.

Reaching out his hand toward Blaine’s face, Kurt traced a finger down from Blaine’s forehead to his lips, before running his thumb along his cheek bone. Who would want to let go of something like this, anyways?

“Has anybody ever told you that you’re beautiful?” Blaine’s voice rang out, soft and filled with sleep.

Kurt shook his head, a small smile making its way across his lips. “Your eyes are closed.”

“Don’t gotta have my eyes open to know that you’re beautiful, Kurt. You just are,” Blaine explained as he finally let his eyes flutter open, grinning as he did, causing small crinkles to appear next to his eyes.

“I’m dating a sap,” Kurt huffed as he flopped back on to the bed, Blaine’s laughter cutting into the silence of the room. And there it went again, wrapping itself around Kurt in a blanket of warmth and happiness.

“Maybe so,” Blaine agreed flipping himself on to his stomach, folding his arms across Kurt’s chest and resting his chin on top. “But don’t act like you don’t appreciate my charming ways, Hummel. You love the compliments.” Kurt huffed once again, trying his best to suppress the smile that was threatening to make an appearance. “How are you feeling?” Blaine asked quietly as he began to trace patterns across Kurt’s chest, eyes staring at Kurt in concern.

“I’m fine.” Kurt said, eyes falling closed as his lips quirked into a smile.

“Wow, okay. Fine… I made Kurt Hummel feel fine.” Blaine sat up. “Good job Anderson, he’s fine,” he continued mumbling as he straightened up, blanket dropping low on his waist.

“Oh, be quiet,” Kurt chuckled. “Fine, I’m better than fine. Amazing, incredible, phenomenal, sensational, magnificent, I’m mind-blowingly stupendous, mag – _umph_.” Blaine’s lips met Kurt’s softly, sufficiently cutting Kurt off. “I’m amazing…you’re amazing,” Kurt whispered when Blaine had pulled back.

“Good,” Blaine nodded approvingly before beginning to crawl out of the bed.

Kurt pouted slightly, groaning in protest as he reached out to try and grab hold of Blaine’s arm to pull him back. “No, where are you going?”

“Come on you dork, I want food,” Blaine said fondly, walking over to his dresser and grabbing out two pairs of sweat pants, pulling on one before throwing the other at Kurt with a smirk. “I’ll make you waffles.”

“Oh my god, I love waffles,” Kurt said as he quickly slid into Blaine’s sweats, jumping off of the bed and making his way out of the room towards the kitchen, leaving an amused Blaine to follow behind him.

Blaine found his way in to the kitchen, silently beginning to make the waffles as Kurt went and sat at the table, grabbing Blaine’s laptop to work on a few things as he waited. It wasn’t too long before Blaine was pushing a plate of waffles in front of the boy, smiling as Kurt quickly shut the laptop and pushed it away before digging in to his breakfast.

“Ohmygod,” Kurt mumbled around his bite of blueberry waffles, eyes fluttering shut in content. “So good.” His eyes opened once again to meet Blaine’s which were watching him fondly. “Thank you.”

Blaine nodded, smiling before taking a bite of his own waffles, watching in fascination as Kurt continued to eat his breakfast slowly, his eyes repeatedly shutting as he enjoyed the flavors. “Move in with me,” he blurted, eyes widening as soon as the words had left his mouth. He definitely hadn’t meant to say that.

Kurt’s eyes widened as well. He lowered his fork to rest on his plate, hand dropping into his lap as he searched for a response. “I – I… um – “

“That’s not how I wanted to ask you,” Blaine said quickly, snapping his eyes shut as he took a deep breath. “I, uh, had this whole thing planned out, a speech I guess, that I was going to give you over dinner, but I, um…I guess that’s not happening anymore.” Blaine paused, opening his eyes to look over at a shell-shocked Kurt. “Kurt, I know that we’ve just recently gotten back together, and maybe people will say it’s too soon, but I want to take this step with you. I want to be able to come home after a boring lecture class and have dinner with you. I want you to be able to come home after a long awful day at work, and we can watch movies together until the stress is gone. I want to come home to you. So, will you move in with me?”

Kurt opened his mouth to respond but let it fall closed as he tried to think through the million thoughts racing through his mind. Was it too soon? What if it’s not the way they expect it to be? What if it drives them apart? What if things don’t work out again? “Can I think about it?” he asked silently before biting his bottom lip. Kurt watched as hurt flashed across Blaine’s features, Kurt’s heart clenching as it did. “I – I’m not saying no, I just…need to think.” He choked out, hoping to take away some of the worry and pain from Blaine.

“Yeah, no…of course.” Blaine nodded, eyes falling to his plate, trying to hide the disappointment that he felt.

“Blaine,” Kurt said softly, his hand falling on top of one of Blaine’s. “Hey, look at me.” Blaine’s eyes moved to meet his. “I’m not saying no,” he repeated, his eyes pleading with Blaine to understand.

“I know.” Blaine nodded, doing his best to give Kurt a reassuring smile. Kurt wasn’t saying no. That’s not what was happening. But he wasn’t saying yes either.

 

 

**…**

“Blaine asked me to move in with him,” Kurt said abruptly, causing Rachel’s head to snap in his direction from where she was sitting on the couch watching TV. He had left Blaine’s not long after their awkward conversation, claiming that he needed to get some work done at home, even though he knew it was really just so that he could think.

“He…what did you say?” Rachel asked curiously, moving to face Kurt who was sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

“That I’d think about it,” Kurt said hesitantly, looking away from Rachel as to avoid the glare that he knew was coming.

“You _what_?!” Rachel screeched, reaching over to slap his leg. “Idiot!” she mumbled.

“Ow! I know, okay? I know.”

Rachel rolled her eyes before folding her arms across her chest. “Do you not want to move in with Blaine?”

“No, I mean…no. It would be absolutely amazing. I spend so much time over there already, I just…it’s a big step.”

“Of course, it is. But if this is something that you want Kurt…”

“But what if it doesn’t work out, Rach? What if something happens and we end up breaking up? What if living together doesn’t work out the way we think it will?” Kurt asks as he nervously twists his hands in his lap. “What if we can’t handle this step yet?”

“And what if the world implodes tomorrow, Kurt? What if you get hit by a car? What if there’s an alien invasion?” Rachel retorted, her eyes softening as she looked over her best friend. “Don’t play the ‘what if’ game. You love Blaine, right?”

“Of course, I do.”

“And you can see a future with him?”

Kurt nodded, biting his lip once again. “Yeah.”

“Then why not take a step closer to that? There will always be the ‘what ifs.’ Decisions like this are always a gamble, Kurt. But, what if you don’t do it, and then regret it later on?”

“They were wrong when they said that you lacked emotional depth in high school,”  Kurt said with a hint of a smile. “Don’t ever let anybody tell you that you’re shallow, Rachel Berry.” 

“Nah, I can be a shallow bitch when I want to be,” Rachel joked back, a smile taking over her features. “My best friend just deserves better than that.”

Kurt smiled, crossing the couch to pull the girl into a tight hug. “Thank you,” he mumbled into her hair before placing a kiss on the top of her head.

“Anytime, Hummel.” Rachel nodded against his chest. “Can we watch the notebook now?”

Kurt let out a chuckle before letting the girl go and nodding. “Of course.”

 

 

**…**

Kurt let out a breath as he stood outside of the familiar building, holding his phone up to his ear and leaning against the brick wall next to the entrance.

“Kurt?” Blaine answered softly, confusion in his voice, as Kurt had texted him a mere hour before letting him know that he had work to do and that he’d call him later that evening when he could.

“Hey, I um…I have an answer for you, but I’d like it if you could do something with me before I give it to you,” Kurt explained cryptically as he looked out over the busy street.

“Yeah, yeah sure, what?”

“Can you meet me at 250 Park Ave?” Kurt asked hopefully.

“Sure,” Blaine agreed, and Kurt could hear him moving around his apartment. “I’ll be there in ten?”

“Okay,” Kurt agreed. “And Blaine?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” Kurt said, voice close to a whisper.

“I love you, too,” Blaine responded, the slightest bit of worry clear in his voice. “Be there soon.” He hung up the phone, leaving Kurt to wait patiently, nerves thrumming throughout his body.

“Kurt,” Blaine called upon spotting the boy leaning against a building, almost exactly ten minutes after they had ended their conversation. “Hey, what’s up?” he asked upon seeing how nervous Kurt looked.

Kurt’s eyes moved to the sidewalk. “I um, told you I’d be busy most of the afternoon, and it was because I have a counselling session, but um… I’d like it if you came with me,” he finished, swallowing hard. “You – you don’t have to, you can say no and walk away, but I – “

“Hey, of course I’ll come,” Blaine said, cutting Kurt off. “Did you really think I’d say no?”

Kurt shrugged, looking up at Blaine. “Things weren’t exactly comfortable this morning when I left, I didn’t know if this would make it worse.”

Blaine shook his head, leaning into place a soft kiss on Kurt’s lips, before pulling back and offering Kurt his hand. “Show me the way.”

 

 

**…**

“Alright, there’s one last thing that I need to discuss with you,” Jamie said as she closed her notebook, laughing lightly when Kurt looked at her worriedly. “It’s good, I promise. I think that it’s about time we call it quits here, don’t you?”

“I don’t…what?” Kurt asked, confused.

“Kurt you’re doing amazing, you’ve been doing so well for a while now. You don’t really need me,” Jamie explained. “You’re doing well, work seems to be settling down, or at least you seem to be managing it better now that you’ve got a great support system,” she added, eyes flitting in Blaine’s direction. “When’s the last time you had an attack?  And I mean a bad one, one that you couldn’t get control of by using breathing techniques.” Kurt opened his mouth to respond, brow furrowing when he couldn’t come up with an answer. “Exactly. You’re doing absolutely amazing. And if you need a session here and there, then you can book them. But I don’t think that you need a regularly booked session anymore.”

Kurt bit his lip, huffing out a laugh as he shook his head at the woman. “Yeah,” he agreed, a small smile peeking its way across his lips. “Yeah, yeah okay.”

“Good,” Jamie smiled proudly before standing from her spot. “Then we’re done here. Blaine, it was lovely to finally put a face to the many stories. I can absolutely understand why Kurt always has such heart eyes now.”

“I do not!” Kurt argued as he and Blaine stood as well.

“You do,” Jamie nodded, reaching out a hand to shake Blaine’s. “And you,” she turned to Kurt. “You’ve got this. Go kick some Vogue ass, and such.”

Kurt made his way to the door, nodding in acknowledgement and gratitude. “Hey Jamie?” he said, turning around to face the woman standing behind him. “Thank you for everything.” His smile widened when Jamie sighed before moving to hug him.

“Go,” she said as he pulled back.

Both boys made their way out of the room and down the steps. Kurt followed Blaine out of the building and on to the busy New York street, reaching out to grab Blaine’s arm, stopping him from walking any further. “Thank you. For coming with me.”

“Of course,” Blaine nodded, taking Kurt’s hand in his own, lacing their fingers together and giving Kurt a soft smile. “You don’t need to thank me.”

Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand lightly. “I believe that I promised you an answer.”

“It’s okay, really. You don’t need to – “

“Yes,” Kurt blurted, grinning when Blaine snapped his mouth shut, eyes looking over him with such hope behind them.

“Yeah?”

“Yes, of course yes. I’ll move in with you.” Kurt squealed when Blaine moved in to hug him, picking him up and turning him in a little spin. Kurt’s responding laugh was different. It was carefree, happy. He was _happy_. There was no overshadowing feeling of dread, sadness, or darkness. He was just happy.

“You’re sure?” Blaine asked as he set Kurt back on the ground.

“Absolutely,” Kurt nodded fervently. “I love you, and it might be quick, or whatever, but…you’re everything Blaine. I want my future with you, and this is just the first step in that, so let’s take it. No fear.”

Blaine grinned, shaking his head fondly at his boyfriend. “You’re amazing, you know that?” he said, watching as Kurt gave a half shrug.

“Can we go get some cheesecake to celebrate?”

Blaine let out a laugh, causing Kurt to laugh as well. “Anything for you, beautiful.”

 

 

**…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one week?!?! Who knew that could happen. But atlas here it is! This chapter just kind of jumped out of me, and I’m glad because you all didn’t have to wait too long for it this time!  
> Now, I have sad news and happy news, so we’ll start with the sad. I have officially decided that Chapter 22 of Breathe Again will be the final chapter… which means this is the second last chapter itself. *Cries* I know, I’m sad too… but this story is officially coming to a close. But happy news!!! There will be a sequel. Not right away, there’s a new project that I’d like to work on before I jump in to the sequel, but I have planned out the basic parts of the sequel so far, and so it will be coming your way soon enough!  
> I hope to get the final chapter up this week, but we shall see… I don’t want to rush writing it, because, you all deserve better than that! So, it will be around pretty soon as well.  
> Until then, thank you all for your support!  
> -B


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright lovelies, for the last time, here we go…

**...**

 

 

Kurt’s eyes scanned over the dome of boxes that surrounded him before he closed them and took a deep breath, falling to the ground in the center of the room. He was ready for this. He was so ready for this. Of course, there had been a few moments with Rachel while packing his boxes where the girl would turn to look at him, eyes glistening with tears, and he would feel the sadness seep through him, but that didn’t change the fact that he was ready to take this step.

Sure, most sensible people would most likely tell him that he was moving too fast, that he and Blaine had just gotten back together, and that it would be smart to take a step back and take some more time before he decided to take this big of a jump. He would happily tell those people to fuck off. Maybe he was crazy, but he couldn’t convince himself to care even if he wanted to. This was it. Blaine was it for him. Sue him if that sounded completely insane.

His eyes snapped towards the door when a soft knock echoed through the room, a small smile spreading across his lips when Rachel poked her head in. “Hey,” she said quietly before moving towards him, sitting on the ground next to him. “Everything’s packed?”

Kurt nodded, narrowing his eyes at the girl who was looking around sadly at the boxes. “I swear to god, if you start crying again Rachel Berry, I might actually murder you,” he said over the lump that was beginning to form in his throat.

Rachel gave him a watery laugh, shaking her head as she blinked back the tears that seemed to have found a permanent home in her eyes that day. “No crying, I’m sorry,” she agreed, looking back at him and shrugging. “It’s hard.” 

“I know.” Kurt wrapped an arm around his best friend as she leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder. “Hey,” he said softly as he rubbed her arm. “I couldn’t disappear out of your life, you know that right?” he asked feeling her nod against him. “No, Rachel, seriously, look at me,” he instructed, waiting until she lifted her head off of his shoulder to look at him. “I might not be in the same building anymore, but you’re my best friend, I could never leave you. You’re stuck with me, Berry.” He gave her a twitch of a smile. “And don’t think that I won’t show up spontaneously for a movie night.”

“I’m counting on it.” Rachel smiled as she stood up. “Let’s go do something before the others get here,” she suggested, holding out her hand for the boy to take.

“What do you have in mind, Miss Berry?” he asked with a raised brow as he let her pull him up.

“I don’t know. Anything. I just want to spend our last few hours as roommates doing something together that doesn’t involve boxes and packing,” she said, once again looking around at the boxes stacked in the room.

Kurt tilted his head as he looked at her meaningfully. “I’m not going far,” he repeated. “How about Grease?” he suggested, laughing when Rachel nodded and grabbed his hand to pull him out in to the living room.

 

**…**

 

 

Kurt turned his attention away from the TV and towards the front door as it opened to reveal Blaine shuffling in, a few boxes stacked in his arms.

“Where the hell are we supposed to put all of this if we can’t put it in my room? And seriously, how long can a person take to pack, anyways? I mean, I know that it’s Kurt and he’s got way too many clothing items, but damn,” Sam complained as he followed Blaine into the apartment, setting the boxes he carried in the middle of the entrance. In the decision to move together, Blaine and Kurt had, had multiple discussions about how to tell their roommates, and had come to the final decision that Sam – if he wanted to – could move in to Kurt’s old room. Both Sam and Rachel had loved the idea.

“Well you can’t put them there, you idiot.” Blaine rolled his eyes before moving further into the apartment to set his boxes neatly against a wall, out of the way.

“Yeah, idiot,” a small voice came from behind Sam as Sophia moved around the boy to go stack the small box that she carried next to her uncle’s.

“Soph, don’t call people that,” Blaine scolded.

“But you called him an idiot! You can’t tell me not to do something after you did it too, Uncle Blainey. That’s not very fair,” Sophia said sternly, placing her hand on her hip as she lectured her uncle.

“Yeah Uncle Blainey, that’s not fair,” Sam added, as he pushed his boxes towards the wall and out of the way as well.

“Okay, okay, no more calling people idiots,” Blaine agreed, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

“Kurtie!” Sophia exclaimed upon spotting the boy sitting on the couch watching the scene in amusement.

“Hey munchkin,” Kurt smiled as the little girl kicked off her shoes before racing towards him. “Careful,” he warned as he pointed towards Rachel who had fallen asleep with her head in Kurt’s lap.

Sophia nodded and cautiously slid in next to Kurt, leaning her small head against his arm as she looked down at Rachel. “She’s always so pretty,” she mused. Kurt nodded his agreement as he ran his fingers through his best friend’s hair. “I missed you Kurtie!” Sophia told him happily, looking up at him with a big smile.

“I missed you too, princess, where have you been hiding?”

“Nowhere, Uncle Blainey just hasn’t come to get me to take me to you,” she scoffed, looking over to glare at her uncle, who was making his way towards them.

“We need to do something about that.” Kurt looked up to give Blaine a mock glare. “I hear you’ve been hiding this little one from me,” he accused, laughing when Blaine put his hands up in surrender.

“I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again,” Blaine conceded as he sat down on the arm of the couch.

“You better not, Uncle Blainey,” Sophia told him seriously.

“Hey Soph, why don’t you go start helping Uncle Blaine take the boxes out of my room so that we can put Sam’s in there? I’ll wake Rachel up and then we’ll come help too.”

Sophia happily jumped off the couch to make her way to Kurt’s room, Blaine following close behind.

“Rach,” Kurt said quietly as he shook his best friend lightly. She hummed sleepily in response, eyes blinking open. “The guys are here, and they brought Sophia.”

Rachel squinted against the light that invaded her eyes. “Let’s get started,” she said as she slowly got off of his lap to stand. “I need to find that kid.” Rachel absolutely adored Sophia.

Both of them made their way into Kurt’s room, Kurt smiling when he spotted Sophia dancing around in the middle of the room and Blaine standing close to the door, watching in amusement as Rachel took the little girl’s hand and began to spin around with her.

“What’s going on in here?” Kurt asked as he bumped his hip lightly against Blaine’s.

A smile cracked across Blaine’s lips. “Just some crazy kids having fun. Soph came in, announced that she wanted to dance, and proceeded to do so,” he explained. “She looked too cute to ask her stop.”

“She’s got you wrapped around her finger,” Kurt commented, laughing when Blaine shrugged in defeat before turning to watch the two girls dance around.

“How’s she holding up?” Blaine asked curiously as he motioned to Rachel.

Kurt tilted his head and shrugged a little. “She’s fine. She’ll be fine. She had her moments, but I think it helps that someone that she knows is moving in right away so that she isn’t alone, you know? Plus, I told her that I’d be over here for surprise movie nights, and she seemed to find that acceptable,” Kurt explained as he linked his arm through Blaine’s and leaned his head against Blaine’s shoulder.

Blaine hummed in response, pressing a kiss to the top of Kurt’s head. “Okay, Soph. How about you go and get Sam so that we can start moving Kurt’s boxes out of here, and then once we are done we can go and get some ice cream?” Blaine asked as he stepped further into the room.

“Promise?” the little girl asked as she continued spinning.

“Promise, but if we don’t get done, we can’t get ice cream.”

“Sam!” Sophia shouted as she began to march towards the door. “Sam, let’s get moving! Chop, chop!” she continued as she went through the door in search of Sam, leaving the three adults laughing in her wake.

 

**…**

 

 

 

“Are you sure that you’re okay with this?” Blaine asked as he leaned on the wall next to Kurt who was putting his shoes on. They had managed to finish moving all of both Kurt and Sam’s boxes, and Kurt had suggested that he could take Sophia out for ice cream while Blaine stayed to help Sam – who had spent most of the day sulking – unpack his boxes.

Kurt smiled softly, looking up at Blaine. “Of course. I get some quality time with my girl,” he said, motioning towards where Sophia was waiting at the door. “Go, be with your best friend.”

 “Okay, see you in a bit,” Blaine said with a kiss to Kurt’s forehead before pulling away, waving to an impatient Sophia and turning to head back into Sam’s room.

“Alright, man, Kurt and Soph are going out for a bit, what do you want to start on?” he asked as he entered the room where Sam was beginning to open boxes that surrounded the empty bed.

“You don’t have to stay, honestly. I know that Kurt wants to get his things unpacked and moved in as soon as possible,” Sam said with a raise of his shoulders before pulling open a box.

Blaine shook his head, grabbing a box from the stack that Sam was working on. “No, dude, I’m here to help, and hang out with my best friend for a bit longer, okay?”

“No, Blaine, really, it’s – “

“Sam Alexander Evans, shut up and let me help,” Blaine interrupted, quirking a smile when Sam shook his head fondly. “Is all of this okay with you?” he asked after a few moments of silence. “Like, really okay with you, no lying. Because I know that this was all sprung on you, and I’m sorry. It’s my fault that you didn’t get much forewarning. I know I get a little ahead of myself when I get excited, and I should have given the entire idea of Kurt moving in with me a bit more thought, and actually considered how it would affect you and Rachel.”

Sam shook his head as he sat down on the ground and began separating the clothes that he had pulled from a nearby box. “I’m okay with it, I promise,” he answered before turning back to his box. “I know I’ve been mopey all day, I – it’s not because I’m not okay with it. I don’t know, it’s just, we’re all growing up you know? Life’s starting to really kick in, and we’re all growing and changing, and making these huge decisions that are life changing, and I guess I just didn’t realize how far into ‘real life’ we actually are.” Blaine sat next to Sam, both boys leaning back against the bed. “So, yes, I am absolutely okay with this. You’re happy – happier with him then I have ever seen you, and I want that for you. It’s an exciting step, I know, I guess it just made me stop and really think, and I don’t know if I want to move into the part of my life where every decision is a big one, and where all of the fun seems to stop, that’s all.”

Blaine smiled, knocking his knee lightly against Sam’s. “Just because we get older and delve deeper into life, doesn’t mean that we can’t still have fun. Sure, decisions can weigh a bit heavier now than they used to, and yes, the future is no longer some far-off topic that is talked about, but that doesn’t mean that life can’t still be fun and adventurous and amazing at the same time,” Blaine explained, letting his head fall back against the bed. “You make the overarching decisions of how your life will be, Sam. Choose to make it exciting and fun and everything else that you’re afraid that you’ll lose.”

“That – this right here, this is why I keep you around, Anderson,” Sam teased, laughing when Blaine reached out to punch his arm lightly. “Thanks, dude.” He stood up, offering his hand to Blaine to help him up as well. “Enough of this sentimental stuff, let’s get this shit done. I hate unpacking,” he said with a smirk, causing Blaine to laugh before heading back to the box that he had been unpacking.

 

 

**…**

“So, you and Uncle Blainey are going to live together…for how long?” Sophia asked as she finished with her bubblegum flavored ice cream. Kurt bit his lip as he tried to think of how to answer the little girls question. “Forever? Because that’d be super-duper cool.”

“I – I hope so,” Kurt finally said, smiling at the thought that often came to mind, of spending the rest of his life with Blaine. “I’d like to live with your uncle for forever.” He laughed when the little girl clapped her hands in delight.

“You make Uncle Blainey smile a lot, I like it,” she told him with a firm nod.

Kurt laughed a little. “Well he makes me smile too. What do you say we go to the park for a bit before we head back?” he asked as he began cleaning up their mess.

“Really!?” Sophia asked excitedly as she popped out of her chair to follow Kurt to the trash can. “Will you swing with me?”

“Um, of course. The swings are the best part of the park.”

Sophia grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the ice cream shop and towards the playground that was across the street, marching him straight to the swings. She jumped up and began to pump her little legs, squealing when she got to a fairly decent height, and Kurt pushed his feet on the ground to swing slowly, opting to not embrace his childish ways and swing as high as he could.

“One day, I hope that I can find a boy like you and Uncle Blainey to love too,” Sophia said out of the blue when she had slowed down to a small sway on her swing. Kurt smiled and looked over at the girl. “Or a girl, I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it yet, I’m only five. But, I hope that they are nice like Uncle Blainey, and fun like you, and that they love me just like Uncle Blainey loves you, and like you love Uncle Blaine, because that’s lots,”  Sophia mused, and Kurt tried to swallow past the lump that had begun to form in his throat.

“I’m sure that you’ll find someone someday when you’re old enough that will love you like you deserve, Soph.” Kurt grinned when the girl flashed him her biggest smile.

“I think that it’s really cool and brave that you and Uncle Blainey love each other no matter what other people say. I know some of the kids in my class say that it’s bad for boys to love boys, but I’m glad that you and Uncle Blainey ignore them, because Uncle Blainey’s the happiest when he talks about you.”

Kurt shook his head, reaching out and bopping Sophia’s nose with his finger. “You’re too smart,” he told her, voice rough with emotion. “With a heart like that, you’re going to change the world someday, you know that?”

“You will too, Kurtie.” And there was nothing he could have done to stop the tear that managed to fall from his cheek. “I’m ready to go get Uncle Blainey now, and I have a question.” Sophia stated as she hopped off of the swing, holding her hand out for Kurt. “Now that you and Uncle Blainey live together, does that mean that I can call you Uncle Kurtie?”

“I- I…” Kurt stumbled, looking down into the innocent eyes that blinked up at him. “If that’s what you want to call me, Soph.”

“Good, because I do,” Sophia said matter-of-factly.

“Well, I’d really like that then.”

 

 

**…**

“Uncle Blainey, I’m back!” Sophia shouted as she kicked off her shoes and thundered into the apartment, little feet padding against the wooden floor.

Blaine looked up from where he was putting the last of Sam’s books on his bookshelf. With Rachel’s help, they had managed to finish unpacking in the time that Sophia and Kurt had been gone. “Hey kiddo,” Blaine smiled, catching sight of Kurt following Sophia in before looking back at the little girl. “How was ice cream?” Blaine asked as he knelt down to catch Sophia who flung herself at him.

“So good! I got bubblegum, and then Uncle Kurtie took me to the park and we swinged together,” she babbled happily, missing the sharp inhale of breath that Blaine took before his eyes snapped up to meet Kurt’s. Kurt smiled, shrugging his shoulders.

“You had fun then?” Blaine said finally after a moment, pulling back from Sophia.

“Mmhm! Next time you have to come!” Sophia said before looking around the room. “There’s no boxes anymore, does that mean you can take me home now? Mama is going to make cookies with me.”

“Yeah we can do that, as long as you bring Kurt and I some tomorrow,” Blaine wagered, laughing when Sophia agreed and rushed out of the room. Blaine then looked towards his boyfriend. “You don’t have to let her call you that if you don’t want to.”

Kurt shook his head, a grin breaking across his lips once again. “I know, she’s so excited about it though, and I really don’t mind. I like it, it’s cute.” He reached out to take Blaine’s hand in his. “Come on, let’s go take the little munchkin home.”

 

 

**…**

Kurt stood, hands resting against the ledge of the building as he looked out over the New York skyline, watching as the yellows, oranges, and bright pinks danced across the sky in a colorful explosion of a sunset. He and Blaine had finished unpacking around half of Kurt’s things a mere twenty minutes before, and he had quickly excused himself to get some fresh air. Blaine had seemed concerned, but Kurt just wanted to soak everything in. He wasn’t panicking, and he wasn’t changing his mind, he just wanted to stay still for a moment and take it all in.

“Hey, you,” Blaine’s hesitant voice came from behind him, knocking him out of his thoughts. Kurt blinked his eyes open, twisting to look back at Blaine who was slowly approaching where he stood at the edge of the rooftop. “Everything okay?” he asked as he reached Kurt, cautiously wrapping his arms around Kurt’s waist and resting his chin on the boy’s shoulder.

Kurt hummed happily, leaning back in to Blaine’s embrace. “Everything’s great.” He took his hands off of the ledge to place them on top of Blaine’s arms.

“You’ve been really quiet since we started unpacking your things,” Blaine remarked, biting his lip nervously as he awaited Kurt’s response.

Kurt stood silently for a moment before lifting his shoulders in a half shrug. “I was focused, I guess,” he answered, and Blaine nodded against his shoulder.

“You’d tell me if you weren’t okay, right? If you had changed your mind? Because I swear I won’t be upset, I just don’t want you doing this if you don’t really want to.”

“I want to,” Kurt said firmly, squeezing Blaine’s forearms lightly. “I promise, I really do want to.” He turned in Blaine’s arms to face him. “I haven’t changed my mind, this is something that I really want. I want to wake up to you and fall asleep in your arms. I want to be able to sit down and simply enjoy eating dinner with you. I want this. I guess that I’ve just been quiet because it’s all changing, and I love the changes but it’s still…strange, you know? It’s a little bittersweet, I guess. Rachel and I have barely spent more than twelve hours apart since we moved here, and it’s odd thinking that I can’t just walk down the hall to find her. But, I’m so incredibly excited to start this chapter with you too. I’ve never been one to really consider my future, because before...before it didn’t seem like I had much to look forward to or really consider. And then there was you,” Kurt smiled, reaching up to brush his knuckles over Blaine’s cheek. “You gave me a future to be excited about, and this is just a small step towards that, and that…” he paused, biting his lip as he searched for the words. “That sends shivers through my body and makes those stupid little butterflies come alive in my stomach, and I never thought I could be this happy, but here you are. The future is within arm’s reach, and I guess I’ve been quiet because I’m trying to absorb that.”

Blaine’s eyes sparkled in the light of the sunset as his lips slid in to a smile. “I want forever with you,” he whispered as his liquid gold eyes met Kurt’s bright cerulean ones.

“Me too, you incredibly sappy dork,” Kurt teased, kissing the tip of Blaine’s nose. “To continue on this sappiness trend, I feel like I should thank you,” Kurt stated, moving to run his thumb over Blaine’s lips when Blaine shook his head. “No, I’ve told you before how much you have helped me, but I don’t think that I’ve ever actually thanked you. So, thank you, Blaine Devon Anderson. For being you, for being patient with me…for being there no matter what. For choosing to love me, when there were so many other people you could have had. For showing me how badly I truly wanted to be able to breathe again, but more than anything…thank you for letting me love _you._ ”

“Best decision I ever made.” Blaine grinned.

“Such a dork.” Kurt laughed before leaning in to press his lips to Blaine’s.

 

 

**…**

_Kurt threw his head back as he let his hips sway to the heavy bass of whatever top 40 song was blaring throughout the club, eyes falling shut as he let the music envelop him. Alcohol began to flood his brain, making everything seem a little fuzzier than before, a little less heavy than before. He moved to wrap his arms around the neck of the brunette that he had been dancing with, sending him a flirty smile as he moved to suck and kiss at the stranger’s throat._

_“Hey, you two! Smile!” someone shouted, causing Kurt’s head to jerk up and towards the voice, spotting a guy with a camera in hand, motioning for them to pause their dancing to pose for a photo. Kurt looked back at his dance partner, shrugging before letting an arm fall from the boy’s shoulder, sliding his other arm further over his shoulder and smiling for the picture, the light flashing brightly in the dark club as it captured the moment._

Kurt bit his lip as he held the photo, looking over it intently. The drunken haze in his eyes, the gross way that the stranger held his waist as if he owned Kurt, the way that the unhappiness Kurt felt at the time could still be seen in his eyes and posture...

“What’s that?” Blaine asked as he made his way into the room where Kurt was perched on the bed, which had random papers and objects scattering its surface.

Kurt shook his head, folding and ripping the photo before looking up at Blaine. “Someone that I used to know. He’s not important,” he answered, throwing the small reminder of who he used to be in to the empty box that sat to his left before getting onto his knees and shuffling to the edge of the bed where Blaine stood. “Let’s go make dinner,” he mumbled, pressing his lips to Blaine’s briefly before hopping off of the bed, grabbing Blaine’s hand in his, and dragging him towards _their_ kitchen.

And that is what it meant to breathe. To really, truly be able to breathe again. Breathing was hearing Blaine’s laugh as he was dragged off to make food. It was being able to smile and knowing that it was 100% genuine. It was feeling like through all of the pain in life, he would be okay because he knew exactly who he was, and because he had an amazing boy who loved him and who he could love back wholly instead of in pieces. Because he had been able to put the pieces that he had broken himself into and handed out to other people back together and was able to hand Blaine his heart. He could hand Blaine his entire being as a whole instead of in shards. Because he was finally, for the first time in his life, fully alive.

 

 

**...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not quite sure if I can fully express just how grateful I am for you guys. Thank you for giving this story a chance, and for making this journey so special for me. I so appreciated hearing from you guys after posting chapters and knowing that my words meant something to you all. So, thank you, from the absolute bottom of my heart, for coming on this ride with me. 
> 
> JJ, you have turned my writing life upside down and then flipped it right side up again. I know for certain that this story wouldn’t have made it here if it weren’t for you. Some people think that editors correct spelling and grammar, but little do they all know how effortlessly and willingly you have stepped in to help me when I was stuck with character development and plot line issues. This story is just as much you as it is me, and I’m so lucky that I was able to snag you for my editor, and now… friend I’d like to think. Don’t think you’ll get away from me that easy though, even though this story is finished. Thank you though, for making sure that my words were portrayed correctly and, in a way, that people could actually understand! 
> 
> Once again, thank you to every single one of you who took the time to read what little me had to say, it means the absolute world to me, and I am so excited to be able to continue to write for you in the future. Until then, I love you all, and I’ll see you soon. 
> 
> Love always,   
> B


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